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/wrestling /guests /Moseley |
| Guest Columns | Andy Moseley |
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THE PEOPLE'S COLUMN Hey, it's the People's Column! This week... I Get Letters, This Week in '90s Wrestling History, Raw vs Nitro, a look at wrestling in 1989 compared to 1999, your new inductee into the People's Hall of Fame, and anything I decide to add in the finale. For those of you who always read this very paragraph for the latest on high school football... boo-ya! Brunswick High beat Windsor Forest 57-0 to end the regular season at 10-0 and are headed home for the first playoff game against Coffee County. Hurray! You can't make it down here to Brunswick? Don't worry my fearless Andyholics... I'll tell you how big BHS won next week. By the way, Coffee is 5-5, and two of those wins are due to teams that beat them forfeiting the games. In other words, Coffee isn't really a playoff team. Hey, no complaints from Brunswick. And I'm digging the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches in the concession stands. Still with me? Good. Let's move on to SPORTS-ENTERTAINMENT. I saw Undertaker doing commentary alongside Nick and Johnny on Celebrity Deathmatch and I was just wondering... where was the WWF's plug of this, huh? McMahon vs Austin gets plugs for two weeks but 'Taker doing commentary... noooooo. I visited WCW.com's "new and improved" chat room over the weekend and it was OK I guess. Bob Ryder was in there twice and both times I did some heavy mentioning of CRZ and [slash]. He totally ignored me. In fact, he ignored EVERYBODY but did give the chatroom chatters props (there I go again) in his "News, Rumors, and Gossip" on WCW.com. Next time I'm asking him what he thinks about Nitro is Porn. You know, some people are so stupid. Somebody goes into the room and calls themself "Goldberg" and says they are Goldberg, and people ACTUALLY BELIEVE THEM. Bob and the chat moderator get their names in blue but Goldberg doesn't? Yeah. By the way, I wouldn't have known about WCW.com even having a new chat room if it wasn't the big top headline on a certain site that Bob writes notes on. Don't forget, this is the week that A&E has wrestling editions of Biography to increase the ratings (you know, sweeps week... kinda like Regis saying "Is that your final answer?" five hundred times a night for two weeks). We still have Mick Foley tonight (Wednesday), Jesse Ventura on Thursday, and Andre the Giant on Friday. I saw bits and pieces of Austin during Nitro Monday, and I was impressed but saddened by the Owen Biography last night. WWF the Music Vol. 4 at #4, Mankind's book at #2... life must be good for the WWF. Not to mention Vincent K. between WEEELLL IT'S THE BIG SHOW and the Undertaker on the cover of "Cigar Aficionado", a Stone Cold figure on the front of "Toyfare", and Vince being named a near-hit for "Entertainment Weekly"'s Top 100 Entertainers of the Century. As Adam Sandler would say, not too shabby. By the way, I decided not to do the People's Awards. Instead go vote in the RSPW (I hope I got those in the right order, I probably didn't though) Awards on the main page here on [slash]. I did! Go Jericho Go! And Smiley... and everyone else I voted for. In the Nitro Recap when CRZ said there were at least a half-dozen writers on this site who could do better on their first night commentating than Tony Schiavonie does now, was I one of those? And az a show of support for Russo, I will use a z instead of an s to end all of my sentencez because itz cool to be a magazine editor and spell every single word wrong. OK, no I won't. By the way, I finally ordered a Y2J shirt from the WWF ShopZone last week. GO JERICHO GO! MUST I TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE I AM YELLING? AND WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS WHEN THEY WRITE LETTERS TO PEOPLE? AND HAVE YOU WRITTEN A LETTER TO A COLUMNIST TODAY? I LOVE LETTERS AND EVERYBODY ELSE HERE WANTS YOUR FEEDBACK TOO. Now that I've annoyed the crap out of you with my capitalization... onto the usual weekly departments, then I'll lay some history down on you. I GET LETTERS Letter #1: Anyway... I have no idea which one his Ligerbomb is called. I always thought it was the Sky High, but they might be changing it like they >so often do. Here ya go... Lo-Down : Frog Splash Sky-High : Rydeem Bomb/Short Powerbomb/That move that Kidman does Real Deal : Running (and sometimes rotating) LygerBomb Guillit, er, Gilloti, er, Snap Legdrop : Snap Legdrop The Cubs Fan Cubs Fan? Well, at least you aren't a Yankees Fan or a Mets Fan. The Cubs are pretty cool actually. Thanks for the info on the moves. Your knowledge would serve you well on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." Letter #2: Hey-hey, it's-a me! Just got a few random topics to talk about. 1. Chae pic on the side: Shameless way to get people to read more of the column (like Terri Runnels's Nipple--I loved that column), something that boosts the column's overall status, or both? 2. D'Lo's head bobbin': I've tried to get my head to do that, but I almost broke my neck ^_^ 3. Michaelangelo and CyanIndigo: Is it just me, or were Good, Bad, and Ugly, and Up Close and Personal (she changed the name?) really annoying to read this week? You'd be reading GB&U quietly, minding your own business, waiting for something funny to happen, when suddenly, Mike says something like "CyanIndigo. Her beauty is more than just skin deep. But how would I know? <Snicker>", or "Sorry, WWF, but WCW has the BEST looking women in wrestling...by far...except for CyanIndigo (but how would I know?)." And then you switch over to CyanIndigo's "Trippa X" (obscure CRZ reference)/wrestling column, and you hear her talk about a "Michaelangelo fantasy". Now, I'm not jealous or anything of their, um, "friendship", but I'd much rather hear about WRESTLING than listen to all that jibba-jabba (and NO, I'm not part of Too Much), as Mr. T (the real one--more on him later) would say. Kinda like how the WWF isn't as concerned about one of the W's in their name, and instead, we're watching an angle about Vince's daughter getting raped. Okay, that's enough on that topic for now. 4. Am I the only one who likes the Too Cool gimmick? I think other people are just dissing it because they be playa hatas, foo'! Word! 5. Speaking of "foo'", Mr. T kIx @$$, dOOdz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The columnist too! I mark out (well, sorta) every time I see that commercial with him and Mini-Me, and I've read an unhealthy amount of the "Mr. T vs. Everything" series (http://www.sit.wisc.edu/~kljense3/MrT.html--you _gotta_ go here! It's really funny, even if it does start to get repetitive after a while). Unfortunately, I wasn't able to catch the A-Team back in The Day, since I wasn't born yet... 6. STELLAR to YOU (yes, you!) for that line about the best wrestlers of the 90s: "(excluding Curly Bill, Jay Leno, and Lawrence Taylor)" That had me laughing faster than the airspeed velocity of an African swallow. And that's all I got to say about that. 'N stuff. James Gowdey PS: Quick, pointless question: Do you think that Kennel in a Cell (you're right, it WAS the best match in the history of Sports Entertainment! What was I thinking?) match would have been entertaining if it was between the Canadian Blondes (AKA Edge 'nChristian) and the Hardyz? It's-a me... are you Mario? Anyway, let's start at the top and work our way down. The Chae picture is just there because Chae's a babe, but if it gets more people to read this and/or boosts this column's status I'm all for it. Well, maybe CyanIndigo and Michaelangelo's columns were a little sappy last week. I wouldn't mind seeing a picture of [slash]'s resident goddess just to back all of this up though. Of course, my Canadian goddess will forever be Neve Campbell. Look, now you have me going sappy here. I'm down with the Too Cool gimmick too. It's been funny so far, and I have to admit I mark out for "the snake." I do for the "People's Elbow" too, I guess the lamer the move, the more I like it. Oh well. I haven't made it over to the Mr. T vs everybody site yet... but I will. If I only knew the airspeed velocity of an African swallow. I wonder if Regis knows. And finally, as long as they took the dogs away, the Kennel in a Cell match would have been amazing between the Canadians and the Hardys. Thanks for writing, now go the latest installments of CyanIndigo and Michaelangelo's columns for all of your fantasy needs. Let's see, if we add these two letters into the all time totals, that brings us to six columns with nine total letters for an average of three letters a week. Not bad (if I did my math right). THIS WEEK IN '90s WRESTLING HISTORY - 11.17.99 to 11.23.99 There's A LOT of history this week! Probably because of the Survivor Series. 11.18 - Reese was born. His mother was eating a peanut butter cup at the time. 11.20.90 - Clash of the Champions XIII from Jacksonville featured "Big Cat" Curtis Hughes minus glittery shirt but probably plus wrap-around sunglasses defeating Brad Armstrong of the No Limit Soldiers. 11.22.90 - The fourth annual Survivor Series is held, featuring Hulk Hogan, Tugboat (or was that Shockmaster?), Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and the Big Bossman against Earthquake, Dino Bravo, THEMONSTERHAKU, and the Barbarian. Undertaker also made his WWF debut as a member of Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Team, which went on to defeat Dusty Rhodes' mothership of a team -- the Dream Team. 11.19.91 - It's WCW's Clash XVII, featuring Rick Rude winning the U.S. belt from Sting. But hey, just because that match was good doesn't meant they are were... Steve Austin beat P.N. News, Big Josh won a lumberjack match (which would make sense, now wouldn't it) against Tommy Rich, and Tom "Z-Man" Zenk beat Firebreaker Chip. 11.20.91 - Disco Inferno made his pro debut! Woohoo! Cruiserweight champ! 11.18.92 - This time, Macon hosted Class XXI which featured Madusa beating Paul E. Dangerously and Scott "Raven" Flamingo winning a boxing match against the Gold Glove-winning Johnny B. Badd. HE'S A BAAAADD MAN! And his wife is a BAAAAADD WRESTLER! 11.19.92 - Tiger Ali Singh made his pro debut. Years later he would be given a pretty cool gimmick in the WWF, then disappear into thin air. And he had a manager named after Apu from the Kwik-E-Mart. 11.18.93 - Vincent K. McMahon is indicted on charges of possession of anabolic steroids and conspiracy to distrubute them. If convicted of both charges, he would have faced eight years in prison and a $500,000 fine. Well, it's 1999 and he's not in prison so I guess we know how that ended. He did spend that $500,000 on the Warrior's 1996 stint though, which was probably a lot more painful than paying it to the law. 11.20.93 - WCW holds its Battlebowl pay-per-view, featuring such star teams as Charlie Norris & Kane (no, not THAT Kane), Paul Roma & Erik Watts, Shockmaster & Paul Orndorff, and Hawk & Rip Rogers. There was one team which would be awesome today though as Ric Flair teamed with Steve Austin. 11.20.94 - Alundra Blayze loses her WWF Women's Title to Bull Nakano at an All-Japan Women's card which drew 42,500 fans to the Tokyo Dome for the largest crowd in women's wrestling history. Thanks to the card being 10 hours, 23 matches long, everybody left long before the title change. 11.23.94 - The WWF's Survivor Series is live on pay-per-view featuring Owen Hart conning Helen Hart into throwing in the pink and black towel, giving Mr. Bob Backlund the win over Bret Hart. Bret was probably thinking he was screwed. Also, Walker, Texas Ranger himself -- Chuck Norris -- was the "enforcer" for Undertaker's casket match win over Yokozuna. But the big match was one of the traditional elimination matches as Jerry "The King" Lawler, Sleazy, Queasy, and Cheesy defeated Doink, Dink, Wink, and Pink. 11.19.95 - It's Survivor Series time again, this year featuring Bret Hart regaining the title belt against Diesel. You know, I bet Bret wishes that Nash would dress up like Vince and let him wrestle him now. I thought the coolest thing was the wild card elimination match with Shawn Michaels, Sid, Ahmed Johnson (groan), and the Bulldog defeating Owen Hart, Yokozuna, Dean Douglas (he wants a revolution), and Razor Ramon (hey yo). 11.20.95 - On Raw, Shawn Michaels collapses during his match against the late, great Owen Hart. "Tell Me a Lie" was recorded that very night. 11.22.95 - The New York Post reports that federal prosecutors and the FBI are investigating the possibility of witness tampering prior to the McMahon steroid trial. 11.17.96 - Another Survivor Series, featuring Sid winning the WWF Title from Shawn Michaels thanks to use of that video camera. Rocky Maivia also made his debut in an elimination match, Bret Hart returned by defeating Stone Cold, and Superfly returned as he teamed with Savio Vega, Flash Funk, and Yokozuna in a win over Vader, Faarooq, and... wait for it... the New Razor Ramon & New Diesel. 11.18.96 - Eric Bischoff reveals his allegiance to the nWo as the guys beat up on Piper. I dig the Piper beating seeing how he always uses '80s jokes, but it was BISCHOFF. 11.17.97 - Rick Rude appears with a beard alongside DX on the taped Raw is War. 11.17.97 - Rick Rude appears beardless alongside the nWo on the live Nitro. 11.17.97 - Also on the bearded Rude Raw, Vince McMahon does the "Bret screwed Bret" interview which we all know and love. 11.23.97 - It's World War 3 time for WCW (whatever happened to that name, instead of naming a videotape, a pay-per-view, a CD, and a video game the same thing?). Scott Hall won the big three ring, 60-man battle royal. The big story was Steve McMichael defeating Alex Wright. In all fairness to WCW though, Berlyn was subbing for Greenberg. 11.17.98 - Duane Gill won the WWF Lightheavyweight belt from Christian. Hey, he's celebrating a year as champ this week! What a lightheavyweight! Take THAT, Rey Rey! 11.22.98 - Billy Kidman, minus Kidcam, won the cruiserweight belt from Juventud. The Rock had nothing to do with it. RAW VS NITRO Raw is Cops... I thought Raw was pretty good this week, but then again I say that every week... No Austin was nice for a change even though he does cut some pretty cool interviews... The Jericho-Chyna angle has gotten even better, it's nice to see some character development... Let's hope the sex change doesn't take place though... Did you notice how the WWF doesn't respond to WCW's cheap little imitations?... It's been fun watching Al Snow since the big Wal-Mart recall. He looks like he's really having fun with this... Where is my GTV?... When Mankind's book came out, do you think Tony Schiavonie said, "Boy, that will put people in the bookstores"... Only two Raws away from the big Nokia Wedding of the Century, live from the Target Center and sponsored by WWF The Music Vol. 4. The ring bearer is being brought to you today by Castrol GTX, and your best man is sponsored by THQ. And following the ceremony/someone turns on someone, you'll get that Lugz Wedding Album Rewind... for every wedding, you should wear Lugz. Nitro is Russo... SUCKED. Don't get me wrong, there were some good matches and as a Norman Smiley fan, I enjoyed his match with Jimmy Hart (well, most of it).... But come on Russo, let's get your mind straight. You didn't even put yourself on TV all the time (OK, your voice and arms) in the WWF. I know, maybe McMahon wouldn't let you be the star and you wanted out... Too bad Russo's burning all these bridges, he may want back in one day. First he gets Nash to do his McMahon impression, then we get the pitiful JR imitation. I guess Russo has already nailed the two top guys in the WWF that you would want to be in with, so I guess Vic Venom will never return. And remember, we watch the show for the WRESTLERS (and the women). Not the guy with the Bwooklyn accent who spellz everything with z's because itz cool and all. And if you are announcing a Spice vs A.C. Jazz match, let's see it! At least Chae was on Spice's side. And yes, I meant to spell Brooklyn like that. I call spell... but it sure is fun to change a "s" to a "z". WRESTLING '89 vs WRESTLING '99 This is pretty simple, I'm comparing how many guys held each title in 1989 and 1999. Sounds like fun. Sources include the '99 PWI Almanac (I go for the top, baby) and Wrestleline (I really go for the top). Just to settle something that Wrestleline's title histories has, did Fabulous Moolah win the Women's title from Ivory on Raw this past Monday when I wasn't looking? WWF World Heavyweight Title... Circa 1989: The year started out with Randy Savage as champ. Hulk Hogan won it at WrestleMania and that was the last title change until a year later. Circa 1999: The year started with Mankind as champ. Since then, it's gone from The Rock to Mankind to The Rock to Steve Austin to The Undertaker to Steve Austin to Mankind to Triple H to Vince McMahon to being vacant to Triple H to the Big Show. WWF Intercontinental Title... Circa 1989: Mr. Destrucity himself was champ at the beginning of the year, but Rick Rude gave him the ULTIMATE beating to win the title. Then Warrior won it back. Circa 1999: On January 1st, Ken Shamrock held the belt. Since then, it's gone to Val Venis to Road Dogg to Goldust to the Godfather to Jeff Jarrett to Edge to Jeff Jarrett to D'Lo Brown to Jeff Jarrett to Chyna. WWF World Tag Team Titles... Circa 1989: Demolition started the year as champs, lost the belt to Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, won them back, and lost them to Andre the Giant and THEMONSTERHAKU. Circa 1999: Big Boss Man and Ken Shamrock started out the year as champs. Since then, it's switched hands from Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart to X-Pac & Kane to the Acolytes to the Hardy Boyz to the Acolytes to Kane & X-Pac to Big Show & Undertaker to Mankind & Rock to Undertaker & Big Show to Rock & Mankind to the New Age Outlaws to Mankind & Rock to the Hollys to Al Snow & Mankind to the Outlaws. WWF World Women's Title... Circa 1989: Going by the Almanac, Sherri Martel won the title in October 1988 and it was declared inactive in 1990, so I assume she defended it in 1989. Circa 1999: Rena was champ at the beginning of the year, and it's gone from Debra to Ivory to Moolah to Ivory (to Moolah on Raw???). WWF European Title... Circa 1989: No title. Circa 1999: It started with X-Pac, went to Shane McMahon, was retired, was given to Mideon, then went from D'Lo Brown to Jeff Jarrett to Mark Henry to D'Lo Brown to the British Bulldog. WWF Lightheavyweight Title... Circa 1989: No title. Circa 1999: We'll assume Gillberg is still champ. (Actually, in 1989, the WWF Light Heavyweight title WAS around - just, it was over in Mexico being defended in the UWA. Hisa's title page says that in 1989, Villano III, Sangre Chicana, and Perro Aguayo held or won the championship. - CRZ) WWF Hardcore Title... Circa 1989: No title. Circa 1999: Started with Road Dogg and has gone from Hardcore Holly to Billy Gunn to Hardcore Holly to Al Snow to the Boss Man to Al Snow to the Boss Man to the Bulldog to Al Snow to the Boss Man. WCW World Heavyweight Title... Circa 1989: It was the NWA title at the time and started out with Ric Flair, who lost it and then won it back from Ricky Steamboat. Circa 1999: It started 1999 with Kevin Nash, then went to Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, DDP, Sting, DDP, Nash, Randy Savage, Hogan, Sting, and the current vacancy (I don't know if Goldberg's win at Halloween Havoc counts). WCW U.S. Title... Circa 1989: The NWA U.S. belt started '89 with Barry Windham, then went to Lex Luger, Michael Hayes, and Luger. Circa 1999: It started with Bret Hart, then went to Roddy Piper, Scott Hall, vacant (I think) due to Hall's personal stuff, Scott Steiner, vacant, David Flair, Chris Benoit, Sid Vicious, Goldberg, Bret Hart, and back to Hall. WCW World Tag Team Titles... Circa 1989: The NWA gold started with the Road Warriors, then went from Mike Rotundo & Steve Williams (minus Mini JR) to the Freebirds to the Steiners. Circa 1999: Well, they started the year vacant because Eric Bischoff doesn't like tag teams. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham won a tournament, then their belts went from Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko to Kidman & Rey Jr. to Saturn & Raven to DDP & Bam Bam Bigelow to Denoit & Saturn to the Triad to Harlem Heat to the Barry & Kendall Windham to Heat to the Filthy Animals to Heat to the Animals. WCW TV Title... Circa 1989: The NWA version started with Mike Rotundo then went from Sting to being held up to the Great Muta. Circa 1999: It started with Scott Steiner and has since been held by Booker T, Rick Steiner, Chris Benoit, and Rick Steiner again. WCW Cruiserweight Title... Circa 1989: No title. Circa 1999: It started out with Kidman and has gone from him to Rey Jr. tto Psychosis to Rey Jr. to Lenny to the phantom title change to Psychosis to Disco Inferno. What am I trying to prove here? Absolutely nothing. I'm just giving you the facts so we can look at how much wrestling has changed in ten years. I didn't even watch in in 1989, probably because I was nine years old and had better things to watch like the Ninja Turtles or Ghostbusters or Ducktales or Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers or whatever show was on at the time. It wasn't Pokemon, let me tell you that much. Anyway, I guess all this really shows is that titles aren't as prestigious anymore and are used to give us a better storyline for entertainment. THE PEOPLE'S HALL OF FAME It's an off week for the Hall of Fame this week. Next week maybe I'll induct two members. Maybe not. FINALE Next week is Thanksgiving week but I should have a column in for you. Right now I'm thinking about going along the easy idea of saying what I'm thankful for wrestling-wise. Maybe I'll even induct the Gobblygooker into the People's Hall of Fame. Or maybe I'll go crazy and come up with some kind of original idea. Just a way ahead warning... the People's Column will PROBABLY be late the week of December 8th. It's final exams week at good ol' Coastal Georgia Community College, so I'll be doing a fair amount of cramming. Or maybe it will be on time. Who knows. Until next week's regularly scheduled column, keep your head in the ground and your feet in the stars and remember to write all of the people here who write to entertain you. Y'all come back now, you hear? (I can see Granny waving and holding her arm up now). Andy Still Chae's #1 man Mail the Author (pretty please) Visit Andy Online - the People's Website |
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