Chris Depetro, from Chi-town, about the weekend column:
WOW! I LIKE that idea, a LOT. Seriously, the plan is well thought out and logical, and there are no flaws to it. I honestly believe that something like that could work, and work extremely well. Great idea!
--> Ahhh....I feel like Bischoff after that first hit of Vampiro.

Well, kids, it's time for the LISTO DEL FUEGO. We're all all right. We're all all right. Basically because we're not watching Nitro.

15) **JUST SOME PALE WHITE FUCK NAMED THE WALL**
In lieu of Billy Gunn I have two words for you: YOU SUCK. Two more? Tanning salon! Oh, the one move wonder. He likes the big time.

14) **EDGE & CHRISTIAN TO SPLIT?**
Inquiring 12-year-old girls hang on the edge (sorry) of their seats!

13) **HOW MANY SHOTS OF RIKISHI'S ASS WERE THERE?**
WE GET THE POINT! It's times like that that make me a proud owner of "Wild Things".

12) **ELROY DEFENDS 24/7**
Me and CRZ had the exact same thought. Creepy, no? But this could be funny. I mean, wouldn't it be sorta funny if some wrestler softened him up, and as he turned to the ref, some little kid or old lady covered him for the 3 and the title? Word. Eep op ork means "Please, large man, quit hitting me so hard." apparently.

11) **FLAIR VS. HENNING**
Now THAT made me happy to be watching "Nitro". It's not like they'll build on it or anything, so I'll continue to bitch and moan.

10) **KANE GOES BACK TO HIS ROOTS**
"Chokeslam! Chokeslam! Chokeslam!" The funny thing, is that in his head, he's thinking of Tori Amos songs.

09) **MS.HANCOCK**
I went to Worldwide to get my fix. Worldfuckinwide. I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm hot for Hancock.

08) **THE RISE AND FALL OF LA PARKA**
One minute, you're winning again on Thunder, the next some talentless slug punches you out, the next some over-dubbed voice is saying that he's the true shaolin master.

07) **PUSHING TANK ABBOTT**
There's a message, kids: PULL A KNIFE ON A GUY! Your parents will give you lots of candy and a PlayStation!

06) **PUSHING VAMPIRO**
Now, HERE'S something I can get behind in WCW that doesn't let down her hair and shake and shake and...my pen exploded. Huh? I mean, Vampiro's cool. TV Title, rightful owner, and all that. La la la la la la la....

05) **BOB F'N BACKLUND?!**
Lemme wrap my junior college brain around this. Jericho's ahead on points. Hit the Lionsault. Put Kirk in the Walls. CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY! Of course, the angle *npi* makes sense, and could actually turn out to be cool but why did they have to shank Chris in the meantime? Yes, all of these are ending horny and/or bitter. It's been that kind of week.

04) **ANGLE v. SARGE**
That rocked. I am surprised and amazed. In WCW, Sarge could be World Title holder. Like he'd want it. I've supported Angle from word one, so I have no qualms over than the ones previously listed. Now, with Backlund back and the Stooges out of sight---the Real Americans? Could it be? Believe it or not...

03) **BLACKMAN OWNS**
This is why I'll continue to kiss CRZ's ass, since he was on this bandwagon when it was a party of one. And he beat a Hardy Boy. The finishing manuever will be called the Cheese Grater before WM2K. Mark it down now.

02) **3-WAY ON TNN**
Ahhh....Tajiri just is the shit. Funniest moment all week: some guy screaming "You're dead!" at Super Crazy after he took a .7 on the Tajiri scale outside, got up and took a 1.3 superkick that sounded like a damn rifle shot. NOW he's dead.

01) **IT'S OFFICIAL: THE DUDLEYS ARE MY DAWGS!**
YES! YES! Thank the Lord in Heaven up above! Get Visuckra! Get Midumb! Thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not watch Nitro, and thou shalt not fuck with the tag champs! TESTIFY! Sleep now in the fire! (Oh, only if RATM had released it earlier, I could've made a Tori joke. You play the cards you're dealt.)

@LARGE: Chavo si, the Dog no, "Mr.Saturday Night" Jim Duggan, Essa & Lita squabble, Terri is the devil, Billy Ray Awesome wins again, New ECW Tag Champs, announce some damn matches for Living Dangerously!

Well, maybe I'll be in a better mood next week. After all, Britney Spears is doing a "Got Milk?" ad so I'll have jokes for weeks! Keep an eye on your walllet, a hand on your Glock, and I'm outta here like I stole somethin'!