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Omar Padilla

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ONE SATURDAY MORNING

Holy mother of crap, I'm sorry. I have had NO time to do anything and when I do, I sleep. You see, I have 2 jobs and try to go to "school". Even then, my bank account has " no funds" leaving the people at WebTV sorta bitchy and they pulled the plug on me, but now I'm back.

Thanks to everyone who sent me mail regarding my last column. I guess a lot of people got a kick out of my Spot Calling bit. I just hope nobody steals it now! Help me get a copyright CRZ! Anyhow, while my patent is pending, I will go on with this recap.....

WWF....For over fifty years celebrating the Jewish faith.....and that's because...

Barry Horowitz is in the ring ready for action against Owen Hart (with James E. Cornette)

Your hosts are Vince, Jim Ross and Mr. Perfect

This was right before Wrestlemania XII, so Owen had no real program here. This was during the Camp Cornette nonsense that really sucked. Clips from RAW show a triple team on fat ass Yokozuna from Vader, Owen and The Bulldog only to have two more fat asses in Jake Roberts and Ahmed Johnson make the save. Arm ringers to start off from both guys as Vince praises Owen. Owen does his kick ass escape where his twirls around, does a nip up and reverses the arm bar. To the ropes, spinning heel kick hits. Only gets two. Two european uppercuts follow and a suplex. Woooo! Crowd boos. Barry with the comeback. punch, punch, punch, fireman's carry takeover. Dropkick. Barry grabs Owen and hits a jawbreaker, to the ropes, HA! Belly to belly by Owen, sharphooter, bye, bye. (4:32)

WWF Slamjam....Wrestlemania XII brought to you by TYCO RC. Tickets are STILL on sale! March 31. At the Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim, I'm there! Oh wait, no, I hate Orange County, you see that's the 5 South Freeway here and you DO NOT want to drive anywhere on the 5.

President Rowdy Roddy Piper talks about how he lived in L.A. and promises stuff. Hey, I didn't see no stinking cage at WM XII. Liar.

Commercials.....

Tag Team Tournament Semi Finals
The Godwinns Vs The New Rockers

Henry delivers a pig to Vince who gives right to J.R. Mr. Perfect asks who the pig is. One of the Godwinns dogs takes a dump in the ring, sort of signalling the state the WWF would be in in 1996. Jannetty grabs the Ref and moves him next to the crap so he can start off on the other side. Heh. We start off with ARMBARS. Tag to Leif Cassidy (Al Snow), double arm ringers and double chop. Jannetty back in, headlock. Irish whips, JAnnetty ducks a clothesline, blind tag and the NEW Rockers miss a double clothesline, they try to punch Phineas on the apron and miss as well. Henry hits a clothesline on both guys instead. And we stall. Leif and Phineas, headlock, to the ropes, I SAW THIS ALREADY! Let me guess, blind tag? Yes. Let me guess, double dropkick? Yes. Leif dances. Wait, wait. You see, Leif Cassidy is Al Snow. He danced throughout ALL this gimmick with the New Rockers and he STILL didn't get over. Yet Too Cool does? And now Al wants Steve Blackman to dance to get over? Coincedence? No. Leif hits a crossbody off the top of Phineas, but he gets rolled over for a 3. (5:06) The Godwinns advance to the finals and will wrestle for the Tag Titles on the Free For All prior to WM XII

Last Monday Night on RAW.....

Diesel was on his way back to the locker room when a bell tolls and the lights go out. The lights go up and The Undertaker is in the ring. Here comes Diesel, but the lights to go out again. Diesel is in the ring, but the Undertaker is not. Oooh, the lights go out again. The Undertaker appears on the video wall. He says some stuff and man was he cool back then.

Commercials.....

We come back to see Goldust and Marlena watching a Bruce Lee movie to prepare for Hakushi.

The 1996 Slammy Awards are on March 30.....
Vote now!

Put a fork in him, he's done (Best finishing move)

The Nominee's:
Yokozuna's Banzai Drop, Diesel's Jacknife, Bret's Sharpshooter, Undertakers Tombstone and Ahmed's Pearl River Plunge. Bret took this one.

Master of Mat Mechanics

The Nominee's:
Shawn Michaels, British Bulldog, Bret Hart, Owen Hart and the 1-2-3 Kid. Shawn got this one.

WE WANT THE WARRIOR RODDY! BRING BACK THE WARRIOR! Okay, wait again. Those kids looked to be 6 or 7. This is 1996. The Warrior hadn't been around since 1992, but really hadn't been seen since 1991. That would make these little punks 1 or 2 years old at the time and yet they KNOW about the Warrior? Smart kids. I say, yeah, sure, BRING HIM BACK!

Commercials.......

Last Monday Night on RAW....

Bret and Shawn debate.....

They SEEM chummy....both guys look cool in their respective outfits. Shawn of course, a little more gay and stuff, but hey, Bret looks older. They talk about who's better which Vince, who is conducting the interview, just eats up. Then they talk about who is in better shape and Shawn pulls his tights down to show, a 6 pack? I guess. Bret says he's like the Energizer bunny as he just keeps going and going. Piper is out now and declares their match at WM XII a one hour Iron Man Match. That TOTALLY pissed me off at the time, because I just knew that would mean less matches on the card. All the matches on the card were pretty huge stuff, but still, come one, 6 matches?!?! It's WM , Vince you bastard!! Remember you had 14 matches at WM VII!

Back to the ring.... Goldust (with Marlena) Vs Hakushi

Marlena is Terri Runnels with a cigar. Sill hot looking. Goldust stand up to Hakushi and inhales, Hakushi tries a kick, but get's caught in a leg drag which Mr. Perfect calls. Goldust crawls around, licking his lips. Lockup, to the corner and GD shoves Hakushi off. He goes to inhale again, but Hakushi hits a chop to the throat. Now a dropkick. Bodyslam is followed by a second rope splash for two. GD rolls outside and Hakushi leaps over the top rope with a cross body. Back inside, whip to the ropes, ducks down and GD falls and hits an uppercut on Hakushi. GD with an irish whip and hits Hakushi with his ass. Oh, good.....

Commercials.....

We come back as Hakushi applies a sleeper. GD escapes. Hakushi with a kick, shop, kick. Whip to the buckles, handsrping elbow to a nice pop from the crowd. 1, 2, no. To the top rope and this takes foreveeeer and hits a flying tackle. Gets two. Hakushi misses a clothesline, kick to the back by GD, Curtain Call and 1, 2, 3. (5:03)

Commercials.....

Jake Roberts wrestles a Jobber here....they start with ARM BARS again. Short clothesline, DDT, bye. (1:23)

Before we go, let's go to LARRY FLING LIVE!

Oh man, I haven't seen these in a while. Funny stuff.

Huckster and Nacho Man, recenty injured by woman's shoe.

Watcha gonna do when The Huckster runs out on you?

Ooooh yeah!

Larry: "How's Liz?"

Huckster and Nacho "She's not too good" Why are you still wrestling?

Look at this body brother *I* *am* Immortal as he flexes to squeaky sound effects.

Billionaire Ted joins them and he says Jane is well. Huckster tries to get a chair, but Larry brings out a woman's shoe and Hogan get's scared. Who is going to win at WM XII?

Billionaire Ted promised me I would.

No way, brother. I've got to win that match for my Huckstermaniacs who buy my merchandise.
Wait a minute brother, the only reason they have your crap is because they hand it out for free brother. Those poor suckers are promised they'll be on TV brother. And that's the thruth, BROTHER.

Stop calling me your brother, brother.

Huckster grabs a chair and hits everybody, stage hands, producers. Larry holds up the woman's shoe to protect himself.....

and goodbye.

Good show, bringing back good memories. (?). I erased over my Superstars episodes from January and so on. So I may not have stuff leading up the WWF's 1996 February PPV which was a set up for WM XII. Spot Calling will be back in my next column. I promise. I also promise it will be in sooner. No more nonsense....so until then, thanks and hit the bricks.

Omar Padilla
freelance

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission