Anyway, the WWF's April PPV offering (the 2nd one) has arrived. And we stll have 2 months to KotR (King Jericho? King Benoit? King Angle?) and a PPV offering that in one way or another will be the unofficial rememberance of Owen Hart dying a year earlier. If I was Vince, I'd call it Remembering Owen. But then again, if I was Vince, I'd have to worry about my slut daughter. Metaphorically. Previews are NEXT!:

APACWNB$ v. RETIRE ALREADY BIG BOSSMAN & SCHLITZ MALT LIQUOR BULL
Background[B]: I believe the history was that hHh was upset the aPa helped him drop the title (it happened. It's true!...oops, too soon) to y2j and assisted in tAkA's failed attempt. So he got the Prison Guards as security measures to keep them away.
What I Wish Would Happen [WW]: Acolytes destroy both of them and win easy in a near-squash.
What I Think Will Happen [WT]: Hm. Let me just say that since the Acolytes are going to be over no matter what and for some damn reason or another the Bossman keeps showing up, heels win with dirty tricks.

THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO KURT ANGLE v. WELL IT'S THE BIG GLOBAL GROOVE
B: Our Olympic Hero has a problem with Paul. He feels that Paul should be concentrating on abstinence in wrestling instead of doing the bad thing on the good foot and getting his freak on. Cause Paul used to be a champ, and he can do better than dancing with Rikishi. It's true! It's true.
WI: You can pair off Show w/Rikishi and have them turn heel against 2 Cool down the line, so Angle hits the Kurtains to get back in the title hunt of things.
WT: Angle will do well, but lose to aaaaaahhhhELCHOKESLAM!

RAGE AGAINST the MACHINE'S FAVORITE BAND THE DUDLEY BOYS v. SOME TWO GUYS WHOSE NAMES DON'T REALLY COUNT (w/Trish Stratus! YEEEEEEEE!)
B: The Duds got where they are based on putting woman after woman through a table. Trish has used her considerable sensual assets...ah...ah....focus, damnit...well, what just happened to me is happening to Buh Buh and he's getting hell beat out of him.
WI: Trish ditches those losers and goes off with a pair of real men. Or we. Still working on "Baby Got Strat", Colton, it's coming.
WT: Buh Buh puts her through a table, thus causing a hospital to have a lot of sick freaks like me wander their halls. Duds, 3D, TESTIFY!

[WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS] ROAD DAWG & INTERNET PUNCHING BAG X-PAC (w/Tori) v. EDGE (you swank chapeau him) AND CHRISTIAN, MASTERS OF THE RUN-IN
B: The heels (DX?) have attacked the heels (E & C?) and beaten them in singles matches, however, the former Total Request Workrate Candjuns have gotten mild measures of revenge on them.
WI: Champs retain, messed-up interference.
WT: Champs retain, I don't know how. Road Dogg WILL be pinned, howeva.

{6-pack}[NATIONAL HARDCORE TITLE] PERRIER SATURN v. ZATTTTTTTTT v. TOTAL REQUEST WORKRATE CAROLINA v. HARDCORE BOB v. ELROY HARDCORE
B: Crash just got his title back yesterday. He's the "Houdini of Hardcore" and is so over that his gimmick has been superimposed over the entirety of the formerly stagnant belt. The other guys want it.
WI: Crash deliver a Rubin Carter off a ladder to some guy through a table. That would rock.
WT: Crash pins Bob. Tazz chokes out poor Elroy afterwards.

[EUROTITLE] SA RIOS (con Lita) v. EDUARDO GUERRERO (w/Wonder #9)
B: Chick friction leads to their men duking it out. Uh, Vince, there's a Jerry Springer on line 2 who says he's got a lawsuit...
WI: 3 to 4 star match. Ed kicks it froggy style.
WT: Eddie prevails, narrowly, thanks to his woman.

[INTERCHRISINENTAL TITLE] INTERNET DEITY CHRIS BENOIT v. SUPREME OVERLORD CHRIS WWY2JD? JERICHO
B: Benoit and Jericho have had issues the past two months. Benoit a current champ, Jericho a former champ. Both have been in the other Big 2, both from Canada, both have high-flying styles and submission finishers, seriously, if you need this to hip you to the match, you is one sorry-ass dude.
WI: Benoit costs himself the win, leading to a ***** hardcore rules submission match next month which Jericho wins.
WT: Benoit gets the win through some chicanery (hHh?).

[UNIFIED WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP] DWAYNE JOHNSON SUPERSTAR (w/STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!) v. THE GAME-UH hHh (w/Vincenzo Mac, Steffi Baby, Shane-O-Mac and that damn music)
B: Vince turned on Rock @ WM, joining up with son-in-law to rule with an iron fist. Linda appointed SCSA316DTA to Rock's corner, thus damn near killing JR. The $64,000 ?: Whose side is Austin on?
WI: Shane & HHH turn face, Rock & Austin join Vince. Rock wins.
WT: Austin turn, 3H wins. Jericho pairs off with the Rock to get rid of the faces and end show happy.

Godfadda vs. D'Lo may be added, but I don't got time for "maybes". So I'm out of here like I stole somethin'. Read my OTHER COLUMN. And the DELPHI FORUMS are still there!