You are here /wrestling
/guests
/Butchster
Guest Columns

Butchster

Main

BLAH

WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER

Hello, fellow wrestling likers. Butch Rosser here, the 5th (or 6th) DX member, the missing Dudley brother, and what the hell, at this time, I announce myself the WCW World Television Champion. This is my first column, so here's my gimmick: The EW guy has his top 15 things, and I have mine--it's just wrestling-based and called "El Listo Del Fuego" to avoid copyright infringement. So, if you're ready to follow, let me lead. I should also add that this whole thing's a work, since I am the Chosen One. Sorry.

15) **KURT ANGLE AMUSES ME**
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear the whining already. Whatta buncha Ryders. Angle is f'n hilarious, in the Y2J family-friendly heel mode. The three I's thing--how long until there's a T-shirt? Hell, I'd make him Euro champ, have him rename it the American title, and people would boo him even more. Too bad he's gonna make Blackman his biatch (sorry, CRZ). Hey, if this was 1980, maybe even 1990, all the marks would love him and asking "How long until the title shot?"

14) **DAWN MARIE'S OUTFIT LAST WEEK**
Tammy who? She used to be a what?

13) **DIE BUZZKILL DIE**
Stop, oh God, make it stop! Brad Armstrong is a more than capable wrestler who used to be Cruiserweight Champ (kids, ask your parents). Now, he's in the shadow of his brother up north. I bet Christmas was REAL PLEASANT at the Armstrong's. As Sean told us, "Gimmick infringement is almost felonious."

12) **TEST, TORI.....WHA???**
What the damn hell is wrong with Tori? Why the hell hasn't Test gone crazy since his woman left him? Why does this sound like a Batman promo from the 60's?. The Royal Rumble's got 'some splainin to do...

11) **HAVE A BAD DAY**
It was funny, IMNSHO. Of course, Lazarus was dead, he came back. Jesus rose from the grave, only to turn heel....Come home, CJ, all is forgiven. And get Triple the Blasphemer while you're at it.

10) **NITRO BACK TO TWO HOURS**
What have we learned, kids? The WWF came to WCW all right-WE WANT FLAIR! WE WANT FLAIR! WE WANT FLAIR! It's candy everybody wants, Russo? So your ratings are growning lazy! Use Flair to turn them on!

09) **THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER**
You mean the Presidents of the United States of America are back? BOOYEAH! Oh, no, it's the nWo. Shit. Why don't we get Hogan to come back. Remember on "Celebrity Deathmatch" when Manson killed Hanson & the Spice Girls? I hope before the year ends, Benoit, Eddy, Kidman and the like do it to Hogan, Sid, and the notagainWo.

08) **RVD SHOULD LOSE THE TITLE**
20 months, Paul. You realize most fans now have the attention spans of four-year-old crackheads?? Let him lose to Sabu. The Awesome/Tanaka musical chairs thing could be a opening for the master of the 4:20 splash to get what we all think he deserves. His opponents are getting suckier since the Lynn epics (Whipwreck, C.W. Anderson, Guido) so let the man drop it and give him the big shiny one.

07) **STEPH IS HOT**
Yeah, all right, it's late 20 going on 14. So what? Steph pre-heel turn was like grass, just there, sorta pretty depending on where you were, could walk all over it. Now that she's hooked up with Triple the Blasphemy, caliente mejor, ninos!! The "good girl gone bad"--either Vince WILL do anything for ratings (I know mine have gone up) or he's away cause this is hitting a little too close to home.

06) **SHOULDN'T ECW HAVE A CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE?**
The last place where WRESTLING lives. Blitzkrieg just got the S-can. And you know Paul E. is messing himself trying to find us new ways to get Crazy vs. Tajiri for the 1938th time. There's enough capable guys there to pull it off. Just an idea. Word From the Butchster.

05) **TERRY FUNK IS COMMISH**
Funk is bringing out Arn AnderWE WANT FLAIR! WE WANT FLAIR! WE WANT FLAIR! Or, down south of the border YO QUIERO FLAIR! YO QUIERO FLAIR!

04) **MIKE AWESOME, WELCOME TO HEEL-DOM**
So, Awesome won the title, and not knowing him stained the belt in the eyes of a lot of ECDub fans. Plus, he was just kind of there. Good guy, bad guy, who knew? 2nd Title reign and he puts everyone's favorite little guy through a table and wallops his groupie? Sweeeet. That's how you turn heel, and making him the champion who's been going through everyone non-Tanaka is even better. I may have bashed Paul on a couple previous, but this is one he got right.

03) **HOW THE HELL DID TOO COOL GET OVER?!?**
They only showed up once before GMS (figure it out) got hurt. Even with their first appearances, not much. Add fat Samoan guy and now everyone's saying they're pretty fly for some white guys and throwing their hands in the air and waving them about as if there were no repurcussions. Meh. They make me laugh, so it's O.K. But someone please teach S2H another move or 3. He's doesn't dance badly, he's just overly caucasian.

02) **DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR, NEW WCW TAG TEAM CHAMPS**
Lifted directly from Adam Sandler: "Oh, somebody kill me please. Somebody, KILL ME, please! I'M BEGGING ON MY KNEES! PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE KILL ME!!! I WANT TO DIE!! PUT A BULLET IN MY HEEEEEEEEAD!!" Yeah, THIS is gonna turn the ratings tide. Turn it NEGATIVE, RUSSO, LORD DUMBFUCK IF THE TITLES DON'T MEAN ANYTHING WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT! HELL, WHY DON'T I TEAM UP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL!!! I'm better now, I swear I is....

01) **TWO INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONS?!?!**
Jerichoholics, where's the protesting? The rioting in the streets? The man said it himself, "In case of a draw, the champ retains!!" IT'S A CONSPIRACY!! SWEET HOLY NON-HEEL-TURNED-GOD, BOB RYDER WAS RIGHT!!! TURN ON WCW INSTEAD AND WATCH VAMPIRO JOB TO MADUSA INSTEAD! Seriously, Steph couldn't program a blowoff for the Rumble and kept it in limbo until then? I think someone had too much Dom.....

Also recieving votes: PUSH JERRY LYNN, Henry/Harvey/Young/Moolah New Year's Day/December romances, Mae Young should just stop with the bronco buster, Al Snow is an effective heel, Hardys rule the free world, Jennifer Love Hewitt removes restraining order, Smack!Down best new T.V. show.

Until next time, kids, I'm Butch Rosser, and I'm outta here like I stole somethin'. Oh, and I want Flair too.

Butch Rosser
Rant Crew

Mail the Author
Visit Rantsylvania: Home of the Rant Crew

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission