You are here /wrestling
/guests
/Butchster
Guest Columns

Butchster

Main

BLAH

WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER

It's the last day of Black History Month. Though as D.L. Hughley accurately points out, we're lucky we didn't get BH Minute. So, for all those Black Internet wrestling columnists who paved the way for my wise ass, I salute you. Butchaholics Synonomus, welcome to SLASH IS ROSSER! And since we all love caps, NOW IS THE TIME ON CRZ OR RANTSYLVANIA WHEN I CORE RESPOND DANCE!, and whoo-ee is it a big one:

Returning to the CRD, trdn89: Magnolia takes the beating stick to (American Beauty)...and hell, you can be the second Online Wrestling Personality to mention Paul Thomas Anderson in some capacity in a *wrestling* column, and the first one not named Scott Keith. Still diggin' the column. Keep your whomp-ass workrate up.
-->"Magnolia" could've been the best thing since "Wild Things" but if I don't see it, I can't review it. Did you see it? He capitalized OWP! You know what that means: I'VE ARRIVED, BABY! YEAH!

Tony Page: I really laughed @ the New Radicals references in the (No Way Out) preview for the 6-man tag.
-->You laughed at that? Maybe you've been brainwashed, too.

William Ricks talks about 12-yr-old girl domination and the decline of Western Civilization: Well, they took a hiatus from 1991 to 1997, but, yes they're back. And no, I don't like it anymore than you do.
-->As that astute student of the frailty that is the human condition Beavis would put it, "It sucks, damnit! It sucks!!"

Gil Batzri: Your shit is highly funny, props to you...do you have a copy of SuperBrawl or know someone that does? If you do, you are God. Thanks and keep up the good work.
-->There's only one God that's male, and his name's Mick Foley. I'm Supreme Overlord for Life, don't you read this thing to the end? Seriously, if any of you Butchaholics want to help Gil (I think we know who's brainwashed now), send him an E @ GBatzri@cybercash.com. (Sorry, I already taped over my copy! - CRZ)

ADRgizmo is playing Mindy to my Brain: Will Rock get the Grand Slam like HBK? Will HBK show up on WWF TV again? Can UT team with Kane on his return and win the tag straps? I want to see Tazz face the upper carders...
-->I don't think so, 'cause what's the point of the Rock holding anything not the World title, maybe not, the whole marriage and kids thing seems to have settled his roaming, I don't think so since the Tag division is so strong now and last year they were used to keep normal main-event slip-shod teams (UT, TBS, Rock n'Sock) in the spotlight. Everyone bitched about Tazz, but between the Radicali jump and all, he's got to pay some dues. Jeez! It's like Tazmaniac never existed!

And, some poignant words from SMILEYSAM: God, it's wonderful being a WWF fan! When I [saw Mick] wrestle, I felt like I [was] watching a good friend in action. I'm so glad I was able to appreciate his efforts and accomplishments while he was in his prime.
--> Amen, Brother Sammy. Amen. I'll have more @ #1.

And now, it's the LISTO DEL FUEGO: we don't even want to talk about that Mae Young thing, mmmkay?

15) **MS. HANCOCK**
I got seven words for ya: chicken pot chicken pot chicken pot pie!

14) **LAME ADDITIONS TO NO WAY OUT**
Mark Henry and Viscera? Tazz getting his brains scrambled? Is this what I get for not going to church anymore?

13) **YAY! SHANE'S BACK! BOO! HE SCREWED THE ROCK!**
This is why I went 2-for-7! Why the hizell is he w/Captain Insane Show anyway? The longer SOM & Steffi stay around, the harder it'll be to logically explain Vince taking the reigns back when he shows. Come on, Vince! All is forgiven. Unless you ran over Austin.

12) **TERRI TURNS ON THE HARDYS**
And I care why? More skimpy outfits stat!

11) **Y2J & CHYNA CUT THE RUG**
No wonder hHh keeps her around: a hot chick who can dance and kick your ass! And Jericho doing the "Thriller" homage, ah...that's good television.

10) **HEAD CHEESE LOSES AGAIN?**
It's like some high-up muckety muck is going out there and TELLING THEM to lose! Conspiracy! Conspiracy!

09) **BROOKLYN BRAWLER ON AT TEN**
What a colossal bitchslap to the South. You put on YOUR lamest guys, and we'll put on ours. Wait, yours is for the World Title? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

08) **KANE GOES BACK TO HIS ROOTS**
"What am I doing out here? That's right, it doesn't matter. Everyone must feel my wrath! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM!! Ahhh...almost as much fun as pushing the rock."

07) **ELROY'S HARDCORE!**
You know, he was known as kind of a hardcore cruiser in the indys. He should have a nice month-long run before Tazz damn near kills him. Word.

06) **"MR. SATURDAY NIGHT" JIM DUGGAN**
We shall not rest until we get La Parka! We want La Parka! We want La Parka! Hell, people there with signs wanted La Parka! Fight the Power! Stick It To The Man! No Nukes! Save the Whales!

05) **TESTIFY IN GOLD!**
And the nAo is dead, dead, dead, too. Sometimes, every once in a while, the booking sheet smiles on you.

04) **THE DON OF HEELDOM**
Who can turn a network heel? Who gives off perfect smarmy feel? Callis! Callis? Who rules at working a mic? Who makes ECDub hate him every night? Callis! Callis!

03) **ANGLE BEATS JERICHO!**
I had something witty to say, but I was too busy booing and then watching him toss His Phatness' salad.

02) **"I'M NOT A BAD GUY! I HAVE FOOTAGE!"**
Ahh, all those lessons from Sandler must've paid off. The "wassssssupppp?!?!" for wrestling fans everywhere.

01) **FOLEY IS GOD FOREVER**
Mick, you own, baby. I was listening to the radio (as I am wont to do) a couple of hours before and heard "I Will Remember You". I laughed and thought to myself, "Hell, they'll use that for Foley, everybody else does." And then they did. And I cried. And the second time when I watched the playback. And the third. And the fourth through seventh. If that didn't touch you in some way---the dancing with 2 Cool & Rikishi, that smile on the Rock's face--then you, sir or madam, are a moron and/or a cyborg. The man gave it all Sunday night as he had every night for 15 years. Was some of it for him? Obviously. But as much as he wanted for himself, that's how much he gave to us. So, Mick, sit back, have some Chicago-style, chase the kids about and tell Collette all the Al Snow jokes you have. 'Cause we will remember you. And I'd like to think that in some shape or form, you will remember us. So, have mercy, a nice day, and BANG BANG! BANG BANG!

@LARGE: Ralphus shows, La Parka wins on Thunder, Ugh...the Wall, Netcop quits Thunder Rants, Rikki Rachtman...argh, F'NG HARRIS BROTHERS, 3 Count Is Hardcore?, Norman Jobs Again, Make Mine Crowbar, It's cavalry, damnit!, Bye Bye Billy Gunn.

You can read another restaurant quality column from the coolest thing to come from the UK since Austin Powers, Marvellous Martin, HERE (Can I have a link, Christopher Robin?). If you ain't read "Have A Nice Day" go do so. Its tales, like the lovable author, will never get old. I'm outta here like I stole---wait, go to the [slash]/EMZEE FORUMS! They rock, and my Dream WrestleMania is up, since that'll be my next series of weekenders. Get them votes that matter in today!
Oh, yeah...somethin'!

Butch Rosser
Supreme Overlord for Life, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt

Mail the Author

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission