**WARNING! Mr. James Ross has not been very kind to us spoofsters this week, and so I apologise in advance if this column sucks the big one. Damn you, JR. Damn your soul.**

Coming at ya liiiiiive from Atlanta, greetings from under the white Resitol hat. I thought I'd go for a different look this week. Some news and opinion from WCW, because God knows that all you WWF fans wanna hear about THAT.

It's been a busy week, with approximately three hundred meetings being called in four hours here in Atlanta, as we begin to assemble our staff for WCW-or as it could be renamed, Good Ol' Time Championship Wrestling. I'd definitely term these meetings as very positive, as us WWF folks shared out some hard drugs among the WCW talent and we all had a real fine time. The re-launch is tentatively scheduled for June, but this is not yet finalised. We're trying to work it around my fishing schedule, which ain't easy. Tapings are now set for Wednesdays, giving all the internet folk the chance to ruin any surprises, and the broadcasts should take place sometime on Saturday, possibly on a national channel rather than Memphis TV, as originally planned. We've told the talent to try and get some indy bookings before we completely wreck their careers. We really want to put together a crappy, indyish staff together, and we'll probably add some bulging, roided-up faces to the existing roster of 24. Billy Gunn, I'm talking to YOU.

There is a possibility that some former WCW stars will be joining the new roster, however we're having problems finding someone to fit into the Yeti costume. Prince Iaukea has also been making some very unreasonable demands, and while we want such a legend on our team we cannot bow to such demands. I am not sure who will finally make the roster, and neither do I care, quite frankly.

Obviously the new WCW TV will suck copious amounts of dick when it starts, but it should improve as the years go by. Bottom line is, if we make the right choices in terms of cheap talent and goofy ring attire, then Jason Jett can be a star. I am very excited, moreso than when we first purchased the company, and Mrs. Ross has benefiting all week from my sudden rush of energy. The bitter taste of all those DIRTY DIRTY BASTARDS treating me like crap has subsided somewhat, now that I can fire said dirty dirty bastards at will.

The Backlash card is starting to come together. Undertaker and Kane against The Improbably Tag Team is a certainty, unfortunately-look for some sort of "Exploding Debra" stipulation to be added at Monday's RAW. The Ultimate Submission match with Benoit Vs. Angle could be extraordinary, but the Ultimate Warrior's return partway through could dampen the fire somewhat. Chris Jericho Vs. William Regal will have some strange, probably really stupid stipulations involving goat-herding and handstands. No doubt, Shane McMahon Vs. The Big Show will offer many opportunities for Rick Scaia to make up wild and ridiculous WCW invasion theories, as well as humiliating Show even further by jobbing him to a non-wrestler. The show has a fighting chance to be entertaining, but when you've got Kane in the main event, you've already got two strikes against it. This one could surprise us, especially if someone gets nekkid.

Forget I said that last part. Sorry, folks, it's been a long, horny week for yours truly.

Never a dull moment this week-after rescuing our office staff from German terrorists, I saved a New York airport from some nasty guerrillas and solved a complex bomber's puzzle in LA. Life never stops for me, especially when I've just bought the Die Hard Trilogy on DVD.

I hope the Million Dollar Game for the XFL does well in the ratings. Ted DiBiase should put in an appearance, and I assure you all the guys flying to the ball as if it's some sort of giant magnet. Which it will be. We always try to innovate here at Titan Sports.

Here's the May 5th Insurrextion card for London, which may change if we feel like it:

Federation Championship Steve Austin Vs. Vinnie Jones

Intercontinental Championship-Mask Vs. Nose Triple H Vs. Kane

Queen's Muff Chris Benoit Vs. William Regal

Four Team X-Factor Push Match X-Factor Vs. Three Other Teams

Smirking Contest Chris Jericho Vs. Kurt Angle

Total Humiliation Match Bradshaw Vs. Big Show

Battle Royal To Determine Chyna's Bitch Lita vs. Trish vs. Ivory vs. Jackie vs. Molly

Obligatory Title Change Test Vs. Eddie Guerrero

Midget Match Crash Vs. Dean Malenko Vs. Spike

Time Waster Grandmaster Sexay Vs. Rhyno

Battle Of The Bleach Hardcore Holly Vs. Perry Saturn

The exuberant UK crowd should make this card seem a hundred times better, making it look almost as good as an ECW card.

This has been a great week for yours truly because I have seen the passion in the eyes of a young indy worker bending down and-Sorry, sidetracked again. Damn.

Maybe I'll write something worthwhile next week...

JR

Old School
EZ Board Resident