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TED WALKER'S WRESTLING WOES
Hi, I'm Ted Walker, a 43 year old ex-insurance agent with a bum testicle
who lives in the basement of an old Vietnamese market. Let's
see...what's in the news this week...
So CBS wants to put WWF programming on board, eh? Well, looks like
they'll have
to move Bill Cosby's Kids Can Say Some Stupid Shit Sometimes to a
different time slot
to accommodate the antics of our boys at Titan. Welp, as long as they
keep David
Letterman in the same spot I'll always have a reason to make sure my
prostate ain't morphin' into a control center for the local water works!
Go Biff Henderson!!!
So Mae Young gives birth to a severed hand on Raw...doesn't the
creative team know
that you can't get Test over with gimmicks like that? They should have
learned their
lesson back when Sensational Sherri had her period all over the
Mountie's boots!
Scott Hall and Scott Steiner coming back to WCW...there goes the
neighborhood.
Why can't they just keep the damn drug addicts in the Talent Relations
department with
all those former Unabomber suspects and obsessive compulsive textile
engineers who
keep renewing their subscriptions to cat grooming magazines? Inquiring
minds want to know, Roland!
Mick Foley retires after being beaten at No Way Out...well, I don't
know what to say
here, so I'll just think of some cool poetry...
If holding you in my arms
Were a fatal thing to me
Then I would know for certain
What the only thing worth dying for would be...
Tacos
Hardcore pornography flashes thousands of little kids after No Way Out
screens in
Canadian theatres...wow...this is what really disappoints me about our
society. If you're
going to show porn to little kids, at least have the decency to show
them something GOOD, not just whatever it was that went up on those
screens. Like, say...chicks with
ice picks on 12-toed guys named Nick, or monkeys on anacondas, or my
personal
fav', Milwaukee city council members fighting over condoms on
cross-country mountain
biking expeditions while an overweight movie critic takes a bubble bath
with 3 dead horses. OHHH BABY.
Triple H gets in good with the boss...apparently Vince hasn't heard
that part in "My Time" where those little fuckers actually mention the
name "McMahon" during their
corporate bashing. Not like it matters...Vince and Hunter have to be
best friends...how else would little Jamaican boys get to celebrate
Kenny Rogers' birthday? Oxygen sales?
Blue jean mockery? No way, Ricardo.
My tonsils turn indigo every time Shannon Moore scratches the bridge of
his nose.
Is it just me, or is Essa Rios a dead ringer for a young Paul
Rodriguez?
I don't know about you, but I think ECW needs more techno music in its
video packages to go with all the shit-kickin' and panties.
Steven Regal...A beacon in the piss-smelling haze of today's wrestling
world.
That's all my woes for today, kids...say a word or two for me as I set
out this weekend
to become a high school basketball referee. This looks to be one of the
true challenges of my days on Earth, but I've been sitting here looking
through this old ABA Standards and
Regulations ledger for so long that my sinuses are starting to clog up
like they did on that
fateful night when Betty White's character had her heart attack on the
Golden Girls.
Keep on truckin'!
ydarB "I'll take Things That Smell Like Mustard for $3.75, Alex" ehcroP
Emzee Wrestling
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