Random thoughts from under the black lacy bra from an Okie who's busier than a red-headed stepchild! Call me a shill, but...I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.

Very solid week of WWF television this week in Los Angeles and Anaheim respectively. Crash and Scott Andrews put on a thrilling match, as did KaiEnTai, for the Metal tapings, and Haku looks to be ready to move up after carrying Chris Benoit on this week's Heat. There was some good stuff on RAW and SmackDown too.

AXXESS, the WrestleMania Weekend Fan Festival, sucks. WrestleMania sucks. Pro wrestling sucks. Quote me.

Bob "SuperMan" Holly's C5 and C6 discs have really improved, and are currently negotiating a new contract as we speak. Look for these hard-working body parts to move into a feud with Kane's right fibula.

Rikishi's busted eardrum was healing, but I jabbed a pencil in it to make it worse. After this additional setback, the big man could be out until after WrestleMania. Hopefully longer.

Steve Austin's appearance on "The Tonight Show" was excellent, except for the parts with that big-chinned idiot Jay Leno. Could Steve be lined up for his own late night talk show? From where I sit, the chances are good. I was disappointed that Austin didn't wear one of his hot new shirts-I was thinking that the new "Bigger Than Jesus" shirt would've gone down super.

Chyna will be turning red-blooded heterosexual males queer in Montreal and Toronto this week promoting her new book. Could it become a made for TV movie? I sure hope not!

Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit Monday on RAW were simply awesome. Were I to create a midget division tomorrow, these two would be at the top of the list for talent.

Kurt Angle looked great this week while being carried to good outings against the Rock and Steve Austin. He's the most talented jobber I've seen in this business.

Mick Foley is dead. Or possibly shooting a new Chef Boyardee commercial next week. I'm not sure which.

William Regal will be flown out to Australia after next week's TV to do promotional work for the WWF. Regal will be under strict instructions to go to the toilet BEFORE boarding the plane.

That Steve Black Man has some real rhythm going for him. A bright career is ahead of this future backup dancer.

Scotty Too Hotty is still out after carrying Brian Christopher for two years.

K-Kwik will be healed after a couple of weeks, meaning he will miss out on the annual backstage Boggle tournament. This is sad news-the charismatic young man was number one seed. Always next year, I guess.

"Stone Cold" Dave Taylor will not be involved with Tough Enough but could get involved in some sort of gay marriage angle with Commissioner Regal over the next few weeks

Al Snow, Jacqueline, Tazz and Tori are all getting good marks thus far with their efforts on "Tough Enough." Bets are already being taken on who will sleep with whom first. This Okie's money is on Jackie and Tori.

I like the potential of X-Pac, Justin Credible and Albert as a team. Keeping all the stupid sucky assholes in one place is a darn good move, in my humble opinion.

The Undertaker-Triple H situation is really working well on the pointless time-wasting level, and provided us with some totally unbelievable TV this week. If the match does indeed happen at WrestleMania, expect Undertaker to die and be reborn, and Triple H to get thrown off of a forklift, then both to return the next night as tag team partners.

Last Saturday morning, while in Memphis, I took in some MCW and PPW TV, and there is some great developmental talents coming along down their. Former WWF Hardcore Champions the Mean Street Posse are all looking pretty god, meaning a return to Metal is imminent. There were some good guys who's names I can't quite remember, who have great futures ahead of them in the food preparation or mobile transport professions. One reminds me of a young John Tenta, one of the agile big men ever.

Charlie and Russ Haas continue to improve, but will not get anywhere with crappy names like that. May I suggest "the Boner Brothers" as a suitable replacement?

Raven may be positioned as a fan favourite, possibly by leaving the company altogether. The young man needs more mic time, but that's hard to come by when I'm screaming "STONE COLD STEVE BY GOD AUSTIN" every five minutes. But hey, who's the guy with the talent here?

Big Show and Kane may collide at this year's WrestleMania, which could hurt as both are big guys. Show better get ready for the Big Red American Starfish, who will no doubt be hampered my meddlesome baseball players once more.

I would like to see more of the Hardy Boyz/Lita storyline. These three are all future big-time players, as single stars, in the Federation. Maybe not next week, but sometime in the future the most exciting, offensive tag team in the business will produce three main event singles competitors. Lita, in particular, could be holding world heavyweight gold by the end of the year.

Edge almost scored 100% on his "Lower Back" test this week, meaning he should be allowed back in the country for Monday's RAW.

Okay, I'll admit it for you guys; we are a bunch of hypocritical bastards, and the XFL does suck. But WE'RE the ones with big fat six figure contracts and their own internet columns, not you, so kiss my ass.

It amazes me to read on the Internet how people perceive my relationship with Paul Heyman. No one has interviewed me about it but here's the story. I like Paul. I like working with Paul. I respect Paul's passion and intelligence. I like his cute little smile. I like the feel of his masculine hands on my buttocks. I like Paul, and I intend for our time together to be as fruitful as possible. Hopefully our fledgling drugs empire will take off as well.

Nothing to report on the Jerry Lawler situation. We're still assholes and he's still fired.

The Federation cookbook, "Can You Take The Heat?" is still very popular. Basted with pepper sauce and lightly fried, it makes for good eatin'.

Look for a Vince MacMahon/Bob Costas semi main event come WrestleMania time. Some sort of gimmick may be added-Loser Leaves TV, perhaps? Should be interesting, in a having-your-toenails-removed kinda way...

It's been a challenging week

It's been a challenging week for yours truly, especially when you read where you were "one of the XFL's biggest mistakes.

" Or "World Wrestling Federation announcers should not have been added to the XFL's broadcast team." The thing is this: those statements certainly sting a little but they damned sure don't kill you! I have been criticized my entire adult life, often times by family, for being in the "wrestling business," and I'm still here some 20-plus years later! Words only destroy you if you allow it. I'm proud as hell to be "in the business." So, my focus is to do my job(s) to the best of my abilities and to improve with every opportunity. It's that simple. The Federation has been and always will be my top professional priority and I truly believe my best broadcasts are still to come. As for the XFL, I still thoroughly believe in the concept and love being a part of it and getting to know these passionate players and coaches. And although my tenure in the XFL may be shortlived, at least I don't parade my bizarre sexual fantasies in front of millions of viewers. I save that for this column.

Hey, Vince, fuck you.

JR

Old School
EZboard resident