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Omar Padilla

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ONE SATURDAY MORNING

What can I say other than it's good to be heard again. I can't remember the last time anything I wrote was ever printed somewhere other than on my notebooks and crap. Anyhow, who cares.

My name is Omar Padilla and this is the first installment of what I hope will be a pretty damn catchy set of columns. I have been watching wrestling since 1985. I was only 5 at the time, but I remember everything I have seen. I HATE indenting by the way. The gist of this column, as I explained to CRZ himself, is to review an old episode of WWF Superstars. I wanted to start of with a bang, but I got lazy and popped in any tape into the VCR and got a 1995 episode. Here you go.

Aired on Saturday, August 12, 1995. Taped on July 25 if I'm not mistaken though. Syndication ruled in my opinion. Note: I haven't seen this in a while, so pardon my stupid remarks.

Old WWF logo pops up...."The World Wrestling Federation. For over fifty years, the revolutionary force in sports entertainment". Vince Russo was writing this crap?

Opening credits begin. Really fast, annoying screechy guitar nonsense. Flashing lights, clips. There's Vince putting on a headset, Bret, Luger, Dok Hendrix, Bam Bam, Kama, Bertha Faye, Shawn, Jean Pierre Lafitte, Billy Gunn (?), Yokozuna, Adam Bomb, Waylon Mercy (!), Man Moutain Rock (Ha, ha), Mabel, Razor, Undertaker, Fatu. Screw this.

The show opens with Hakushi in the ring. Sure sign this episode is gonna suck. This was also during the WWF's light show stage. So Hakushi has a big spotlight in the center of the ring and some japanese writing sorrounding him. Ugh. He's wrestling Aldo Montoya, The Portuguese Man of War (now Justin Credible). The crowd couldn't care less. No heat unless you count the canned one used here, and even then it's nothing. The chyron (CRZ) even has the weight and height of the wrestlers. I guess it helps them get over a little more easily.

Hakushi Vs Aldo Montoya

Hakushi attacks before the bell. Vince and dok Hendrix are hosting by the way. Yes, Vince is wearing his everyday powder blue suit here. Vince sells the "WWF's New Generation". Hakushi does this: Chop, chop, chop. To the corner, Montoya reverses and lands a couple of chops of his own. Note: This is before the chop=Whooo era. The first time I heard that was at Survivor Series 1996 at MSG. Hakushi block the next shot and hits a chop to the throat. SummerSlam 1995 is 2 weeks away at this time. Chinlock by Hakushi, Aldo breaks out. Off the ropes, kick by Hakushi and some more kicks take Aldo down. Whip to the ropes and Montoya with a SLOW headscissors. Hakushi to the oustside. Plancha over the top by Aldo. Back in the ring, whip to the ropes and a double chop to the chest. To the ropes again, flying clothesline gets two. Double Feature shows us the SLOW headscissors again. Aldo to the top tunrbuckle, flying bodypress for two again. Irish whip is reversed by Hakushi, Aldo goes over his shoulder, elbow by Hakushi and a back suplex for two. "WHAT A MANAUVER" says Vince. Montoya reverses a whip to the buckles and hits a bulldog off the second rope. He plays to the crowd of course. He then misses a "moonsault". Hakushi with a front suplex followed by a leap to the top rope and a flying headbutt, 1, 2, 3. All the kids at ringside count along with Earl Hebner. (4:00)

Oooh, Dean Douglas will be critiquing this match later.

Stridex presents the WWF SummerSlam Insider. Bigger is Better. I miss these reports during RAW and stuff. Good God, Todd Pettengill. "Hakushi is on his way to BIG things here in the WWF". Right. Anyway, some matches. Diesel Vs King Mable for the WWF Title. The story here is Diesel has admitted he cannot Jack Knife 500 pounds. HOW can he beat King Mable?!? Bret Hart Vs Issac Yankem D.D.S. How can Vince listen to this and NOT realize how stupid it is....

"The LEGENDARY Bret Hart will battle Jerry Lawler's DENTIST. The demented Isaac Yankem D.D.S."

Also announced, The Undertaker Vs. Kama. It's all coming back now. You see, when I watch stuff like this over again, all the storylines come to mind. I won't say anything though and watch in unfold before me all over again.

Commercials which I didn't tape....

Howard Finkel's voice is heard.... "From Hollywood, California. Weighing 260 pounds. Goldust." As golden glitter flies around spelling out the name Goldust. From this moment on , Goldust would become my second favorite wrestler behind Bret Hart.

Commercials.

We come back and review the heated rivalry between , Skip (Chris Candido) and Barry Horowitz (Barry Horowitz). On WWF Action Zone ( A VERY short lived, whatever it was) on July 9. Horowitz, the lifetime jobber, beat Skip. Giving Jim Ross his famous soundbite, "Horowitz wins, Horowitz wins." So, Last week on Superstars Skip challenged Horowitz to a 10 minute match. Meaning he would beat Barry in 10 minutes. If not, well, nothing. You see, Barry was a moron. I would have had Sunny (Tammy Lynn Sytch) on the line or something, but that's just me.

Skip Vs Barry Horowitz in a 10 minute challenge match

Skip and Sunny are known as the BodyDonnas. A pair of conceited excercise guru's. Sunny comes down the aisle with a microphone running down the crowd and Barry. At this point, I thought Sunny was hot. Soon, so would Vince and the whole Sunny craze would begin. Skip attacks Barry and suplexes him outside. Horowitz is injured. The bell never rang, so the match never started. Skip and Sunny celebrate by doing some jumping jacks in the ring and the match never happens. No contest. Vince: "Let's go to the classroom". Dok: "Ugh".

the report card......

Dean Douglas (Shane Douglas) is in a set made out to look like a classroom. Chalkboard, podium. He's watching a tape of the match earlier between Montoya and Hakushi. His gimmick was giving the face wrestlers grades. Cuz he's a teacher you know. Of course they were all bad grades. He defines Man of War for us. "A creature dutifully ready for battle". He then points out how Hakushi attacked before the bell, catching Aldo off gaurd.

"Aldo Montoya, the Portuguese Man of War. Why this charleton is so ashamed of his performance here in the World Wrestling Federation that he wears a mask to cover his face. Therefore, the Dean of the World Wrestling Federation gives Aldo Montoya the grade of A. No, make that a double A. For Absolutely Abonimable. Class Dismissed".

He then scratches the chalkboard with his fingernails. Screeeeach. Man, you can just feel the heel heat no??!

After the break, Vince announces the match between Skip and Barry Horowitz WILL happen. Then Dok says how it is impossible to get Vince ready for the show in under 10 minutes..."He's really 85 years old....you gotta put all this makeup on....a ton of glue to keep that tupee on" Man, Mr. McMahon would have fired and kicked his ass by now.

Adam Bomb Vs Nick Barberri

Typical jobber match. Adam Bomb (Wrath) gets a nice little ovation. You can see people clapping at least. Bomb with a flying bodypress to the outside. Back in the ring, snapmare and a chinlock. Side slam and some punching. Bomb hits a clothesline off the top rope. Tim White counts 1, 2, 3. (2:23) Wait 4 more years and you can dance with ho's Timmy.

McMahon was talking about a Hunter Hearst Helmsley match that I must not have recorded. Which is a good thing. I remember not having recorded the match because I thought Helmsley sucked back then. Which he did. Meanwhile, Bob Backlund is campaigning out in the crowd.

Pomotional consideration paid for by the follow.....errr, didnt tape that either.

RAW Clips: Diesel defeats Mo of Men on a Mission. King Mable attacks Big Diesel and Shawn makes the save. Dropkick to the outside and Male catches him on a plancha attempt. Back to the ringpost. Jerry Lawler mocks Shawn. They're gonna wrestle NEXT WEEK ON RAW!

Barry Dadinsky is back to sell us some crap. He's in the WWF cafeteria. I still have no idea who this guy was, but every week, he would show up with some merchandise to sell. This week, Pogs. Remember those? Some two girlies are playing with them. $19.99 for the uncut sheet plus, an 18 karat gold slammer. Apparently he's the Monty Hall of the WWF, so if you order now you will get a FREE 3 month subscription to WWF magazine. DAMN, I wished I had money every week. I NEVER ordered off this goof, but what a deal eh? 1-800-Titan-91. YOU call and tell me how it goes.

Back to the arena for....

Skip Vs Barry Horowitz in a 10 minute challenge match

I guess they were trying to push Barry. I mean, this whole damn episode is revolved around him. These two put on a good match and if you don't know who wins this, just by the stupid gimmick of the match, well you haven't been watching long. Nice series of pin reversals from both guys, but the crowd still doesn't care. I bet half of these are comps or something. The arena is smaller than the places where WCW runs Thunder these days. Hardly any lighting either.

4 minute mark and Skip slaps on a boston crab. Barry won't quit. Sunny screams like a loon. Some more work on the back by Skip. 6 minutes and Barry on the offense. Some European uppercuts, dropkick and a bodyslam for two. 7 minutes and Skip hits a powerbomb, 2. Sunny is sure bending over a lot. Skip with the 3rd or 4th chinlock of the show. They brawl outside for a bit. Under a minute and it's getting closer to a win for Barry. Crowd comes alive. Countdown begins at 30. We get a clock too. Skip with a powerslam, 1, 2. ALMOST GOT EM says Vince. At about 15 seconds, Barry gets a small package and only gets two. Skip realizes it's over and just flops to the mat and Barry wins. (10:03) He rolls out of the ring and back to the locker room.

McMahon and Dok preview RAW. Shawn Vs Lawler and Dok Runs down Vince again. Vince sells it like he's Michael Cole and Dok Hendrix is The Rock. End of show.

Well, that's why the WWF really stunk in 1995. I mean a show on Barry Horowitz. A teacher and excercise freaks as gimmicks. Not to mention the dentist. All the RAW booking was for the Kliq. While the Undertaker and Bret got to fued with bums, Luger got stuck in tag team, and the Kliq got to fued with each other.

Thank goodness for Goldust.

See ya next time......

Omar Padilla
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