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Scott Rees

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REES' PIECE OF MIND
HyatteThis!

I figure anyone reading this falls into one of two groups. Friends of mine are the first; extremely hardcore fans who read anything about wrestling on the web are the second. The hardcore fans are probably well aware that ScoopThis!.com has reverted (again) to a wrestling intensive format. And right now they have the funniest parody I've ever read, titled "Finally, The Rock has Come!" Go read it, and come back.

Anyway, I'm a big fan of STc, as they call it. At least when they stay focused on wrestling. And the addition of Chris Hyatte to the mix makes perfect sense. Let's face it - the Mop-Ups have about as much to do with pro-wrestling as the Ms. Rumble Bikini Contest did. Hyatte has written some great serious stuff in his "And Another Thing" column at Scoops. The Mop-Ups, however, are about Pat Patterson jokes, ripping other web personalities, and generally crude shit. Hey, if you want a recap with both humor and a play-by-play, read CRZ's stuff. It's the best; Hyatte even admits it. But no one on the net is funnier than Hyatte when he's got a bug up his ass.

Hyatte made another bold statement in his last column, about how he was going to do everything he could to gain back number one recapper status. This is from the guy who has trouble turning in columns two weeks in a row. Naturally, he had "hardware problems" and didn't get his second set in last week.

But that's the beauty of Hyatte. He's not supposed to turn his shit in every week. He's not supposed to be dependable. I think the weeks off help because it makes us ask, "Where the Fuck is Hyatte?" And when he does come back, part of the fun is seeing what his excuse was this week, and hearing him say he'll never, eeeeeever, do it again.

And by the way, those of you who took the three-week over on Hyatte, pay up. For those that took the under, I would like to remind you that gambling is illegal in the state of Illinois and you should be ashamed of yourself.

The last part here is my interpretation of the STc FAQ. They have a short deal on how to become a STc writer, and some of their comments and rules just begged to be spoofed. So I did. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and if you didn't, Go F' yourself.

Q: How do I become an STc writer?
A:
The address for material submissions is dscherer@1wrestling.com. There are a few guidelines to follow to better your chances of being considered for publication.

  • "Hi. My name is Joe. Want me to write for you? Please respond."
    Sure. Feel free to write us checks at anytime.
  • Use a spell-check.
    Check should be made out to S-C-O-O-P-T-H-I-S-.-C-O-M.
  • Yes, there are lines we won't cross.
    Although you might not think so at first glance, STc pays a lot of attention to respecting the boundaries of good taste. That's why we hired Chris Hyatte.
  • This means no nudity, coarse language or overly graphic imagery. For example, please see our story about a WWF ad banned by ABC from the Super Bowl. For the two pictures where the Rock is mounting the fan doggy-style, her breasts are hidden. The last picture, where the fan hand-jobs an unknown wrestler (rumor is Rikishi) while the Rock penetrates from the front, was edited so you couldn't actually see anything good. Just like any other smart porn site, you have to subscribe at $29.95 a month to see the unedited version.
  • ENOUGH RANTERS! Send your articles to CRZ at /Wrestling. He'll post anything!
  • Being mean is easy - being funny is not. But if you can be mean about other internet wrestling personalities, now that's funny.
  • BE UNIQUE! Don't send us what we already have.
    For example, don't send us our FAQ rewritten with your unfunny, smart-ass comments included.
  • MAKE FUN OF CANADIANS! If all else fails, everyone loves a good Canadian joke.

Scott Rees
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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission