MAD PROPS 2 1/2: My little brother Quay, who turns 12 today! Does he read this? No! But he will someday, remember all the beatings I gave him, and be filled with the uncontrollable rage it takes to be the next Hail. Madden my words.

Butchaholics in the place to be, welcome to SLASH IS ROSSER! It's me, the party savior, host, most charismatic performer ever to emerge from your computer screen, and the Shah of Slash Wrestling!

CRZ was right the entire time--Chyna IS a slut. Still, we must move on, and while Paul isn't here to Wight for his right to party, it's the time ON CRZ OR RANTSYLVANIA WHEN I CORE RESPOND DANCE!:

It's the pimp daddy himself, Shawn Colton, on the column from 2 wks back: Well apparently I have to check my syntax and spelling before I send out my E-mails just in case someone prints them. Don't be ridiculous though. No one takes the place of Da' Butchster. I just react to *your* 15 and smile.

15) Maybe a Dudleys, Hardys, Suicide Blondes Chutes and Ladders match is in the making. Tables optional but much appreciated.

14) I don't know if it's just me or what but the Godfather's Hos fluffing up their breasts in closeups and the Scores scenes I actually got a little squirmy in my seat hoping that my wife wouldn't watch me react to it.

13) The Badgers are " Ted DiBiase 1988 " in my fictional Tournament. I used the Rosser/ Colton booking. But I seeded the wrestlers before the brackets were announced so it was a total crap shoot as to who was getting hooked up with what teams fate.

12 ) So if Los Fabulousos are Pringles does that make Ms Skyecock the dip.

11) Dudleytaker's demise at the hands of Goldberg seems inevitable.

10) Candido without Tammy is like a bell that never rings in my humble estimation.

09) Skyecock needs to be brushing up on her acting skills, she knows how to wiggle just fine, but I want more from my female wrestling personalities dad gum it.

08) LaParka is great but let's hope this feud with his microphone ends soon.

07) Once the control of WCW changes over again I'm sure we'll see a REAL push for Vampiro. Or at least I hope I'm sure.

06) Sunday Night Heat is stomping a mudhole on Nitro right now in the ratings. Even a WWF mark like me can't ve happy with that.

05) Sixteen isn't even divisible by 3, but FOUR is .Think about it.

04) My next column will tell you about my adventures with Trish Stratus. Honest and for true.

03) Benoit / Jericho....three out of three times.

02) I never thought I'd say this but The Godfather's girls this week were "Best Ho's Ever "

01) Well thank God *someone* other than me thinks it's a good thing that Foley's returned.

Thanks for the fun read, Shawn Colton
--> I STILL say he's after my spot. :)

Another return responder, Todd Thomas: good stuff this week! I'm too lazy to write actual commentary tonight...but be afraid, I'm sure I'll work it in soon.. BTW, JLH is severely hot--see the pics of her in TV Guide this week? She does classy so well...I just had to try to start a ruckus in here by bringing her up.
later--> Now I'm getting all squrimy. The pics are up in my room in my quasi-shrine. I'm a stalker without the legwork.

The one known only as Venturi01: Madden? Gravitational pull? That's funny! I enjoy reading your rants. Keep up the good work.--> Hey, I don't mean to say the man's fat, but if he'd been wrestling, his name would've been the Eclipse. And not after the car.

As for WM2K: 3-5-1. I pick Peter Warrick, wide reciever out of Florida State. In an off week for Turnerville, can I actually crank out 15? Or will the LISTO DEL FUEGO be doomed to jobbing to Brian Knobs? Let's find out.

15) **D'LO SHOULD'VE TURNED HEEL**
"Dear God, why have you chosen to smite me? Tell me who to smote and they shall be smoten!"-Homer Simpson

14) **ERIC & RUSSO BACK MONDAY**
Cause if I don't mention it SOMEWHERE, they'll kick me off this place. No lie. Maybe they can at least make it entertaing. We shall see, as the adage goes.

13) **GANGREL HURT**
No, that's what happens when I job all the time. Whatever happened to Edge & Christian anyway? Anybody know?

12) **TORRIE SPREAD IN WCW MAGAZINE**
Well, maybe she's back up to #2 now.

11) **ANGLE FLIPS**
Now all we need is Waylon Mercy! It's TRUE! It's true.

10) **BENOIT GETS INTERCONTINENTAL LIKE FRENCH TOAST**
Keep in mind he's not only the rightful WCW World Champ, but the WWF's as well. Do some research. Benoit overrated? Yes. In a parallel universe where Viscera fights Mideon for the title. ANY title.

09) **FIRST HOUR MATCHES**
Hey, there's WCW alumni! Hey, there they are winning titles and getting pushes! Surely this is not a swipe at our competitors, even though their champ is going to be Hogan again!

08) **T & A GETTING BETTER**
If they ever get the sychronicity with T's elbow off of A's shoulders, watch out now! Did I mention best enterance video this side of Jericho?

07) **STEPH NEW WIMMEN'S CHAMP**
Who cares? More bike shorts!

06) **MISEDUCATION OF BOOKER T.**
Let's try a subliminal messge: Eric and Vince pushthisman you guys are about pushthisman to embark on exciting pushhim harrowing pushhimnowdamnit returns. All the pushhimyouunckafuckas best of luck in this ustitlebeforemayorelse endeavor.

05) **LA PARKA**
And push him too! The "mic work" is f'n hilarious!

04) **DON OF HEELDOM!**
Actually, there was this one old guy who stood up to the Network, Peter something. I heard he gave a famous speech and suddenly had a "heart attack". Callis is the "Ayatollah of Rockin' Bowl"ah, but would he ever team with the "Ayatollah of Shrimp Reyola"? Now you know why I'm the Shah instead.

03) **FOLEY JOBS. BLEH.**
BOO! BOO! And also, BOO!

02) **EDDIE IS EUROTITLE!**
Chyna habla espanol. Bitchie puta. But Eddie deserves this, and I hope he has a nice long reign. I wonder if they're gonna kick Saturn out since he ain't got no gold? Be a good storyline. Word.

01) **MCMAHONS REUNITE**
I agree with turning Vin heel. He's just better that way. But why keep Shane? It's too much crap in the gumbo if you ask me, and I personally thought he was better as a face. Maybe at Backlash. I can still dream, damnit!

@LARGE: Agression heavily promoted, Shark Boy has potential, I miss the old Whiplash, Wight gets his groove on, Crash regains Hardcore strap.

Sorry, I don't have a Britney Spears joke this week. I promise to rectify this in the near future. If you can, send me the words to "Baby Got Back". I got most of the rhymes, I just need to know how to align them. See ya this weekend!