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WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER
[DISCLAIMER]: Last night, for the 1st time in a damn long one, I went cold turkey on wrestling. Letting the shows tape, I instead spent the evening with my head in a hot girl's lap watching some movies and eating chocolate-covered bananas. To steal Adam Duritz, "I got me a little oblivion, baby." [Yes, it's a rarity, so I hold on to these moments as they pass.] And I watched the tapes and both shows IMNSHO sucked. Next week, for those of you looking for the weekly column, I'll have plenty to say and more, but for now, it's time! It's time! IT'S PREVIEW TIME!

Well....well it's the biggest show of the year. It's the PPV of the year. This does for descramblers what Benoit does for workrate, what Lawler does for "Puppies!", what the Dudleys do for tag team wrestling. Not to mention what Trish Stratus does for pausing and rewinding. It's Wrestlemania! A bit of back history: got everything at the Rumble, 2-7 at No Way Out. Hopefully, I'll pass with 5 of the 8 matches. So, let's kick this mothascummer off:

THA GODFADDA & I RECOGNIZE HE SHOULD BE DOING A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN THIS D'LO BROWN (w/More Ho's than a Home Depot) v. RETIRE ALREADY BIG BOSSMAN AND BULL BUCHANAON (whatever)
Background[B]: Heels attack faces. And nope, it doesn't even smack the tiniest bit of racism at all. Nope. Nope. Nope.
What I Hope Happens[WI]: Good guys are well in control when D'Lo jumps GF, causing the heels to lose and putting Brown in the Eurotitle drivers seat for the May PPV.
What I Think Will Happen[WT]: If Tim White refs, good guys win out. If not, expect the screwjob earlier detailed. It's no hHh joining the Corporation, but not everything's gonna work.

TEST & DICK PIERCE (w/YEAHBABY TRISH YEAHBABY STRATUS YEAHBABY) v. PRIDE OF WISCONSON HEAD CHEESE (w/Head & Over Gimmick)
B: It should've been a triumphant return for Snow and Blackman. In Milwaukee, they'd prevailed. As they celebrated with their people--well, Al did, Steve's far too reserved for that--the newly formed heel team jumped them. Trish said things, I drooled, and I lose track after that.
WI: Trish wears sumpin' skimpy. Head Cheese continues the climb to immortality. Steve Blackman gets mad hella jiggy.
WT: Al & Blackman are used to jobbing, and they'll do it here to advance the new team with the hot babe.

TWO KEWL & WONDER #9 v. NEW R4DICALZZZZ (EDDIE "Sucks" GUERRERO, LHW CHAMP DEANO MACHINO & TATTOO BOY PERRY SATURN)
B: The Rads have had issues with 2 Cool. For some reason Ms. TV Chyna is in this as well. There's been some friction between her & Eddie, specially. And no, Eddie doesn't suck. It's what the marks chant at him. I personally worship Eddie. So no hate mail.
WI: Radicals win. Eddie kicks it froggy style. Dean keeps showing he's got (sing it with me fellow Head Cheese Marks) personality, and 2 Cool make the goyim say they're pretty fly for some rabbis.
WT: Heels win by DQ. Not every match has to end clean, and I choose this one to not. So there.

BIG DADDY KANE & HIS PHATNESS (w/Paul Bearer & Damn, that's a big ass) v. D(MC)X---THE KIIIIIIIINGS ROAD DAWG & X-PAAAAAAAAC! (X-Pac.) [w/Tombstone Nipples]
B: Apparently DX left Scores early one night to jump these two guys during a match they had against each other. And the heelish actions have continued--didya know these bastards kept 2C from dancing? Kane would like to see Tori enveloped in a ring o' fire and has had DX issues since the reformation, and Rikishi since partying in the 10-man tag back in January.
WI: Tori tosses Rikishi's salad. Road Dogg & X get the hell beat out of them because the good guys are big and they are not.
WT: Who knows? One could see the heels cheat to win (see, I told you I liked Eddie) or the situation above. I say, it's WM2K, and Kane, Paul, and the Big Man par-tay. They get a little groove in on the run and Tori gets Tombstoned to kingdom come.

EARNEST MILLER (w/Mae Old) v. MILFotY TERRI (w/Fabulose Cash Money)
B: I don't care. No one else does. This ain't gonna be a match.
WI: The WWF finally breaks down the 4th wall and the match is 18 minutes of them sucking face. Lawler has a heart attack and dies. Oh, yeah, sucking face in a tub full of pudding.
WT: It doesn't matter what happens! Show me puppies below the age 40 bracket and I'll be a happy-go-jacky camper.

{TRIANGLE LADDERS & MAYBE TABLES MATCH OH MY}[WORLD TAG TITLES]: TOTAL REQUEST WORKRATE CAROLINA (w/Gap outfits) v. EDGE (I think while we weren't looking he turned heel) & CHRISTIAN (him too) v. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE'S FAVE BAND THE DUDLEYS
B: Hardys/Blondie goes back to October, Match of the Year. Hards beat Duds at Rumble. Duds win straps at nWo. E & C beat Hards at same. E & C are now Lovitzing (figure it out) over the attention payed to TRWC, while the Dudleys are merely kicking everyone's ass with the 3D, including both of these teams.
WI: So many "holy shit" chants Mushnick caps himself. Senton bomb off the top of the ladder through a table! 3D off the ladder through a table! Insert move here off the ladder through a table! Dudleys survive a war.
WT: ****, Dudleys hang on, setting up some sort of whacky death match between the pretty boys at Backlash.

{TRIPLE THREAT TWO FALLS} [EUROPEAN & INTERCONTINENTAL TITLES]: INTERNET DEITY/MR. ROBOTO CHRIS BENOIT v. SUPREME OVERLORD CHRIS "WWY2JD?" JERICHO v. EUROCONTINENTAL CHAMP, OLYMPIC MEDALIST, COLOR COMMENTATOR, PITTSBURGH HERO, BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR KIRK ANGEL
B: In a title v. title match v. Y2J, Angle used his intelligence to come away with both belts. It's true! It's true. But the Ayatollah say "He who hast stolen my gold shall get a rapacious incursion that he will never, e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeeVER forget agayn!" Benoit's silent but violent. The rules say one fall, one belt, triple threat rules for both. One could come out double champ. One could walk out with one. One could be a big giant loser and get squat.
WI: ****. Angle retains Euro, Jericho regains the InterChrisinental, setting up a submission match for the IC at Backlash between him and Benoit. Forgive me, workrate boner.
WT: Angle wins IC, but Benoit gets Euro, if the rumors are true that God's gonna win and set up that tournament where Chris would obstinebly make the finals. It doesn't really matter here-as long as these guys come to make the donuts no choice is the wrong one.

{FATAL FOURWAY}[WORLD TITLE]: WELL IT'S THE BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR (w/Shane O' Mac) v. THE PEOPLE'S CHAMP (w/Vinnie Mac) v. NO GIMMICKS NEEDED MICK GOD FOLEY (w/Linda) v. THE GAME-UH(w/the box he came in, Yoko McHelmsley)
B: Show goes over Rock thanks to Shane at nWo, hHh retires Foley. OR SO THE GERMANS WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE! Rock beats Show thanks to returning Vince, Shane turns it into a triple threat, triple threat happens last Monday with H prevailing, wherein Linda comes out and says, "Hey, guess who's coming back for one night only?" The answer is NOT Koko B. Ware, by the way. This match is now it.
WI: I called one guy God, so I think it's pretty safe to say I'd like him to win.
WT: Foley wins! Foley wins! Foley wins! (Perhaps Austin or the UT come out and jack him up) Cue sunset, Foo Fighters' "My Hero" and Vince turns on the Rock reforming the Corp w/Shane to stop Steph.

Also, there'll be a hardcore battle royal. Tazz'll win. Them is the picks. Your mileage may vary.


I'm outta like I stole!

Butch Rosser
Supreme Overlord for Life, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt
President-Elect, Cabana Boys of Trish Stratus


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