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Nick A.

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SCREW YOU BISCHOFF

Goddamn power company!!!!! I was about a third of the way through this week's report when there was a fucking power spike and my computer reset, erasing the report.  So that's why this column is late. 
 
This week I got 5 letters in The Inbox (US Postal Service..... what's that?????).  While I appreciate all the positive feedback and ego stroking, I'm only going to post those letters with questions or good points.  Therefore.....
 
Letter #1 -
                I like your articles but one thing, Chad Brock is a country singer that is getting a little more popular...more of a rising talent. I think more of the reason he's                     gonna be on WCW is that he used to wrestle until he had an injury. I heard him do an interview once and I believe he did wrestle for WCW but never made any                 kind of impact and whatever injury he had, it had him rehabbing for around 9 months. Later.
                                                                                                                                - Josh
 
                 Well its good to hear that at least Chad Brock is an established country singer. But the part about him working for the WCW really shouldn't make a difference,                 unless his "concert" leads into him returning to the ring, and not in the same show. The 10-15 minutes that he'll be on stage will do nothing but kill the ratings,                 and if this is Bischoff's way of making it up to Brock because he got injured in the ring, it is a real bad idea. If WCW wants to repay Brock either: 1. Give him                     some money or 2. Have him some to the ring as a special manager with a group like the West Texas Rednecks. This singing deal will do more harm than good.                 Thanks for reading.
 
Letter #2 -
                Is the Dudleytown that you referred to in your last Screw Bischov report THE actual Connecticut Dudleytown? If so, stay away from that place! It is the mecca                 of all that is evil and unholy. Like The Undertaker. Oh ya, nice column too.
                                                                                                                                - SrAmn Chuck
 
                 Actually the place I refer to in the column is Dudleyville, that is where ECW's (and apparently soon to be WWF) Dudley Boys are announced as hailing from.                    So it was just a little jab at the Dudleys. But, thanks for the advice, I will make sure to stay away from Dudleytown, Conn. Thanks for reading.
 
 
 
Now for what you have all been waiting for..... no not naked pictures of Gorgeous George........ nope not Tammy Sytch either....... Droz?!?!?!  What the hell is wrong with you... you sick freak.  This week's column will deal with the clusterfuck that is the title situation in WCW.
 
Tag Team Champions: The Triad - This is the one title that I don't have trouble with.  Currently the Triad is wrestling some above average matches and is making things interesting in WCW.  Bam Bam Bigelow is probably the weakest of the three wrestling wise right now, and that's not bad.  While BBB has had some good matches recently, he has also mailed some in, doing nothing more than going through the motions.  DDP is currently wrestling some of the best matches of his career, incorporating some power moves into his matches.  His match against Benoit on Nitro was the high point in an otherwise horrific show.  And Kanyon is top wrestler of the group right now.  He is a big guy who has put some pretty sweet finesse moves (i.e. Russian Legsweep from the second turnbuckle on Thunder) into his matches.  So while the wrestling in this group is surprisingly positive, the gimmick angle is not only not working, it defies common sense.  The whole three man alternating team has been around for a while.  In 1980 Gordy, Hayes, and Roberts made up The Freebirds who were tag champs of Georgia Championship Wrestling were allowed to use any combination of two to defend the titles.  In 1985 in a branch of the NWA (can't remember which) when the team of Ivan Koloff, Nikita Koloff, and Krusher Khrushchev were allowed to defend the titles using any combination they wanted.  I think that Demolition in WWF also had this three way thing, and there were probably many others I can't think of.  But there was never a decent and consistent explanation of why this built in advantage was legal.  In case you were flipping to RAW and missed the explanation, it seems that "president" Ric Flair agreed to let the Triad wrestle as a three man team, as long as they helped out Flair against someone (I can't remember).  Of course this was explained only once, thereby leaving many people wondering why the Triad got the built in advantage.  Many people (read: WCW marks) sitting near me at Bash at the Beach wondered allowed why the Triad got to use three wrestlers and everyone else only got to use two.  WCW.... we keep our fans guessing as to what the fuck is going on!  Anyways, since Flair was the one who allowed the Triad to wrestle as a three man team, it would only make sense that new "president" Sting would reverse this evil decision...boo Flair!  But since it is WCW, the Triad still stands *sigh*. 
 
The Tag Team Division is looking pretty weak right now.  Aside from any combination of Shane Douglas's group and the newly reformed Harlem Heat, there are not very many legitimate contenders for the belts.  With "The Revolution" headed to the top to bury Flair as soon as he walks through the customs gate at the airport, it looks like either the Triad or Harlem Heat v2.0 will be carrying the belts for a long time.
 
Cruiserweight Champion: Rey Misterio Jr. - Rey was one of the top wrestlers in WCW, until Superbrawl IX.  It was here that Bischoff decided to take Rey's mask off in order to make him more "hip" for the crowd.  Which was great, because its not like anyone watches wrestling for....WRESTLING.  HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  Bring out the music videos, bring out Master P, you mean I get to watch a birthday party for the relative of some crappy rapper.... were do I sign up!  Seriously though, it seems that the Cruiserweight title has become more of an afterthought for Misterio.  When was the last time that he actually defended it?  The guys at DDT Digest say that Rey's match against Vampiro on the July 26 Nitro, but that really makes no sense.  For us to believe that it was a title match, we (the morons who actually try and put together WCW storylines for them) would have to believe that Vampiro is an ABSOLUTE FUCKING IDIOT!  If you think about it Vampiro had just delivered a massive top rope powerbomb and all he had to do was cover Rey for the title.  But what does he do, he calls in the ICP to stomp the crap out of Mini-Konnan.  Does Bischoff really think that the viewer is so fucking stupid  to believe that anyone would stomp a.... what do you call it???  )A mudhole, Undertaker... try to read the script ahead of time) rather than capture a title.  Fuck you Bischoff!!!!
 
The Cruiserweight Division is where WCW should start to try and win back the ratings war, it's the only thing that WCW has over the WWF right now.  The cruiserweight division is riddled with tons of extremely talent workers and not just Rey, Juvi, and Kidman.  Guys like Chavo, Psychosis, and many others. This is the one belt in WCW that should be used to get a guy over.  Bischoff should allow for one 12-15 minute cruiserweight title match on each Nitro and another shorter cruiserweight match in order to set up the storylines.  Also, there should be at least one CW match on each Thunder, to again build up the stories.  By doing this, I believe that WCW could begin to cut into the WWF dominance.  
 
TV Champion: Rick Steiner - Steiner is the most pathetic thing in WCW today, and that includes David Flair.  Steiner used to be able to deliver a solid match, but he has always been much more effective in Tag Team matches with his brother.  Back in the NWA and WWF the Steiner Brothers were an amazing tag team that was both over with the fans and wrestling good matches.  The problem has always been that Rick has the personality of Flair Jr. and the mic skills of Benoit, the only thing he could do outside of wrestling to get himself over was to crawl like a dog and bark.  So course Bischoff took that away from him with the heel turn.... Fuck you Bischoff!!!  It is appalling what Bischoff has done to these guys.  Scott is a roided up freak who gets over as a heel by throwing women out of cars and stealing lines from rap songs.   Does Scott think I'm deaf, of course I can hear him.  Rick has degenerated into something that is really indescribable.  He is currently the third wheel on Nash's heel stable, though he did give Goldberg that nasty looking bump on his skull.  His gimmick is non-existent, all he does is get on the mike and tell the fans to "Bite me".  Are those monopoly pieces on his shoulders?  His shittyness was highlighted by that "match" at Bash at the Beach.  How much did that DDT on the outside miss by???? 6-10 inches?
 
The TV Division is basically ever one who is not in a serious angle right now.  Like the Cruiserweight belt, this title should be defended every week on Nitro, and on a majority of Thunder and Saturday Night.  I mean hell its called the TV title!!! What the fuck does Bischoff thinks the TV stands for....... shit! I can't think of anything funny! How the fuck is Chase Tatum the #1 contender for the title?  Every single wrestler in WCW should be higher on the TV Title totem pole that Tatum.  Giving Malenko this title would help elevate "The Revolution" and make them a legitimate stable. 
 
United States Champion: David Flair - Flair is probably the most hated wrestler among the internet fans, which is pretty impressive considering Konnan is still wrestling.  Everyone knows that David was awarded the title by his father when he was president.  Which is pretty funny, considering that most people know that for years presidents and promoters have been pushing their kids into big matches that they had no business being in.  Perhaps the biggest example in WCW is Erik Watts pushed into the spotlight by big daddy Bill Watts.  On a side note, why wasn't Erik fired the same day as Bill got the ax?  So while the father pushing the son angle is nice the problem is that again Bischoff assumes that the fans have the memory span of two weeks.  I challenge Bischoff to explain why Ric would want to push his son after his son: Stunned him with the tazer leading to a defeat against Hogan, what about the time when David signed Ric into the mental home????  And while this gimmick is interesting and humorous, it can't make up for the absolute shit that Davey calls wrestling.  The more I think about it, the more I think that Flair can't be this bad of an wrestler.  Perhaps there is a much more cerebral part to this angle that no one is understanding.  Maybe Baby Flair wrestles so poorly to emphasize what crap can be pushed to the top by having friends in high places.  Or perhaps WCW is just drawing us all in to believing that David sucks, then one match he is going to bust out Benoit-like skill.  But this is WCW so someone probably thought this up in a booking meeting when everyone was high off that wacky weed that Hogan says is all over the locker rooms.  Before I get to what should happen with the US Title, there is one more interesting way that this David Flair thing could go.  It would be interesting to see Flair take over the same role that Intercontinental Champ The Honky Tonk Man had from 1986(?)- Summerslam 88(?)  For those of you who don't remember, HTM held the title for like 18 months despite having NO in-ring skill whatsoever.  He would always find some way to eek out a victory, by some underhanded heel tactic.  Crowds hated him, and came to each show hoping not only to see him lose, but to see him killed.  Then at Summerslam, Ultimate Warrior came out and squashed him in about 30 seconds, bringing to an end to one of the best angles ever and getting the Warrior over HUGE.  WCW could do this type of angle to introduce a new wrestler, or better yet have Hart take it when he comes back.
 
The US Division should be the strongest wrestling division in WCW.  Everyone knows that the World Title is going to be tied up with guys like Hogan/Sting/Nash/Goldberg/Sid and maybe a few others, but none of the top actual wrestlers in WCW.  Therefore this should be the smarks title, the guys who deliver the best workrate matches.  The obviously top choice is Internet demi-god Chris Benoit, and that works for me.  Other choices are guys like Eddy, who is getting massive heat, or Hart when he comes back.  By giving the internet fan a good US Title division it might start to turn around the direction WCW is going.   
 
World Heavyweight Champion: Hollywood Hogan - Of all the problems that riddle WCW now, Hogan being the champion is the biggest one.  Now I can understand why Bischoff doesn't listen to the internet fans and give the World Title to Benoit, Malenko, or high workrate guys like them.  The fact of the matter is that those guys have poor mic skills, and while I would love to see Benoit drop Hogan on the back of his head with a Dragon Suplex, a large majority of the fanbase won't react to a guy who can't work the mic.  But having Hogan with the strap is criminal, does anyone remember the last time he wrestled a good match and didn't have to have his ass carried?  Hell if with his ass carried!  What the hell is with the Kevina jokes??!?!?!!   If Bischoff wants to have a face hold the title, then put it around the waste of Sting or Goldberg.  Both are way more over (note reactions on Nitro) with both regular and internet fans, and can actually wrestle... well Sting can.  There aren't really any heels who deserve to hold the top title in WCW.  Steiner has been discussed above.  Nash is trying to be cool and do interviews without rehearsing it, and is failing miserably.  Not to mention his shit wrestling.  Maybe Sid will work (when does softball start?), or maybe Hall when he comes back (I wonder how the belt will look in a mugshot?). 
 
The World Division should showcase the top stars of WCW and not just those in with Bischoff.  Guys like Benoit, Malenko, Hart, and other uber-workers should be in this division and switching the title around, but that will take too long to setup.  The guy who makes the most sense considering the current storylines and all around wrestler abilities (workrate and mic) is....... do I even need to say it, of course Ric Flair.  But Bischoff will never do it because he has something (please someone explain this to me!) against Flair.  So FUCK YOU BISCHOFF!!!!!
 
 
Before I end I have two off the subject questions for the millions..... AND MILLIONS of readers:
 
First, does any know of anywhere in South Florida where I can rent old wrestling tapes?  Especially, NWA stuff from the late 80's and early 90's.  My local Blockbuster blows in a Lenny/Lodi way and internet will take to long
 
Second, as I said in my first report I'm going to college this fall in Washington DC.  If anyone lives in DC, could you please clue me in on the wrestling situation there.  Like what station ECW syndicated is on, and what the Indy scene is like.
 
On a final note: For those of you in high school, cut your teachers some slack and don't treat them like shit.  I know this may sounds strange, but teachers are people, and are usually willing to help out their students anyway possible.
 
 
Wishing Nash would have powerbombed Bischoff through the table and then powerbombed Hogan on top of him
 
Nick A.
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