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Andy Moseley

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THE PEOPLE'S COLUMN

NOTE: For the usual weekly features (WWF vs WCW, People's HOF, Blatant Plugs) check out This Week in Wrestling. This is a special column and it's going to be long enough as it is. Onwards with it...

PTC... that could stand for only one thing. That's the "Parents Television Council". There's also "The People's Column." What better column than having the PTC covered in TPC? As you know, the PTC has been begging advertisers to pull advertising from WWF SmackDown!. The WWF promised to tone down the show, but apparently not enough for the PTC. Weekly on the PTC's website, they give a listing of everything they find offensive. I found some of them funny, so I decided I would share them with you. You'll find the actual PTC quote in quotation marks, followed by my comments in parentheses. Visit CRZ's various SmackDown! recaps for those weeks to get the complete story on the certain incidents. There's stuff for every SmackDown! since it became a regular show, so I guess the PTC has targeted the WWF since the beginning.



8.26.99:

"There is repeated crotch-grabbing." (I don't know if the PTC knows this, but on every single baseball game on FOX and NBC, players grab themselves. But seeing how baseball is a "real" sport, I guess that doesn't count.)



9.02.99:

"Female wrestler Chyna pulls down her shorts and sticks out her rear end. She is wearing only a g-string bikini." (That's funny, I'm pretty sure that's happened on "NYPD Blue" at least once. Or at least one one of FOX's shows.)



9.10.99:

Nothing too crazy here.



9.16.99:

"New this week, however, was an audience member simulating oral sex as the WWF Women's Champion entered the ring." (I obviously missed THAT.)



9.23.99:

"Smackdown! continues to be a cesspool of sadistic violence and obscenity - directly aimed at children, who make up a huge portion of both the studio and television audience - and who emulate the wrestlers they see as heroes." ('Directly aimed at children'... right. Cesspool... that's pretty funny.)

"During the opening video montage we are treated to scenes of chairs being slammed over people's heads and Steve Austin guzzling a couple beers and spilling them all over himself." (It took them five weeks to notice this? I'm glad they are this good at helping parents know about this! They do a great job and earn their paycheck!)



9.30.99:

"Steve Austin comes out of a locker room flipping off Triple H (his finger is digitally altered) and beats him up." (It's digitally altered... weren't you guys looking for censorship in the first place?)



10.07.99:

I didn't see anything TOO ridiculous this time.



10.14.99:

"Sexual Chocolate continued his therapy sessions for his sex addiction. After admitting to his therapist last week that he was still having incestuous relations with his sister, he changed to a male counselor because he could only think about having sex with his female counselors. This week his male counselor is gay and makes a pass at him." (Wait... wasn't Ellen a lesbian?)

"Finally, WWF parodied the public concern and growing disgust at the dangers posed by televised wrestling. One of the most vicious characters on the show, Triple H, announced he was quitting the WWF because of how dangerous it had become and how the stunts and theatrics had made it a cheap thrill show, and decried the terrible state of pro-wrestling - all as part of elaborate scheme to lure a character into a back room to beat him senseless. The mockery is particularly appalling in light of the recent incidents where children have been killed by others imitating wrestling moves." (Um... right.)



10.21.99:

"Mick Foley talks about the Rock throwing out his book: "So kind of what I'm saying is, when the Rock threw out my pride and joy, he may just as well have taken down his pants and taken a big ol' dump on Mick Foley himself." " (I'M OFFENDED!!!!!! That's horrible! Did he say "taken a big ol' dump"? I have never heard anything that bad in my life! Not even on something like "Boy Meets World", which airs at 8 p.m. on ABC in TGIF, which is aimed towards the youngins. Oh wait... now that I think of it, that HAS been said on TGIF! And didn't "Friends" air at 8 p.m. on Thursdays at one time or another? Now I know they said "take a dump" on there sometime! Alert the PTC! Get advertisers away from "Friends"!)

"The Godfather comes into the ring with his "ho train," five women who are his whores." (Could I repeat what the WWF keeps saying please? These ho's are not whores. They are "actresses." Let's see the PTC find one instance of the Godfather whoring them out.)



10.28.99:

"Wrestlers Crash and Hardcore Holly use a large scale in the ring. They hit Edge in the face with it and use it to run down Christian. The scale is their trademark, although they don't usually use it to fight. " (And this would be compared to 'Walker, Texas Ranger' where they throw knives at each other?)

"Wrestler Stevie Richards comes to his match dressed as a Chyna, a female wrestler. His "drag" outfit includes padded breasts and a thong bikini bottom." (I've got news for you guys. I remember a 'Saved By the Bell' - that aired on Saturday morning on NBC originally, which is kid heaven - where Zack dressed up as a girl for a "date" with Screech. I also remember a movie called 'Mrs. Doubtfire', which is aimed towards kids and features Robin Williams in drag. Hmmmmm.... THAT'S EVIL!)



11.04.99:

"During a video clip of events from Monday night's Raw broadcast, the Boss Man and Prince Albert throw a can of gas into the Big Show's locker room. The Big Show falls to the ground, choking and gasping for breath. The Boss Man and Prince Albert put on gas masks and go into the room and start beating and kicking the Big Show. The video ends with the Big Show on a stretcher, hooked up to an oxygen mask, still coughing and choking." (I'm pretty sure this has happened on a show that comes on around 8 or 9ish before. Probably on that "Superman" show with Teri Hatcher or something like that. Not to mention how stuff like that happened on the Ninja Turtles all the time. That Shredder... what a bad guy!)



11.11.99:

Nothing too crazy here.



11.18.99:

"The members of DX beat up two of Vince McMahon's personal assistants. One is shown bleeding from his mouth and nose and possibly his eye. The DX wrestlers laugh as they leave." (See also: any action movie shown on FOX. Or 'Cops' for that matter.)

"During the women's championship match, Jacqueline, Ivory, and Luna hit each other with broomsticks and mop handles. Ivory tries to choke Jacqueline and Luna breaks a vase or some other object made of glass over Ivory's head. The female wrestlers start to fight in a men's public restroom. Two men are urinating and Ivory is thrown at one man's feet, just behind him as he is zipping up his pants." (Just to clue you guys in, little guys walk into bathrooms and do actually see guys at urinals.)



11.25.99:

"Mae Young is shown drunk and holding a flask." (What TV show does not end up showing somebody drunk? Hello?)



12.02.99:

"During the wedding of Vince McMahon's daughter, Stephanie, and Test, Triple H interrupts and plays a video clip of he and Stephanie getting married in Las Vegas. She is passed out and the wedding takes place in his car. Triple H says to Vince McMahon, "I know that you can only have one question on your mind, dad, and that is, not did we, but how many times did we consummate the marriage." " (How many of these supposively-targeted kids even know what 'consummate' means?)

"Bubba Ray picks up Edge and yells, "Screw you." " (It's like deja vu... you can hear "screw you" on ABC's "Whose Line is it Anyway?", which just happens to air at 8 p.m. on Thursdays. Wait... THAT'S WHEN SMACKDOWN! AIRS! Consult the PTC!)



12.09.99:

"Triple H throws Shane off the platform onto a table, which breaks. Shane is shown motionless as if badly hurt. After the commercial break, the scene where Shane is thrown from the platform is replayed three times." (Once again, this would be the bias against professional wrestling. Someone on 'Walker' falls through a breakaway table every week. Same deal with SmackDown!. What's the big deal?)



12.16.99:

"Paterson wraps a chain around his hand and punches Road Dogg. Road Dogg puts on brass knuckles and punches Paterson." (Geez PTC, let's inform parents about this by spelling names wrong. That makes you look educated. How hard is Patterson to spell, anyway?)



12.23.99:

"Road Dogg's theme song wails, "Yo ass better call somebody." He wears a shirt that reads: "SUCK IT." He simulates masturbation and spits water to simulate orgasm when he enters the arena." (Are they making stuff up now? I have never once thought of Dogg spitting water being a simulation of an orgasm. I need to pay more attention to these little details that little kids will surely catch onto, I guess. After all, if a 19-year-old guy in college won't notice the sexual water spitting, surely a five-year-old will notice and immediately figure out what Dogg is doing.)



12.30.99:

"Stephanie says, "Gotta admit, it does give me some kind of pleasure to see Test getting the crap beat out of him week after week after week." (What's so offensive about that one? The Power Rangers beat the crap out of those guys in the white outfits all the time, but nobody complains about that. Heck, those cute little Pokemon throw fire at each other and stuff like that.)



1.06.00:

Eh.



1.13.00:

"Road Dogg says, "Yo' ass better call somebody." Road Dogg simulates masturbation when he comes into the arena. He shakes his body back and forth and moves his hands up and down in an exaggerated motion and spits water out of his mouth to simulate orgasm. Road Dogg's shirt says, "Suck it." Billy Gunn's clothing says, "All this... and a great ass too. Mr. Ass." The crowd twice chants, "Suck it." (Geez, now they are going into details of the simulated masturbation/orgasm.)

"The Godfather comes out with his "ho train," four female prostitutes." (They are "actresses." That has been pointed out on WWF TV.)



Well, that's the TPC look at the PTC. I'll reserve any further comments, but I would love to hear any of your comments. Tell me if I'm justified in my comments, or if the PTC is justified in theirs.

Enjoy This Week in Wrestling!

Andy Moseley
Chae's guy
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission