Todd Thomas on my quasiracist opener last week: Kinda like Chris Rock. I'm laughing so hard I'm not even worried about whether my white ass should be offended...some countries (including my people, the Welsh) have been occupied by the UK for 800 years...

Todd Thomas on wrestling as he sees it: Love how WCW decides to push [The Wall] down our throats, putting him in about 14 too many matches...I've yet to see anything this guy does that justifies the treatment he gets. Bigelow would've been a better choice...digging Hancock...sorry to let this wrestling thing inconvenience you Hulk.

Hopefully that all made sense...

-->Start at the open. Yeah, 800 years sucks but you're still white. I guess you know the Rock line: "Not a white person in this room will trade places with me...and I'm rich! There's some one-eyed busboy in the back going "I'm gonna ride this thing out, see where it takes me." Damn Brits. I guess the Welsh knocked their teeth out, right? You actually have seen the reason Wall got the push. Bald guy, tat, name of Goldberg. The Ms. rules of course. And Hulk wants to go back to Vince? Man, if I was VKM, Hulk's job description on his 2001 taxes would read "Rodney's bitch". Why doesn't Todd write his own column, you ask? Because he's saving the Adirondacks? What is it? I don't know! But someone this coherent and cool needs help. E him @ rcpatodd@netheaven.com to help this man Fight The Power and Stick It To The Man, kids!

And future Harvard valedictorian Dave Mankin, uncensored:

ha your column rocks my sheep

keep it up

--->Um, Dave if my column rocks your sheep, what are you doing with your free time? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Onto the LISTO DEL FUEGO: BOO-YAH! "Freaks & Geeks" is back! THIS is the best show you're not watching! Unless you're not watching "Sports Night"! Still, what's wrong with being #2? Ask Paul Heyman! He likes it! Paul E. likes it!

15) **STING'S BACK! KINDA!**
Hey, if him and Vamp hook up, they'd be a viable Broodish style tag team. Old and new, technico style and lucha, worked with Daisy Fuentes, hasn't worked with Daisy Fuentes...

14) **HOGAN SUCKS**
There's a reason all the decent wrestlers are ripping you, Terry. Be like Dan, realize your time was last millennium and please, oh Mick, please SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

13) **WHITHER THE BLONDE BOMBSHELLS?**
You know why they're really going to Turnerland? WCW fans can't chant "She's a crack whore!"

12) **PUSHING VAMPIRO(?)**
Can he...here's a left-fielder for you...GET THE PINFALL IN A MATCH WORTH A SWEET RAT'S ASS! If this Sting thing holds, though...ayyy!

11) **JUST SOME PALE WHITE FUCK NAMED THE WALL**
I liked him better a few years ago with black hair when he was 911.

10) **DEANO MACHINO GOES GOLDEN**
Um...I thought he'd be first since he's LH and the other guys are main-eventing. Why didn't Y2J call him Deano Machino on HeAT? Oh, well, you can't get everything you want. Eddie v. Essa @ WM2K? Sign me up, baby, 35 bucks or not.

09) **MATT HARDY MISSES THE ENDSPOT**
OK, fine, don't let Head Cheese go over. But come on! He missed it by a foot! Give me a senton bomb! Twist of Fate! Gimme somethin'! I guess he's not a cyborg after all.

08) **CRAZY ESTA EL CAMPEON TELEVISION**
Es muy bueno. Para, donde esta Jerry Lynn? Tercera caidas, por favor! Word.

07) **ELLIOT SHEAR...WHAT?**
Or, as I like to call him, the bastard son of Dr. Evil and Nigel Exposition. (Cause see, he's evil, and gives the...ah, screw it)

06) **CORINO!**
Can we give him more mic time? Let him win some, too. The man has skills, and you want paying dues? He jobbed to Dusty F'n Rhodes. Crazy needs a heel challenger...

05) **ARN ON THE MIC**
The gleam in the excrement.

04) **MS.HANCOCK**
Or as I like to call her (incoherent joyful moaning)

03) **THE DON OF HEELDOM**
Well, well, well, another great acting/commentary job from Don "I'm the #1 Heel All The Way/By The Time We Hit Halloween I'll Be Making Fun of USA" Callis.

02) **VINCE IS BACK!**
There are times when I think I've lost the mark inside me. But, then, I find him again, and it's pretty fucking cool, even when I know it's coming. Oh, joy!

01) **THE DUDLEYS ROCK MY METAPHORICAL SHEEP**
OK, the spot owned, we know this. Let's delve into the acting job. First, the crisp 3D. Secondly, the prelude with Young. It looked like they'd seen the error of their ways and for the briefest of glimmers I saw them good. Then BBR's eyes happened to rove right and see the tables. The thought consumes his being. He whispers something to his brother. His trigger fingers twitch. He goes into his switched-on phase...but doesn't get all the way there. Because he remembers what he whispered to his brother and keeps him from pushing her off in a deft move. He says, "What the hell are you doing?" D-Von points at the tables. They share a laugh and point at the audience, as if to say "What? You don't actually want us to go through with this, do you?" [Scary sidenote: was it just me or did the crowd pop and chant "Table!"]. And they shrugged and BBR's look went from "Who, me?" to "[evil robotic voice] The old bitch must go down and she must go down hard." And how about Mae taking this shit for the 2nd week in a row? Jazz isn't hardcore; she's just just a black chick. Dawn Marie is just cuddly. Francine isn't hardcore; she looks like a Bon Jovi groupie now (It's true! It's true!). Mae Young IS hardcore. How many more bumps in the past 3 months has she taken than Hogan, Hall and Nash combined since, say...the fall of 97? And the impressive thing is that it's not even like she's hurt. Those wacky runner guys were right: WHEELS OF STEEL, BABY! WHEELS OF STEEL!

@LARGE: TAFKAPI still blows, How Bout them Lakers?, That Vince Carter boy's got a future, Okerlund Arrested for DUI, LSD's bad trip, "Mr. Saturday Night" Jim Duggan, Elektra Turns, Billy Ray Awesome Reigns Supreme, Netcop Nitro, Terry Funk & Roadkill father & son?, Moolah turns heel, Chyna on "3rd Rock".

Well, I finally came through with my weekly column dream. But will it mean a fucking thing? E me! Find out! Until then, this is Butch Rosser, reminding you to ride the big one.

Oh, yes, I'm away like I commited larceny.