THE PEOPLE'S COLUMN
In memory of Derrick Thomas
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Welcome once again (or for the first time) to The People's Column. My
name is Andy and I am here to entertain and inform you.
As I mentioned this time last week, I went and saw "Scream 3" Friday
night. I thought it was great. Anywho, there was a trailer for "Ready to
Rumble", probably because the Dialing Dragon himself, David Arquette, is
in both movies. Let me tell you something... "Ready to Rumble" looks
HORRIBLE. As Bart Simpson would say, I didn't know it was possible, but
this could both "suck" and "blow."
And to quote the purple people eater himself, Scott Steiner... " WCW
SUCKS!" It's about time they admit it. Now, let's do something about it,
alright?
I'm not going to praise or knock the XFL just yet. Everybody is comparing
this to the WBF, but you've gotta remember these are two different beasts.
The only channel I ever flip through and see bodybuilding on is ESPN2,
while football is all over. I'm willing to give it a chance.
Hey Mark Madden, let's get some consistancy (wait, this is WCW)... on
Nitro you are praising 3 Count, and on WCW.com you wrote an article
entitled "3 Count Sucks." Make up your mind.
Hotmail is sooooo slow tonight!
WWF vs WCW:
WWF: What can I saw, Raw was simply awesome. Kudos to the Dallas crowd
as they were HOT, especially during the main event. It was definitely a
welcome surprise to have Too Cool and Rikishi join Cactus and the Rock,
and all ten men put on quite a show. The Dallas fans didn't sit down
during the whole match! It was fun watching Viscera slip (I know it
shouldn't be fun, but I couldn't help but laugh). Was that a WOMEN'S
WRESTLING MATCH? I forgot those existed, I thought chocolate pudding had
to be involved (not saying there is anything wrong with two babes
wrestling in chocolate pudding or anything). "Where's my football?"
WCW: Well, I really want to say something nice about Nitro. Tony does
indeed look small next to Mark Madden. Hogan's back again... well
whoopie. Let's throw him a parade or something. Better yet... let's
stick him in a feud with Lex Luger and bore the fans, like their last
couple of feuds. Sting can come back and help Hogan, only to turn on him
and join Lex, only to have Lex turn on him for the 832nd time! Does WCW
even have any women to go for a women's title? I know there is Madusa and
her two huge boobs, Sherri Martel, Asya, and Midnight. Who else gets to
wrestle for the title, the Nitro Girls (go Chae) and the nWo Girls?
THE 2000 R.S.P-W AWARDS
I did cast my vote in the 1999 "Benoit rules, Jericho is cool, and HOGAN
SUCKS" awards, but when I cut and paste the ballot, Hotmail screwed it up.
I never did fix my ballot where it was halfway readable for CRZ, so
hense... my vote didn't count. I do want to do my part though... so I'll
go ahead and let you know who should win in 2000. That's right... I'm
psychic. Here goes. Feel free to e-mail me your predictions.
Best Wrestler -
Chris Benoit. I personally would prefer Jericho winning, but let's face
it... Benoit is a star now. He could be WWF Champion by the time voting
ends.
Best Tag Team -
Head Cheese. Finally, Steve Blackman's personality has come back to the
WWF! Al Snow is doing the impossible... getting Blackman over. Now they
can both showcase their skills and maybe even get Al a title that isn't
falling apart! If nothing else, he can call himself Alvina and win the
Women's title in a snowbunny match.
Best Heel -
Triple H. "That Triple H - he o-vah, big time." No bad guy gets a charge
out of the fans like HHH, and I don't see that stopping as long as he's in
battles with Mick Foley, The Rock, and... oh, I don't know... Mr. McMahon?
Best Babyface -
The Rock. As much as I want Jericho to win this (and he could), The Rock
is OVER and the fans are snatching up that merchandise and chanting along.
I wouldn't turn him heel and stop that until they quit doing it.
Best Worker -
Hul... um, Chris Benoit. He'll win. He won EVERYTHING in 1999.
Best Jobber -
Barry Horowitz. How can you not vote for Horowitz, after his incredible
winning streak and getting his own t-shirt in the WWF in 1995? Of course,
this is 2000, but hey...
Best Jobber to the Stars -
Road Dogg. The fans will get tired of him trying to be a face while he's
a heel, McMahon will notice, and he'll be jobbing on Jakked/Metal before
you know it.
Best Flyer -
The Hardy Boyz. I would say Matt or Jeff, but one of them might injure
themselves during the year (probably Jeff) and that would ruin my pick.
Both are simply amazing to watch, and after another ladder match and a
Hell in a Cell in 2000, they will be the best flyers EVER. Period.
Best Technical -
Dean Malenko. Hey, he's the man of 1,000 holds (sure, Jericho has 1,004,
but why argue?). He's in the WWF now where he can shine.
Best Brawler -
The Undertaker. I envision 'Taker coming back and totally dominating,
leading up to a co-main event match against Kane at SummerSlam or shortly
after.
Most Favourite -
I feel Canadian with that "u" in there. Us folks from Georgia aren't used
to that stuff. Oh well, must be bilingual. Just for the record, I have
nothing against Canadians. How else could I explain Jericho being my
favorite wrestler, and Owen being one of my all-time favorites? Oh
yeah... the award. The winner is Chris Jericho. Jericho is over as well,
and as long as he doesn't start jumping onto the barricades into the fans
again, he'll still be over.
Most Improved -
Lane & Idol. Just give them TV time and they'll light up the screen. I
say give them Blow Pops and let them go back to their total old gimmicks.
Most Overrated -
Sleep. And besides that, DUH... Hulk Hogan. Good thing for Hulk that
Vince helped make him a star in the '80s, or he wouldn't have his great
gimmick (uh... right) today.
Best Gimmick -
Head Cheese. Any gimmick that leads Steve Blackman and Al Snow to tag
titles by King of the Ring is a keeper.
Best Move -
Well, I want to vote for "The Worm", but that won't win. I guess we'll go
with Jeff Hardy's Senton Bomb. It's amazing now and who knows what he'll
do it off of in the remainder of 2000.
Best Match -
The Hardys against the Dudleys in the Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania 2000.
It will be the greatest match of all time.
Best Feud -
Chris Jericho vs The Rock will be lighting up the WWF by September, and
each week will feature good ring work and even better interviews.
Worst Wrestler -
Tank Abbott. I'm sorry, I just can't stand the guy. Sure, he could whip
my butt in a second so I'm not going to say that to his face. The whole
"one punch, you're out" thing doesn't do it for me. Go box or something.
Worst Tag Team -
The New Age Outlaws. Heels that want to be faces. The thing is, the
Hardys, Dudleys, Edge & Christian, and Too Cool have much better tag
matches than any the Outlaws are in. By the time the voting for the 2000
awards ends, they'll be split up and probably hated.
Worst Heel -
Lex Luger. Following Hulk Hogan's fifth retirement in April, Luger will
take over by once again betraying the stupid Sting, who trusts Luger every
time.
Worst Babyface -
My balogna has a first name, it's H U L K. My balogna has a second name,
it's H O G A N.
Worst Worker -
Big T. He's gonna hurt somebody by the time 2000 ends... and prostitute
their woman, too.
Least Favourite -
X-Pac. Nobody likes him now, and he's just itching to go down another
level.
Most Deteriorated -
WCW (I know it's not eligible). Bret Hart. He was a star and now he's
slowly turning into a nothing.
Most Underrated -
Steve Blackman. DUH.
Worst Gimmick -
Konnan as a rapper. He'll be back, and he'll bring his videos with him.
Everyone will hate him, just as before.
Worst Move -
D-Von Dudley's flying head to the crotch. Especially when he did it to
Mae Young. That's just nasty.
Worst Match -
WCW's "Kennel in a Cell" between Rick Steiner and The Wall at Uncensored.
THEY RIP OFF EVERYTHING!
Worst Feud -
Madusa vs Oklahoma.
Most Disappointing News Item -
I'm not going to even try to predict something like this.
Most Obnoxious -
Mark Madden, the beloved Nitro broadcaster? Or Mike Tenay as anti-3
Count?
Best Second -
Pepe, who will return from the dead to manage Head Cheese to tag team
gold! Or Ralphus, who will return to manage Screamin' Norman Smiley.
Best Announcer -
Jim Ross, hands down.
Best Colour -
Red? Blue? Green? Oh, COLOUR... Jerry Lawler, especially since Bobby
Heenan's been demoted to Thunder.
Best Interviewee -
Chris Jericho. Every time he cuts an interview, it's funny.
Best Angle -
OK, stay with me here. The Kane with Paul Bearer is revealed to be the
Undertaker. The real Kane runs into Paul Bearer with a rental car,
bringing on not only a Kane-'Taker feud but a Kane-Austin feud as well.
Best Organization -
WWF... DUH.
Best TV Show -
Raw is War. Followed by LiveWire.
Best Major Show -
The WWF's WrestleMania 2000. Rock vs HHH vs Mankind, the Hardys vs
Dudleys in the Cell, Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko vs Edge and Christian,
Chris Jericho vs Perry Saturn... fun stuff!
Best Promotional Move -
The WWF signs Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Eddy Guerrero, and Perry Saturn
(AND NOT KONNAN).
Worst Second -
Daffney. Yeah, she's cute and all, but that screaming is ANNOYING. That,
and I see WCW doing a lame-o angle with her appearing on Jenny Jones and
getting a makeover. Only WCW would do that.
Worst Announcer -
Tony Schiavonie. THIS IS THE GREATEST NITRO IN HISTORY!
Worst Colour -
Shane McMahon, who will return to HeAT to boost ratings. He's fun to
watch in the ring, but at the broadcast table... "YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
YEAH! BOOYAH! YEAH YEAH YEAH!"
Worst Interviewee -
Stevie Ray and Big T, without question.
Worst Angle -
Hey Booker T, you can't use your T anymore, sucka! How lame is that? At
least until Daffney is on Jenny Jones getting a makeover. Which will
probably lead to Jenny Jones winning the Women's title at Road Wild from
Madusa's breasts.
Worst Organization -
I'm going to have to stick it to WCW right now. As "White Lightning"
himself said... "WCW SUCKS!"
Worst TV Show -
Thunder. It's new and improved and it STILL SUCKS.
Worst Major Show -
WCW's Uncensored. There's the "Kennel in a Cell" I told you about between
Rick Steiner and the Wall. We'll also have the return of Berlyn as he
faces Hacksaw Jim Duggan, a thrilling performance by Konnan of his new
smash hit "Odelay", Hulk Hogan against Lex Luger in a chair on a pole
match, and whomever the nWo's referee of choice is against Charles
Robinson.
Worst Promotional Move -
WCW being stupid enough to let the fantastic four go.
BLATANT PLUGS
This time, let's go with chrisjericho.com. Jericho's site is awesome, he
has a pretty-frequently updated commentary. Hey, maybe my readers can
even get me mentioned in that commentary! Go for it!
Well, that's your People's Column for this week. If you haven't made it
over to the History column yet, drop on by. See you next week!
Andy Moseley
Chae's #1 guy
[slash] wrestling
Mail the Author (PLEASE!)
Visit Andy Online 2000 - the People's Website