This is the BOBOB PAY PER VIEW REVIEW. My two cats tagged along with me to the United Center, and I let them run loose, getting exclusive interviews from their distinct viewpoint (about eight inches off the ground). I believe you'll find it intere....

Bo: Get off the keyboard, fatass. It's time for The BO to tell these cocksuckers the truth!

Bob: That's right - put away the children, but leave the women out, as I'm Ready TO Rumble!

Bo: Patience, Bob, we'll check out the porn sites soon enough. Let's talk opening match. It sucked ass. Why the fuck did Disco shake his head yes when Russo said the Mamalukes weren't enough to beat Team Package? What kind of homo is he, anyway? Dic Flair was in street clothes, the nimrod. Break out the robe, jackass, that's what the people paid to see. Liz jealous that your titties are bigger? Russo's "Not so Big Package" line was a nice touch, as was the dumbass behind me yelling at the Harris Boyz to put their two heads together and they'd make an asshole. This is from the same dipshit who said Disco was Paul Roma - stupid cocksucker, everyone knows Roma is a Villano. Anyway, everyone but the dumbass mark next to me knew the Mamas and the twin pieces of shit would end up fighting, and sure enough, Package beats Johnny the Bullshitter. What'd ya think, Bob?

Bob: Liz has a nice ass and tits for a 40 year old. I got down close for a good look - no panties, but she's showing her age.

Bo: Second match was Mancow versus Jimmy Hart. Hart had on a Howard Stern shirt and a big motherfucker behind him. The Cowfather brought out four ho's, Freak, Al Roker Jr. in some nice African Bambatta wear, and Turd looking fine in a pimped out suit. Now just because I liked Turd's clothes don't make me no fag - keep bitching and I'll gag your mama so fast, she'll be choking up cum-soaked hairballs for a week. Anyway, the match sucked ass, but the dumbfucks in the crowd enjoyed it. The big MF with Hart had a nice press slam on Mancrap, but then left?? What the fuck? Someone tell him Roids were on sale in the back? Anyway, Cow with a chair and a win. Get this shit out of here.

Bob: Nice looking titties on one ho. I recognized one from the rear - can't remember her name.

Bo: Scott Steiner versus the Wall. This match sucked ass. I expected a Big Piecea Shit win, but from a Scissors Sid attack. Instead, Steiner got a DQ after poking Wall in the eyes. The blinded Wall picks up the ref for the chokeslam. Pretty funny, but ridiculous. Scotty has to get rid of that crap-ass song about him and his brother. They're not teaming, and they're not faces.

Bob: The Booty Daddy didn't mumble anything and didn't bring in some choice pussy either. Homo.

Bo: Mike "the baddest motherfucker on the planet" Awesome versus Bam Bam "PLEASE SHANE RESTART THE TRIPLE THREAT" versus the Shat. Awesome is a bad dude. My puss-ass dad said he wouldn't stop Awesome from raping us. Remind me to smack that fat fuck again. Awesome showed why he's the best big man in the sport. The Cat dances and Awesome turns his lights out.

Bob: The CatFather should have brought out some hos.

Bo: Indeed. Shooting Shane Douglas and the Buff fag versus Harlem Eat. Big T's so fat he has to haul ass with a wheelbarrel. Stevie's got no talent. Shane Douglas rules, but this match sucked ass. Two New Blood teams facing off, and everyone hates the new Harlem Heat, so Douglas and the AssStuffer are forced to play face. This is a bad pairing. Buff is a flaming pretty boy. The chicks dig him (they always like the guys they don't have to put out for), and the rest of us just hate him. Anyway, Shane wins by nutshotting Big T(ake it like a man, bitch), who just watches Franchise pin Stevie. Shane looks good. Crowd hated match.

Bob: That Cass dude is a BIG MF. His arms are as big as my schlong.

Bo: The next two matches sucked ass. Sting beat Booker T clean, and Vampiro pinned Kidman after Hogan beat the shit out of him. First off, Sting should have been fighting Kidman, and Vampiro again Booker. Booker is a face, he shouldn't be wrestling Sting. Vampiro could have beaten Booker after Russo led interference because of Booker's actions on Thunder. They could have used the same ending for a Kidman/Sting match, and it would make more sense because Hogan would be helping Sting, AKA Steve Blow-up. Sting could have saved himself here, letting Hogan do all the work. Instead, we had two crap matches which the fans didn't like, especially Kidman/Vampiro. The whole arena could here Bob panting over Torrie.

Bob: I'd knock that booty any day of the week. Come to think of it, I did last Thursday.

Bo: Hogan's a donkey-fucker, but he was great here. He made Kidman his bitch. The powerbomb where Kidman bounced off the table was just rude. Then the cops pulling they're guns on him was cool - Dad was yelling "Shoot!" Chicago PD shoulda have eaten him alive. Hogan chilled considerably with the guns pointed at him. Me thinks a rent-a-cop was on the take here and was flexing an itchy trigger finger.

Bob: Can you believe Torrie's banging Kidman? Lucky bastard.

Bo: She must like being able to manhandle him. Next was Smiley versus Funk for the Hardcore belt. Terry Funk is a crazy son-of-a-bitch. He took around seven chair shots to the head. This was a fun little match the crowd liked until it came out to the ring. The Funker was on tonight. He drilled Smiley with a thrown chair, and had a nice finisher when he just dropped the ladder from the ring onto Smiley. The cell-phone dude sitting next to Dad said he'd had that happen to him and it didn't hurt. Go make another call for crack, tough guy.

Bob: Ya ever wonder what Dustin Rhodes was thinking leaving Terri? Maybe she wore him out. I tell ya, she is a tough one to satisfy. Took me twenty minutes, which is fifteen longer than usual.

Bo: Got to set up the Sting/Steiner match, so the Real BMF has to get screwed. Kevin Nash limps his ass down and smacks Awesome with a crutch. Recliner, and it's over. Still, Awesome laid a solid slingshot shoulderblock and a devastating top rope elbow smash before tapping out. Nice showing, but they have to start small with him after he jobbed out to Tazz. As for the second match, Sting had a great entrance. That's about all he did. He blew-up a minute into the match, and it absolutely sucked. He called Vampiro off the top rope twice, earning the BOBOB Real Pussy award for the evening. He made Vamp look like shit and job cleanly. If I were Vamp, I'd of been beyond pissed.

Bob: Two matches with no chicks. What the F..

Bo: Chill, Bob, the suicide six man for the cruiser belt had three. This match was a giant clusterfuck that could have been much better. It should have been an elimination match with tornado rules. Working under these horrible restraints, they still put on a great spotfest. Three Count got some serious heat for their BackDoor Boys ripoff. Daffney hit a sweet rana on Crowbar, and got good pops for screaming at Juvi. Juvi Juice looked good. I was hoping for a top rope powerbomb from Candido, but it didn't happen. He wins after Tammy comes in and pushes the Ambigously Gay Wrestler. Absolute classic moment not caught on film: as Tammy first starts to walk down to the ring, she wipes out on the ramp. The whole crowd saw it. Hope Tammy can find some Soma to ease her pain.

Bob: Chicks galore!! Paisley's a fine piece - I left her my number. Daffney is a two bagger, but she'd be a hell of a lot of fun. And Tammy, poor, poor Tammy. I ran up to see her as she walked out, and she asked me for a hookup. You know, just cause I let her blow me for a fix once doesn't mean I'll always allow her to. Then the dumb bitch tried to kick me, and fell. Stupid Ho.

Bo: The tag belts were won by Buffuck and Douglas. This match sucked ass. The crowd hates Package, and Flair just wasn't on. He fucked up the Flair Flip. Adams and Clark came out; they both looked like serious ass-kickers. That's going to be a good team there. Buff needs to be faced, pronto. Good to see Douglas with the gold after Siegel tried to rip him. Interesting note - Douglas laid in two bat shots on Flair when they were clearly off air.

Bob: I felt bad for Package and Flair here. Liz was crying because I told her I wouldn't be available tonight, and I think that cost them the match.

Bo: Whatever, Loverboy. Steiner and Sting really picked it up for the U.S. final. Sting made it a whole three minutes before blowing up. Good action between the two, and Vamp coming out of the ring surprised me. The "smart marks" behind me called it a rip-off; dude, it's wrestling, everything's a rip-off. At least when WCW does it, nobody dies. Steiner played the heel role to perfection, and walks away a deserved champ. His back made it through three matches; maybe soon they'll put him in the World Title hunt where he belongs.

Bob: WHERE WERE THE CHICKS? Best sign of the night: "I wanna hump like Big Poppa Pump." Trust me, your wife wishes you could.

Bo: Jeff Jarrett and DDP had a surprisingly good match, dare I say great. DDP looked incredible, considering he's 80 and has a bad back. Dad has a special place in his heart for him, as he's trailer park trash too. Ace Stroker is one of the best five in the sport right now. Great psychology in this match, several false finishes, and DDP got the crowd pumped during the rest holds. Once Kimberly got in the ring, the ending was clear, but for 15 minutes I had no clue. Bischoff's presence led me to believe he might back DDP, and I was shocked Russo wasn't out to see his chosen one. One thing I liked was that Jarrett applied the Stroke after Kim tuned DDP up. A great match, and it sets up countless main event matches with a great worker.

Bob: KIMBERLY IS A GODDESS! Tall, slim, beautiful, and the rack was well worth whatever she paid for. And Tammy came down at the end, looking much better than the trash she had on earlier. I thought that ho would clean up well.

Bo: That about does it. In conclusion, the production was top notch, the major storylines went well, and the New Blood is on top. In My Own Damned Cat Opinion, I'd say it was a good show. WCW needs to make Booker and Buff faces, Package a heel, and reform the Triple Threat, but they look pretty damn good right now. Who would have thought two months ago that Scott Steiner, Shane Douglas, and Chris Candido would be holding titles in WCW? The future is bright, but one obvious problem remains. GET GOLDBERG BACK ON TV. You're paying him, it's time to put the bitch back to work.

Bob: I'm off to bang your mama! Bob has left the building!

Bo: And the Bo says if you don't like this report, you can take your keyboard, dust off all of the letters, type Roody-Poo on the screen, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass! IF YA SMELLLLLLL, WHAT THE BO, HAS WRITTEN! Dad, it's time for my snack.