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/wrestling /guests /Mr. Mean |
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/wrestling /guests /Mr. Mean |
| Guest Columns | Mr. Mean |
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SID... Lately, in WCW a jobber need only know how do two things: sell powerbombs and chokeslams. That means you and I could be jobbers, too. Count me out! No, I don't mean as one of Sid's run-in victories, either. Yes, the Ruler of the World is at it again. And this time he went up into the mid-card for his powerbombs. Come to think of it, Sid promised to powerbomb everyone in WCW. Now we know the REAL reason Kevin Nash wanted some time off. Big Sexy will return when this angle is over with. He just doesn't want to pay Dr. Andrews another visit. One elbow surgery is enough. This week's Nitro played to a Las Vegas audience. Tony Schiavone, hyping the appearance of KISS, proclaimed them the greatest rock band in the last 20 years. Uh, Tony, what about Van Halen, Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones, etc? The list could go on and on. Tony oversells everything. Oh, and Hulk Hogan will defend the world heavyweight championship tonight against Sting. They will fight for the gold with no run-ins! Does even one person believe THAT? When it came time to start the first match, Mikey Whipwreck was introduced. Then Chase Tatum was introduced. Then Sid was introduced. Well, he actually wasn't but he should have been. I don't why anyone even bothered looking at the ring for this match. All eyes should have been turned to the entryway. Sid let them wrestle for a few minutes and then he strode to the ring, referee Charles Robinson in tow. The ref in the ring, Scott Dickinson, wisely bailed out. Mikey and Chase didn't because they are doing their job. Hey, I wouldn't refuse a work assignment, either. Sid ordered Dickinson back in the ring. He then powerbombed Whipwreck and Robinson held up a sign proclaiming Sid to be 67-0. Backstage, Lodi is throwing a temper tantrum because Robinson stole his gimmick. Tatum took his powerbomb next and Dickinson did his duty again. This time Robinson has a sign that says 68-0. "Just in case you can't count, it is now 68-0," Sid said. A Goldberg chant breaks out. "Yeah, you can say it. I can hear you," Sid said. Sid then said these "victories" were one more step to the top of the mountain where he would stand. "In the year 2000, you will hear only one name," Sid said. Another Goldberg chant. "And the name is Sid Vicious." It has gotten to the point where the casinos can start posting odds on Sid run-ins. Most of the time it's not if but when. I just want to see him powerbomb Ed Leslie. Ah, that's wishful thanking. We got a little aside backstage between Kidman and Kimberly. Kidman said he was sorry for any misunderstanding last week and Kimberly said she would smooth things out with Page. This had the makings of a really nice angle but it may be over already. Other Internet sites are reporting that Eric Bischoff blew a gasket during a meeting with the WCW wrestlers and basically told them if they didn't like it they could leave. Raven and Kidman took him up on the offer. Losing Kidman will hurt WCW. It turns out that Kimberly must not have gotten to Page in time because Goldberg "arrived" at the arena to see the Triad beating up Kidman. Words were exchanged and security kept them apart. Then it was mic time in the ring for the Triad. This act is getting a little stale. Kanyon did his usual shtick by asking who was better than Kanyon. The crowd as always said everybody. DDP got some cheap heat by saying the Las Vegas is full of losers. He's actually right. Ask the people playing the slot machines. They got in the two time, two time, two time thing. DDP trashed Kidman again and challenged Goldberg. Sting was the next one to the ring for mic time. Are we going to have any wrestling tonight? Schiavone had hinted that a new WCW "president" would be named tonight. Sting "won" that title but supposedly was giving it back to WCW. "I'm back in black," Sting said. He must be an ACDC fan. He respects Hulk Hogan but promises to win the title tonight. That brings out Lex Luger! To a big pop, I might add. Is he going to attack? No, they shake hands and embrace. The Total Package says he wishes Sting the best but warns him not to trust Hogan. What about trusting you, Lex? Sting brushes that aside. They shake hands again. "I wish you the best, buddy," Luger said. Next, we have Mike Tenay outside awaiting the arrival of Bischoff. Now if Tenay would just stay away from the announce table foreverII.Wishful thinking again. Bischoff gets out of a hummer!!! He's the hummer driver. The mystery is solved! Tenay tells Bischoff there are persistent rumors on the Internet that Bischoff was going to be named president. Bischoff acted like a politician and claimed to know nothing. "That's the internet for you," Bischoff said. And that's Bischoff for you. Got to take a jab at the smarks. They jab at the marks, too. Just read Mark Madden's worked article on Nash's "retirement" and you'll see what I'm talking about. Finally, we get a wrestling match. The Cat and Sonny Onoo are out. The Cat decides he wants to "finish off" Buff Bagwell. Whoa. I thought this feud got settled at Road Wild. Besides, these guys have legitimate heat. The usual fare happened here until Luger shows up to chase off Onoo! Cat is distracted and falls prey to the blockbuster and a clean pin. I don't know where this one came from. Bagwell is supposedly in the doghouse for refusing to job and Cat is tight with Bischoff. Perhaps the backstage scuffle at Road Wild was a work? Next up is DDP versus Goldberg. Sid will sit this one out. DDP and Kanyon hit the ring first and repeat their shtick from earlier. No need to repeat it here. DDP yells for Goldberg to "get out here now!" Where's Bam Bam? Sneaking up behind as Goldberg starts for the ring. Bam Bam nails Goldberg in the back with a trash can. Goldberg no sells. Goldberg rushes the ring and is beset by DDP and Kanyon. DDP does a stinger splash and then whips Kanyon for a stinger splash of his own only to be met by a spear! Kanyon can sure sell. Bam Bam came in and got speared, too. DDP fled, and at a safe distance, told Goldberg he would get him next week. What was wrong with this week and how will next week be any different? "I'm going to rip your throat out!" Goldberg snarled. And Kanyon and Bigelow, too. "Bring them on. I don't care!" Goldberg said. I guess this was a count out win for Goldberg, though nothing was announced. We got to see Curt Hennig and his West Texas Rednecks in their new Good Old Boy video. Let's see, the song says..."southern born and southern bred." Hennig is from Minnesota. But then what do facts have anything to do with WCW? Lenny put up his newly won cruiserweight title against Juventud Guerrera. Let's see. Sid hasn't run-in for the last two matches. This one has possibilities. Anyhow, Lenny and Juvi put on a whale of a match despite Lodi's constant interference. As we approach the 10-minute mark, there's still no Sid. But as Juvi was climbing to the top do his 450 flip, out comes Sid! Juvi jumps right into a chokeslam. Then Sid powerbombs all three men. He pins all three at once and Robinson holds up a 70-0 sign. The lights dim. "The total keeps getting higher and higher," Sid said. But didn't he "pin" all three men and shouldn't his "record" be 71-0? I guess since Lodi wasn't officially in the match, he doesn't count. "No one can stop me,'' Sid said in what became a rambling monologue. Uh, Sid, don't you remember Hogan and Sting chasing you off last week? He continues. "I finally hear the chant of Goldberg," Sid said, his voice lowering. "I can barely hear it. Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid is the only name you'll be able to hear." The crowd keeps chanting Goldberg's name. "Yeah, get it out of your system," Sid said. As Sid rants, Lenny, Lodi and Juvi continue to lie there like corpses. The Revolution minus Chris Benoit takes on the First Family. I don't see how the Revolution can build any heat (and they have been lukewarm so far) facing the likes of the First Family. This is just a big schmozz. Rick Steiner runs in and does the top rope Bulldog on Perry Saturn. Steiner climbs through the ropes to exit the ring right next to referee Mickey Jay, who somehow doesn't see him. Saturn gets pinned and Benoit runs out to challenge Steiner. The Insane Clown Posse took on Rey Jr. and Kidman. Maybe one of the reasons Kidman walked out on WCW was because he had to sell to the likes of the ICP. This was the usual bumpfest. The end came when Vampiro interfered. He tried to Irish whip Kidman, who reversed it, causing Shaggy 2 Dope to get clobbered. The good guys get the win and then get punked afterwards. Eddie Guerrero makes the save. Gene Mean brought out Hogan for another one of the interviews they have done hundreds of times. Hogan said he wouldn't double cross his son Nick or Sting. "I told the Stinger he has my word," Hogan said. The Hulkster lashed at Luger for trying to plant doubt in Sting's head. Benoit defended the U.S. title against Steiner, who got in some heavy offense early. He flung Benoit into the steel steps outside the ring and put the Crippler in the camel clutch. Steiner also took a moment to menace the announcers. Benoit eventually got the upper hand and hit the German suplex trifecta. He then went to the top rope for the diving headbutt finisher and hit it - on the referee, who had been pulled in the way by Steiner. The DFG then grabbed the belt, prompting a Saturn run-in. And that prompted a Sid run-in. Sid chokeslammed Saturn and then he and Steiner spike powerbombed Saturn. Benoit recovered and the bad guys fled. Where were Shane Douglas and Malenko? By repelling Sid and Steiner, Benoit continues to build his heat. And he keeps getting more mic work. "We're sick of the politics back there!" Benoit said. "We're sick of the cliques back there." Of course Sid and Rick mock the Revolution. Benoit and Saturn will take on Sid and Rick this Thursday on Thunder. It would help the Revolution build some heat but I just canUt see them getting put over heels who are getting monster pushes. That means Saturn will do the job. Just leave it to WCW to muck things up. Benoit and Saturn had great heat as a tag team. Then Douglas is thrown into the mix like a wet blanket and kills everybody's heat. I know. This is supposed to set up his heel turn but the execution has been sloppy so far. Harlem Heat surprisingly dropped their newly won world tag team titles to Barry and Kendall Windham in what was for all intents and purposes a handicap match. Curt Hennig and Bobby Duncum Jr. were liberally involved throughout. The end came when Booker T hit the axe kick and then the missile drop kick on Kendall. But referee Nick Patrick was tangled up with Stevie Ray and Barry and didn't see Hennig hit Booker with a cowbell. Hennig put Kendall on top of Booker. Naturally, Patrick gets in position to count the pin. Vampiro and Eddie had their match, which was as good as you might expect, to a point. It was hard to imagine the ICP not running in and they did just that. Eddie had nailed a tremendous superplex and was getting ready to end it with a frog splash when the ICP appeared. Eddie took them both out with a plancha to the floor. But a few minutes later, Eddie collided with Shaggy 2 Dope on the apron and Vampiro won. The beatdown ensued until Rey Jr. and Kidman made the save. Michael Buffer was on hand to do the ring intros for the main event. Buffer handled this just like it was a boxing match, mentioning the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Oh, let's have some fun with this. The mainstream media usually portrays wrestling as "fake" but what about boxing? Is it really any more "real" than wrestling? Take a look at the Lennox Lewis-Evander Holyfield fight. Lewis beat the crap out of Holyfield but only one judge saw it that way. What the other two saw, who knows? At least the major wrestling organizations donUt try to lie about what they do. I can't say the same about boxing. I just had to get that off my chest. Hogan and Sting had a fairly decent match. Yes, there was a lot of no selling but it wasn't bad. Hogan actually attempted a few wrestling moves, including a roll up that earned him a two-count. "I'm surprised he didn't grab the tights," Heenan said. "That's what he should have done." You go, Bobby! They fought in and out of the ring. Sting deposited Hogan on the announce table and dropped an elbow on him. And again. Hogan laid Sting on the table and rained punches on him. This match went on so long that I felt my prediction last week would be wrong. "This has gotten out of hand," Schiavone said. No it hasn't Tony. There hasn't been a run-in yet. Finally, Sid and Rick ran in. No contest, just like I called it. Then Goldberg came in to help Hogan and Sting. Luger showed up, too. Hogan and Sting shook hands. Hogan said he would give Sting another shot if Goldberg and Luger would watch their backs. I thought Hogan didn't trust Luger. Apparently they will try this schmozz again next week. Predicting what will happen next Monday isn't quite as easy. My natural instinct is to call it a no contest again. Goldberg and Luger will be on run-in defense duty. Rick and Sid will be lurking. I canUt imagine those four not getting involved. Will Luger turn? He might. Or will Hogan decide his knees canUt take any more and book Sting to win? Or maybe Sid runs in, powerbombs Hogan and pins him to win the belt. Call that Sid's Rules. Raven had his. Better yet, WCW should just give Sid the belt. He has been promising to stop the run-ins if they just give him what he considers to be his. If that happens, I can stop looking over my shoulder. Mr. Mean |
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