Spread the word. WCW has its very own soap opera, As the Hummer Turns.

Yes, the hummer driver angle has rekindled. Again. No, that really wasn't Jeff Farmer driving it. And it wasn't Carmen Electra. Lex Luger swears it is none other than prodigal son hero himself - Hulk Hogan! And the Total Package has proof, he says.

That's not the only thing cooking this week. Vampiro is seeking to be the next Raven and was very much a factor Monday night. Yes, so was Sid Vicious. Diamond Dallas Page is gaining momentum and Shane Douglas continues to be a bust.

Nitro had some opening Monday night. After a set of commercials following the end of the previous show on TNT, we were greeted with four wrestlers already in the ring. Whoa! Slow down a minute. On one side, you had Disorderly Conduct, guaranteeing a Sid run-in. The opponents, not that it mattered, were Steve Regal and Dave Taylor.

When Sid, along with designated-referee Charles Robinson, made his way to the ring, the crowd really popped. Regal and Taylor, who sort of have mid-card status, got tossed over the top rope. Robinson is holding a sign proclaiming Sid's "record" to be 73-0. Wasn't he 75-0 after Thunder? I'm not going to try to make sense out of Sid's math. Or for that matter, anything WCW does.

Anyhow, Sid powerbombs the DC guys and Robinson holds up a sign that says Sid is now, indeed, 75-0. Cue the Goldberg chant. Sid gets on the stick and says he has to take it "higher and higher. There is no end. There is no end. There is no end." Sid keeps going. "I've got to keep taking it higher and higher to prove without a doubt that I am the millennium man and I have no equal," he said. Now the crowd is booing him. The Goldberg chant is relentless. That doesn't bother Sid at all. "You can shout out Goldberg until your eyes pop out of your head!" Sid said. They do.

Actually, the Goldberg chants do kind of bother Sid. "You're going to push me to do something I don't want to do," Sid said. "Shut up! Shut up!" With that, Sid dropped the mic and powerbombed one of the DC guys again. "I don’t know anyone who can stop this man," said announcer Bobby Heenan. Well, the late Brian Pillman did once, making Sid resort to brandishing a squeegee.

Sid promises to keep on and on until he reaches the top of the world. He said the people would "only sing one name." Cue the Goldberg chant again. "That will be Sid Vicious and that says enough," Sid said. "Remember, that's Sid. Enough said." The crowd chants Hogan's name. Then Sid powerbombed the other hapless DC jobber. "I have no equal!" he shouted again. Uh, Sid do those other two powerbombs count as two more wins? We'll find out on Thunder. I don't think Sid powerbombed anyone at the Yankees-Mariners game Sunday since the Yankees won.

Tony Schiavone noted that when Goldberg was at 75-0, he won the U.S. title from Raven. That's it, Tony, bury Raven some more. You should have left WCW, not Raven. Heenan said Sid's record would probably soar to 5,000-0. Then they hyped Goldberg against DDP in the main event. Weren't we supposed to get Hogan and Sting versus Sid and Rick Steiner?

Yes, it’s Gene Mean time. He calls out Luger, who sucks up to the Long Island fans by wearing a Yankee cap and shirt. Luger continues to tell us that Sting can't trust Hogan. He said that after 10 years of good, Hulkamania has been a "total, absolute sham" the last three years. Furthermore, Luger has "proof" that Hogan is a con man. Gene Mean wants to see it and Luger says, "You'll see later." Then he walks off to a shower of boos.

Alex Wright showed up in a black Mercedes coupe, accompanied by three thugs and a female interpreter. Tony called the car a limo.

The next match had Lash LeRoux squaring off with Scotty Riggs. The crowd is absolutely dead for this until they start a "We want Sid" chant. They're catching on. A "boring" chant is heard, too. Then another "We want Sid" chant. Finally, the crowd erupts. Yes……No! It's Vampiro and the Insane Clown Posse. Vampiro sits on a turnbuckle but doesn't interfere. Riggs hit the rocker dropper and got the win. Vampiro confronted Riggs and said, "You owe me." Riggs brushed him off. Does anyone think Riggs won't become a part of Vampiro's gang?

Oh boy. It's mic time for the (yawn) Revolution. "Are you ready for a revolution?" Douglas said. They aren't. Even Chris Benoit can't get them stirred too much. This segment could have used a run-in to generate SOME heat. Douglas has been a total flop since coming to WCW and he is even killing Benoit's heat.

Kaz Hayashi had a sensational match with Lodi (and later Lenny). This was fun to watch. The highlights included Kaz nailing Lenny with a suicide dive and then Lodi taking them both out with a top rope plancha. Kaz also hit a hurancarana and a brainbuster! Lodi nailed a top rope bulldog and a subsequent airplane spin that resulted in a ref bump. Lenny took Lodi's place and Kaz pinned him! Yes, the ref counted it. That's the WCW trend these days. What about the cruiserweight belt? After the match, Lenny and Lodi laid out Kaz with a spike superplex.

Gene Mean brings out Hogan to a big pop. Some kind of strange music is playing in the background at first. Hogan, reminding us of his WWF days, tells the crowd he left as champ and is back as one. He says he'll never stab Sting in the back. And he's angry with Luger. "I want to see this hard evidence Lex Luger has!" Hogan said. The Hulkster is tensing up. "If Lex Luger is trying to set me up and frame me, I'll kick Lex Luger's ass!" he said. As he's leaving the ring, Hogan says to the camera, "I don't know what Lex Luger is trying to prove. But me and the Stinger are tight. I'll wait and see what Lex Luger has to say."

After the commercial break, we hear some piano music. Tony is irritated. "Cut the music. Gee whiz!" he said. No, Tony. You cut off your mic, please. I don't think the music was a mistake. It sounds like they are getting ready to bring in a new wrestler. Finally, LaParka's music came on and things got back on track. LaParka and Blitzkrieg faced Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr. in a terrific tag team match. The workrate was as good as it gets. No run-in either, though Vampiro and the ICP were seen on the entryway. Eddie pinned Blitzkrieg after the frog splash. The highlight of the match was when Rey nailed a hurancarana that took LaParka over the top rope and down to the concrete.

Finally, the reincarnation of Alex Wright unfolds. Gene Mean is waiting in the ring for Wright and company. As they enter the ring, they pat down Gene Mean. "They're searching Okerlund," Heenan said. "They should have done this years ago." Heenan still has it. It's a shame WCW keeps him mostly muzzled.

Berlyn speaks in German and gets heavily booed after the interpretation. "With American wrestlers, it's just wrestling," the interpreter said. "When he wrestles, it's an art." Next came the USA chant. Surprise, surprise. And he has chosen the first American wrestler he will destroy. Who? Why, it's Buff Bagwell. The punishment continues. You see, Buff, when you refuse to job, guess what? You have to job! Berlyn said Bagwell represents narcissism and yada, yada, yada. "The German machine will destroy him," the interpreter said. And he didn't forget the cheap heat. "Your language disgusts him," she said. "Therefore, he will never speak it again."

As the segment ends, a fan is holding up a sign that says "Lame." Oops. That camera didn't pan away in time. I enjoyed the segment. I thought Wright's previous character sucked but this one might work. And it just keeps getting worse for Bagwell. With all the hype surrounding Berlyn, Bagwell is going to have to put Wright over.

Gene Mean again? Luger comes running out, looking disheveled and the Yankee cap is gone. He says someone wearing red and yellow jumped him in the locker room and stole his evidence. Then he stomps off. I guess they took the cap, too.

Next up were Prince Iaukea and Kenny Kaos taking on the Windham brothers. This was a strange segment. Barry pinned Kaos and the other two guys were never in the match. Harlem Heat ran in and Booker T pinned Kendall. Yes, the ref counted it. But then Bobby Duncum entered and clocked Booker with the cowbell. Curt Hennig joined in and the Heat got laid out.

Here comes Lex Luger again. He's carrying a brown envelope. He still looks haggard. Gene Mean is skeptical. "This upsets and disgusts me," Luger said. He calls out Sting. "Who's swerving who here?" Schiavone said. Luger reminds Sting they have been friends for 13 years. Yes, they've had a few problems, but they've always worked them out. Luger says Hogan is "scum of the earth" and pulls out a photo. It's Hogan standing next to a white Hummer! Hogan is the hummer driver!!!!! The angle that has nine lives is back once more. "Let's see it, Lex," Sting said. Gene Mean is still skeptical. "That's just a picture of him standing next to a hummer," he said.

Hogan comes out and grabs the picture. "That doesn't prove anything!" Hogan said. Luger rails that Hogan almost ended Kevin Nash's life by ramming Big Sexy's limo with the hummer. In the middle of all this, DDP runs in and gives Hogan a forearm to the back. We have intersecting angles. Welcome to math class.

Now Sting is having some doubts. They argue. "How many times have you stabbed me in the back already?" Sting said. Security filled the ring to prevent a schmozz.

Ugh. It's Van Hammer versus Buff Bagwell. Hopefully, Berlyn will come down and smack Buff with his walking stick. To stress how important this match is, Schiavone talks about the hummer. WCW officials are "searching" for footage of the hummer incident. Like anyone really cares, Buff wins with the blockbuster. Oh, yeah. Berlyn's entourage "scouted" Bagwell from the entryway.

They found the footage. It's from the June 7, 1999 Nitro. We see a hummer repeatedly ramming Nash's limo. But, nope, we can't see the face.

Next up were Mike Enos and Evan Karagias. It sure is looking like WCW Saturday Night. But at least this means we'll get a Sid run-in. Why else are they in the ring together? "There's no problem between these two men," Schiavone said, meaning there's no angle except for them to get powerbombed. That's what the crowd wants, too, as a "We want Sid!" breaks out. Enos did try to entertain them by giving Karagias a Scott Hall-style powerbomb. They weren't satisfied. "Who do you want?" Enos snarled. "Sid!" popped the crowd. Enos covered but pulled Karagias up after two. Then he gave him a tremendous piledriver that would have made Paul Orndorff proud. The crowd erupted. Yes……..No again!! It's not Sid, it's Vampiro and the ICP.

Anyone who doesn't think Sid is over didn't watch Monday night. Even when he didn't run in, the crowd wanted him to. Powerbomb, powerbomb, powerbomb, yeah!

This time we get a run-in as Vampiro blasts Enos with a flying dropkick that also takes out the ref. But the ref somehow didn't see it. Yet he did see Karagias cover Enos for the win. Now it seems that Karagias also "owes" Vampiro. "I don't owe you anything!" Karagias said.

The segment isn't over yet as Brian Adams appears at the top of the entryway and tells Vampiro, "Not here. Not now. Not this time." Another rock and roll feud, like I care.

Dean Malenko and Douglas took on Hugh Morrus and Brian Knobbs in what became a double countout schmozz. The fact that Malenko and Douglas weren't put over these clowns just adds to their heat deficit. I could say this every week. Douglas just isn't getting over.

Gene Mean is out yet again and he's got Hogan, who thanks the fans for sticking with him. He mentioned his son Nick, to make him look even more like a babyface. He turned his attention to DDP. "OK. He broke my leg," Hogan said. "That's part of the business." Hogan decides he wants DDP tonight. But there's a problem. DDP is slated to face Goldberg. Hogan asked for Goldberg to come out. "I need a favor from you," Hogan said. "Let me take on Page tonight and kick his butt!" Goldberg has a counteroffer. He proposes they team up and take out the Triad. Hogan agrees. "Tune in for the massacre!" Goldberg said.

Disco Inferno railed on the mic prior to his match with Rick Steiner, who promptly comes in and destroys Disco. He won't quit either, tossing the ref out of the ring and putting Disco in an armbar type submission hold. Perry Saturn ran in and nailed the cryonic kick for the save.

Benoit defended his U.S. title against Jerry Flynn. What on earth has Flynn done to rate being in the next to last match? Flynn actually got in a lot of offense before Benoit took control. But the rest of the First Family ran in, causing the DQ. The rest of the Revolution came to Benoit's rescue and the heels fled. Benoit then grabbed the mic, questioning how Sid could count run-ins as victories and challenging him to a match. "You'll have to powerbomb me more than once," Benoit said. I'm sure that would suit Sid just fine. Then they did that stupid Revolution slogan. Stop it. It's not getting over.

Michael Buffer's intros took longer than the main event itself. Hogan pinned Bam Bam Bigelow just as Goldberg was no selling a diamond cutter. No run-ins. No Lex Luger swerve. Not yet.

But it's not quite over as Sting is backstage looking for Hogan, somehow not realizing that the Hulkster is in the ring having a match. Don't these guys pay attention? Sting forces his way past a security guard and opens the door to Hogan's dressing room to discover Savage, Gorgeous George and a cameraman. The cameraman in the room captures a stunned look on Sting's face. "Could Luger be right about Hogan?" Schiavone said as the show ended.

It's a cliffhanger, yes. A lot could be said about stupid this convoluted angle has been. But let's just deal with the present. First of all, that was really stupid having that cameraman in the room with Savage and George. It takes away any idea that this confrontation was spontaneous. They could have just had Sting turn away and give a stunned look to the cameraman following him.

Forget about Jeff Farmer and Carmen Electra and Eric Bischoff and whoever else "drove" the hummer. Heck, maybe Ted Turner drove it. I don’t know why Sting would even care if Hogan DID drive the hummer. Nash was on the receiving end, not Sting. Besides, was a heel when he "retired" from WCW and Hogan is now a face. Unless they're trying to suggest that Hogan wore face paint like Sting and wanted to frame Sting.

My guess is that they're still haven't decided who "drove" the hummer. But that's still not the point. What's going on in storyline terms is that Luger is up to something. Considering his track record, Luger may be setting up a swerve on Sting.

There are a few other things to consider. Savage has been thrust back into the mix. Nash's name is being brought back. Scott Steiner is supposedly set to return. So is Scott Hall. This smells a lot like the nWo again. Maybe they will use Jeff Farmer to "prove" that Sting drove the hummer! This would set up Sting and Goldberg for a massive beatdown. The best angle in WCW history reigns supreme again! This is the road back to the top of the mountain as Sid would say.

Ah, enough already. I'm getting a headache. Tune in next week again for As the Hummer Turns.