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SCREW YOU BISCHOFF Goddamn power company!!!!! I was about a third of
the way
through this week's report when there was a fucking power spike and my
computer
reset, erasing the report. So that's why this column is
late.
This week I got 5 letters in The Inbox
(US Postal Service..... what's that?????). While I
appreciate all
the positive feedback and ego stroking, I'm only going to post those
letters
with questions or good points. Therefore.....
Letter #1 -
I like your articles but one thing, Chad Brock is
a
country singer that is getting a little more popular...more of a rising
talent.
I think more of the reason he's
gonna be on WCW
is that
he used to wrestle until he had an injury. I heard him do an interview
once and
I believe he did wrestle for WCW but never made any
kind of impact
and
whatever injury he had, it had him rehabbing for around 9 months.
Later.
- Josh
Well its good to hear
that at least
Chad Brock is an established country singer. But the part about him
working for
the WCW really shouldn't make a difference,
unless his
"concert"
leads into him returning to the ring, and not in the same show. The
10-15
minutes that he'll be on stage will do nothing but kill the ratings,
and
if this is Bischoff's way of making it up to Brock because he got
injured in the
ring, it is a real bad idea. If WCW wants to repay Brock either: 1. Give
him
some money or 2. Have him some to the ring as a
special
manager with a group like the West Texas Rednecks. This singing deal
will do
more harm than good.
Thanks for reading.
Letter #2 -
Is the Dudleytown that you referred to in your
last Screw
Bischov report THE actual Connecticut
Dudleytown?
If so, stay away from that place! It is the mecca
of
all that is evil and unholy. Like The Undertaker. Oh ya, nice
column too.
- SrAmn Chuck
Actually the place I
refer to in the
column is Dudleyville, that is where ECW's (and apparently soon to be
WWF)
Dudley Boys are announced as hailing from.
So it was just
a little
jab at the Dudleys. But, thanks for the advice, I will make sure to stay
away
from Dudleytown, Conn. Thanks for reading.
Now for what you have all been waiting for..... no
not naked
pictures of Gorgeous George........ nope not Tammy Sytch either.......
Droz?!?!?! What the hell is wrong with you... you sick
freak. This
week's column will deal with the clusterfuck that is the title situation
in
WCW.
Tag Team Champions: The Triad
- This is the one title that I don't have trouble
with.
Currently the Triad is wrestling some above average matches and is
making things
interesting in WCW. Bam Bam Bigelow is probably the weakest of the
three
wrestling wise right now, and that's not bad. While BBB has had
some good
matches recently, he has also mailed some in, doing nothing more than
going
through the motions. DDP is currently wrestling some of the best
matches
of his career, incorporating some power moves into his matches.
His match
against Benoit on Nitro was the high point in an otherwise horrific
show. And Kanyon is top wrestler of the group right now. He
is a big
guy who has put some pretty sweet finesse moves (i.e. Russian Legsweep
from the
second turnbuckle on Thunder) into his matches. So while the
wrestling in
this group is surprisingly positive, the gimmick angle is not only not
working,
it defies common sense. The whole three man alternating
team has been
around for a while. In 1980 Gordy, Hayes, and Roberts made up
The
Freebirds who were tag champs of Georgia Championship Wrestling
were
allowed to use any combination of two to defend the titles. In
1985
in a branch of the NWA (can't remember which) when the team of Ivan
Koloff,
Nikita Koloff, and Krusher Khrushchev were allowed to defend the titles
using
any combination they wanted. I think that Demolition in WWF
also had
this three way thing, and there were probably many others I can't think
of. But there was never a decent and consistent explanation of why
this
built in advantage was legal. In case you were flipping to RAW and
missed
the explanation, it seems that "president" Ric Flair agreed to let the
Triad
wrestle as a three man team, as long as they helped out Flair against
someone (I
can't remember). Of course this was explained only once, thereby
leaving
many people wondering why the Triad got the built in advantage.
Many
people (read: WCW marks) sitting near me at Bash at the Beach wondered
allowed
why the Triad got to use three wrestlers and everyone else only got to
use
two. WCW.... we keep our fans guessing as to what the fuck is
going
on! Anyways, since Flair was the one who allowed the Triad to
wrestle as a
three man team, it would only make sense that new "president" Sting
would
reverse this evil decision...boo Flair! But since it is WCW, the
Triad
still stands *sigh*.
The Tag Team Division is looking pretty weak right
now.
Aside from any combination of Shane Douglas's group and the newly
reformed
Harlem Heat, there are not very many legitimate contenders for the
belts.
With "The Revolution" headed to the top to bury Flair as soon as he
walks
through the customs gate at the airport, it looks like either the Triad
or
Harlem Heat v2.0 will be carrying the belts for a long
time.
Cruiserweight Champion: Rey
Misterio Jr.
- Rey was one of the top wrestlers in WCW, until Superbrawl
IX. It
was here that Bischoff decided to take Rey's mask off in order to make
him more
"hip" for the crowd. Which was great, because its not like anyone
watches
wrestling for....WRESTLING. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Bring out the
music
videos, bring out Master P, you mean I get to watch a
birthday party for
the relative of some crappy rapper.... were do I sign up!
Seriously
though, it seems that the Cruiserweight title has become more of an
afterthought
for Misterio. When was the last time that he actually defended
it?
The guys at DDT Digest say that Rey's match against Vampiro on the July
26
Nitro, but that really makes no sense. For us to believe that
it was
a title match, we (the morons who actually try and put together WCW
storylines for them) would have to believe that Vampiro is an
ABSOLUTE
FUCKING IDIOT! If you think about it Vampiro had just delivered a
massive
top rope powerbomb and all he had to do was cover Rey for the
title. But
what does he do, he calls in the ICP to stomp the crap out of
Mini-Konnan.
Does Bischoff really think that the viewer is so fucking stupid to
believe
that anyone would stomp a.... what do you call it??? )A mudhole,
Undertaker... try to read the script ahead of time) rather than capture
a
title. Fuck you Bischoff!!!!
The Cruiserweight Division is where WCW should start
to try
and win back the ratings war, it's the only thing that WCW has over the
WWF
right now. The cruiserweight division is riddled with tons of
extremely
talent workers and not just Rey, Juvi, and Kidman. Guys
like Chavo,
Psychosis, and many others. This is the one belt in WCW that should be
used to
get a guy over. Bischoff should allow for one 12-15
minute
cruiserweight title match on each Nitro and another shorter
cruiserweight match
in order to set up the storylines. Also, there should be
at least one CW match on each Thunder, to again build up the
stories.
By doing this, I believe that WCW could begin to cut into the WWF
dominance.
TV Champion: Rick Steiner
- Steiner
is the most pathetic thing in WCW today, and that includes David
Flair.
Steiner used to be able to deliver a solid match, but he has always been
much
more effective in Tag Team matches with his brother. Back in the
NWA and
WWF the Steiner Brothers were an amazing tag team that was both over
with the
fans and wrestling good matches. The problem has always been that
Rick has
the personality of Flair Jr. and the mic skills of Benoit, the only
thing he
could do outside of wrestling to get himself over was to crawl like a
dog and
bark. So course Bischoff took that away from him with the
heel
turn.... Fuck you Bischoff!!! It is appalling what Bischoff has
done to
these guys. Scott is a roided up freak who gets over as a heel by
throwing
women out of cars and stealing lines from rap songs. Does
Scott
think I'm deaf, of course I can hear him. Rick has
degenerated into
something that is really indescribable. He is currently the third
wheel on
Nash's heel stable, though he did give Goldberg that nasty looking bump
on his
skull. His gimmick is non-existent, all he does is get on the mike
and
tell the fans to "Bite me". Are those monopoly pieces on his
shoulders? His shittyness was highlighted by that "match" at Bash
at the
Beach. How much did that DDT on the outside miss by???? 6-10
inches?
The TV Division is basically ever one who is not in
a serious
angle right now. Like the Cruiserweight belt, this title should be
defended every week on Nitro, and on a majority of
Thunder
and Saturday Night. I mean hell its called the TV
title!!! What the
fuck does Bischoff thinks the TV stands for....... shit! I can't think
of
anything funny! How the fuck is Chase Tatum the #1 contender for the
title? Every single wrestler in WCW should be higher on the TV
Title totem
pole that Tatum. Giving Malenko this title would help elevate "The
Revolution" and make them a legitimate stable.
United States Champion: David
Flair
- Flair is probably the most hated wrestler among the internet
fans,
which is pretty impressive considering Konnan is still
wrestling. Everyone knows that David was awarded
the title
by his father when he was president. Which is pretty
funny,
considering that most people know that for years presidents and
promoters have been pushing their kids into big matches that they
had no
business being in. Perhaps the biggest example in WCW is
Erik Watts
pushed into the spotlight by big daddy Bill Watts. On
a side
note, why wasn't Erik fired the same day as Bill got the ax?
So while
the father pushing the son angle is nice the problem is that again
Bischoff
assumes that the fans have the memory span of two
weeks. I challenge Bischoff to explain why Ric would
want to
push his son after his son: Stunned him with the tazer leading to
a defeat against Hogan, what about the time when David
signed Ric
into the mental home???? And while this gimmick is
interesting and
humorous, it can't make up for the absolute shit that Davey calls
wrestling. The more I think about it, the more I think that Flair
can't be
this bad of an wrestler. Perhaps there is a much more cerebral
part to
this angle that no one is understanding. Maybe Baby Flair wrestles
so
poorly to emphasize what crap can be pushed to the top by having friends
in high
places. Or perhaps WCW is just drawing us all in to believing that
David
sucks, then one match he is going to bust out Benoit-like skill.
But this
is WCW so someone probably thought this up in a booking meeting when
everyone
was high off that wacky weed that Hogan says is all over the locker
rooms.
Before I get to what should happen with the US Title, there is one more
interesting way that this David Flair thing could go. It would be
interesting to see Flair take over the same role
that Intercontinental
Champ The Honky Tonk Man had from 1986(?)- Summerslam 88(?) For
those of
you who don't remember, HTM held the title for like 18 months despite
having
NO in-ring skill whatsoever. He would
always find
some way to eek out a victory, by some underhanded heel tactic.
Crowds
hated him, and came to each show hoping not only to see him lose,
but to
see him killed. Then at Summerslam, Ultimate Warrior came out
and
squashed him in about 30 seconds, bringing to an end to one of the
best
angles ever and getting the Warrior over HUGE. WCW could do this
type of
angle to introduce a new wrestler, or better yet have Hart take it when
he comes
back.
The US Division should be the strongest wrestling
division in
WCW. Everyone knows that the World Title is going to be tied up
with guys
like Hogan/Sting/Nash/Goldberg/Sid and maybe a few others, but none of
the top
actual wrestlers in WCW. Therefore this should be the smarks
title, the
guys who deliver the best workrate matches. The obviously top
choice is
Internet demi-god Chris Benoit, and that works for me. Other
choices are
guys like Eddy, who is getting massive heat, or Hart when he comes
back. By giving the internet fan a good US Title division it
might
start to turn around the direction WCW is going.
World Heavyweight Champion:
Hollywood
Hogan - Of all the problems that riddle WCW now, Hogan being the
champion
is the biggest one. Now I can understand why Bischoff doesn't
listen to
the internet fans and give the World Title to Benoit, Malenko, or high
workrate
guys like them. The fact of the matter is that those guys have
poor mic
skills, and while I would love to see Benoit drop Hogan on the back of
his head
with a Dragon Suplex, a large majority of the fanbase won't react to a
guy who
can't work the mic. But having Hogan with the strap is criminal,
does
anyone remember the last time he wrestled a good match and didn't have
to have
his ass carried? Hell if with his ass carried! What the hell
is with
the Kevina jokes??!?!?!! If Bischoff wants to have
a face hold the title, then put it around the waste of
Sting or
Goldberg. Both are way more over (note reactions on Nitro)
with both regular and internet fans, and can actually
wrestle... well
Sting can. There aren't really any heels who deserve to hold the
top title
in WCW. Steiner has been discussed above. Nash is trying to
be cool
and do interviews without rehearsing it, and is failing miserably.
Not to
mention his shit wrestling. Maybe Sid will work (when does
softball
start?), or maybe Hall when he comes back (I wonder how the belt will
look in a
mugshot?).
The World Division should showcase the top stars of
WCW and
not just those in with Bischoff. Guys like Benoit, Malenko, Hart,
and
other uber-workers should be in this division and switching the
title
around, but that will take too long to setup. The guy who
makes the
most sense considering the current storylines and all around
wrestler
abilities (workrate and mic) is....... do I even need to say
it, of
course Ric Flair. But Bischoff will never do it because he has
something
(please someone explain this to me!) against Flair. So FUCK YOU
BISCHOFF!!!!!
Before I end I have two off the subject questions
for the
millions..... AND MILLIONS of readers:
First, does any know of anywhere in South Florida
where I can
rent old wrestling tapes? Especially, NWA stuff from the
late 80's
and early 90's. My local Blockbuster blows in a Lenny/Lodi way and
internet will take to long
Second, as I said in my first report I'm going to
college this
fall in Washington DC. If anyone lives in DC, could you please
clue me in
on the wrestling situation there. Like what station ECW syndicated
is on,
and what the Indy scene is like.
On a final note: For those of you in high school,
cut your
teachers some slack and don't treat them like shit. I know this
may sounds
strange, but teachers are people, and are usually willing to help out
their
students anyway possible.
Wishing Nash would have powerbombed Bischoff through
the table
and then powerbombed Hogan on top of him
freelance Mail the Author |
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