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THE REAL ROSS REPORT
Boasting, gloating and bitching from under the Black Resistol Hat!

Good Ol' JR can be found deep in the heart o' Texas for the report this week, folks! I'm right here in Houston city, gettin' ready for this week's show. The whole city seems to be buzzing with excitement, and WrestleMania could well be the cause of that. There are several contests that have a legitimate chance of actually being good, and if we can work Billy Gunn onto the card at the last minute, then the action should get even better. I am firmly convinced that I can make this show the best in the world, with support from the WWF superstars. Will all the hype be justified? Eh, probably not. But we'll give it a go, I suppose.

The Rock Vs. Steve Austin has all the makings of a very entertaining title squash, considering that the outcome is a foregone conclusion. You don't get away with giving a guy his own finisher these days, folks. It just ain't right.

My gut tells me Triple H Vs. Undertaker will deliver. My gut also tells me I want some peanuts, but I'll ignore that for now.

I don't know how the guys in the TLC II match plan to top last year's efforts, but by God they'll try. My biggest concern is injuries. Calling a match like this one can put a tremendous strain on yours truly's jaw and/or gesturing arm.

There's no reason why Chris Benoit Vs. Kurt Angle should not be an excellent match. Except for the lack of buildup. And possible moronic booking. And the position of the match on the card. But it should be very solid otherwise.

Lotsa metaphors going into the McMahon streetfight, and while the sizzle of the buildup is good, the proof of the broth is in the eating. Or something. The WCW issue adds drama here. too. Could Ted Turner put in an appearance? Keep your eyes open, folks.

Chris Jericho Vs. William Regal could be okay, I guess. Regal has been very consistent in his ass-kissing and Y2J is a main-eventer in waiting. He has, of course, been that way for over a year now, but I'm pretty sure his time will come. Possibly next year.

The Hardcore Triple Threat match probably will not go too long but should be entertaining with all the "toys" at their disposal. Kane will go over here. Ahhhhhh shit.

Regarding Test Vs. Eddie Guerrero, Guerrero has been waiting for an opportunity to job to a Diesel impersonator for years. Test is beginning to evolve, possibly into some sort of half-man, half-monkey creature. Their issue is not white-hot, but neither was T&A Vs. Head Cheese form last year's show. And that sucked.

Chyna Vs. Ivory has the potential to be very entertaining, if both participants explode and shower the front row with innards. Otherwise it will suck.

The six-man tag team match should be OK and entertaining. Or to put it another way, it should be god-damn awful.

Damn all these rumours! The Gimmick Battle Royal is strictly for comic relief, not to bring back any big names! Look for Shawn Michaels to win this thing. Ah crap, I did it again!

Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan will be at AXXESS tis weekend, looking to get Just Joe's autograph, I guess. No word on whether these two will be drunk off their asses or not. Never say never in this business, though.

Rikishi will not be at AXXESS or WrestleMania, meaning the big fatty has broken all of my promises about having all the WWF superstars putting in an appearance. Damn him. Damn his soul.

Bob "Egg Man" Holly will be back in action at AXXESS over the next few days. His big autograph-signing steel forearm is ready to go, even if his damn problem-causing back isn't.

The promotional event Thursday at Fort Hood military base was great. Some of the superstars got to play with guns and drive tanks...SImply awesome.

I can't tell you how great AXXESS looks! You know why? Because IT DOESN'T!

There is so much speculation over what's going to happen to WCW next. The first TV taping tentatively scheduled for May 9, 2002 in Boston, although that could be shifted to a later date if necessary. NO list of names has been set for this event, but expect none of the politicking, stupid, fat untalented idiots who have stunk up the business to be there. Except Hulk Hogan, of course. The federation's TV shows and the WCW TV shows will obviously be kept separate, so as not to sully RAW or SmackDown! with their crap. The initial talent roster will be finalised over the next few days, and we'll probably throw in some jobbers from our side over the next few weeks. Some interpromotional stuff could take place, but not anytime soon, and not until the WWF stops making money in any way possible. TV is scheduled, again TENTATIVELY, for 3am to 5am on the morning of May 13th. A high-profile, demanding timeslot, to be sure. There is a lot of work to do, but one day, WCW will make it to being a watered down WWF clone. One day. It will happen.

Ahahaha! I was the last announcer to be heard live on Nitro! In your face, Schiavone! Actually, it was Paul Heyman, but I don't count him as an announcer. More of a sidebar for my talents.

I'm flying to Birmingham for the XFL early Saturday to try and make it seem like a watchable product, then it's off to do the same come WrestleMania on Sunday night! Why won't you let me rest, Vince?

Take care, and please, try and enjoy WrestleMania. Our jobs depend on it.

JR

Old School
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