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Andy Moseley

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THE PEOPLE'S COLUMN

Hi and welcome to the People's Column. I'm your party host Andy, and this week... WWF vs WCW, a look at "specialty" matches leading into the Triple Threat Theater at Souled Out, and a People's Hall of Fame entry. Am I forgetting something this week? Seems like so little. Maybe I am... and maybe it's for the better. I'll end with the Blatant Plugs, since that's the way to go nowadays.

First, I got three whole e-mails last week! That's some kind of a record. Interestingly enough, only one was about the People's Column. The other two... all about the Bushwhackers. I have been corrected (I told you last week I was wrong). When the 'Whackers used to rub their noses together, it wasn't called "a boingy"... it's a "hongie"! Duh! It's all coming back to me now! Time to thank those who helped unstump me. First, there's Sam Zimmerman, who knew this thanks to two t-shirts he won on the WWF Hotline back in 1995. Then, there's Hayley, who's from all the way over in Wellington, New Zealand. That's awesome, I have international readers! Also, thanks to "PeteyH", aka Steve Androsia, who actually liked my Conan-rip off last week and also watches the Simpsons. Thanks readers! You should be seeing the actual letters next time I get overloaded with homework and studying and have to do "The People's Letters" again.

Speaking of the Simpsons... I think I already told y'all that the FOX affiliate from Jacksonville shows them at 5:00 and 5:30. Well, last year our cable company decided to pick up a FOX affiliate from Savannah (I think) and put it up on channel 95, in the middle of the Playboy PPV channel and a channel of absolutely nothing. Why? So we could see all of the Falcons games. Gee... THANKS A LOT. Anyway, I discovered this one shows the Simpsons at 6:30 and 7:00! Coolness.

I caught the rerun of Stone Cold on Conan O'Brien last night (between commercial breaks of "Jerry Springer" - no, I don't usually watch Jerry... but it was 12:30 and I couldn't sleep yet, OK?). I enjoyed it for what it was. It's always fun seeing a guy in a coat and tie pouring a beer all over his face and outfit.

In something that has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling, here's how my college schedule looks for this spring semester. I guess, if nothing else, you'll know why I might occassionally miss a column.

Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays:
9-9:50 a.m. - U.S. History II
11-11:50 a.m. - English Composition II
12-1:50 p.m. - Biology Lab (Monday only)
2-2:50 p.m. - Journalism (M/W only)

Tuesdays/Thursdays:
8-9:15 a.m. - Healthy Living Concepts
9:30-10:45 a.m. - Principles of Biology I

Sounds like a BLAST, doesn't it? Well, at least I'm done on May 5th following that week full of finals. Well, there's not a final for Journalism or Healthy Living Concepts... that will help. I guess. You watch... I'll STILL end up with a final at 7 a.m. one day. Probably on a Monday.

OK, enough of my so-called life (wasn't that a TV show?). Here's the usual features! Hurray! Yippee!

WWF vs WCW:

WWF: Was it just me, or was Rikishi WAY OVER on Smackdown! Thursday night? The fans went wild. And I admit it... so did I. I've become such a Too Cool & Rikishi fan. Even though I'm a big HHH fan too, I would have gone absolutely nuts ("marked out") if Rikishi would have somehow won the WWF Title. Oh well. With the New Age Outlaws arguing, it seems like a good time for a Too Cool title reign, now doesn't it? ... Raw was good again this week. Chris Jericho would be the king forever if he would call The Kat by "Ernest Miller" in an interview one week ... I was diggin' that move Steve Blackman did when he swung the Hardy by his legs into the steps. Heck, I'm diggin' this whole thing with Blackman and the only real athlete in the World Wrestling Federation, Olympic gold metalist Kurt Angle ... WWF.com finally put up the Too Cool TitanTron! ... Barbara Bush looks like she has no brain at all. Does she ever have any expressions or is she like some Barbie (hey... Barbara... Barbie...) doll? But hey, she has big boobs so she'll last in the WWF ... I don't remember seeing Moolah & Mae Henry on Raw - that's a good thing.

WCW: I hate saying this, but two hours of Nitro is no better than three. I have to admit the DDP-Bagwell interview was OK and the opening three way tag match was OK (David Flair's music has to go though), but the whole legends thing wasn't all that great ... Then again, Big Poppa Pump's redhead was quite nice. I love redheads ... Did Piper disappear? Please? ... I sure did miss my weekly dose of the comedy hour featuring Big Vito, Johnny the Bull, and Disco Inferno - notice the sarcasm there ... Is it just me, or does Ed Ferrera just barely miss the cruiserweight weight limit?

GIMMICKS, GIMMICKS, GIMMICKS

That's three gimmicks! Anyway, this Sunday at "Souled Out" it's the big Triple Threat Theater between JJ and Chris Benoit. This got me thinking (or maybe it's college since I HAVE to think for that)... what other "classic" gimmick matches have we seen? Then I thought... HEY! LET'S MAKE A LIST! So I did. It's like that show on VH1... but not quite. First, a list of the matches from 1999. Then, a list of every match not used in 1999 by that particular federation all the way back to January 1990. This just list the matches that happened on PPV. Here we go, the good, the bad, and the stupid.

1999:
WCW: Loser Wears a Dress (Jericho vs Saturn), Ladder/Taser Match (Goldberg vs Hall), Harlem Streetfight (Stevie Ray vs Vince), Handicap Match (numerous), Hardcore Match (numerous), Lumberjack Match (Benoit/Malenko vs Hennig/B. Windham), Dog Collar Match (Jericho vs Saturn), Falls Count Anywhere (numerous), Junkyard Invitational (won by Fit Finlay), Boxing Match (Piper vs Bagwell), Retirement Match (Hogan vs Nash), Loser Leaves Town (Hennig vs Bagwell), Ladder Match (Jarrett vs Benoit), Powerbomb Match (Nash vs Vicious).

WWF: Harcore Match (numerous), Strap Match (Sable vs Luna, HHH vs Rock), "I Quit" Match (Rock vs Mankind), Last Man Standing Match (Rock vs Mankind), Steel Cage (numerous), Brawl For All (Bart vs Butterbean), Hell in a Cell ('Taker vs Boss Man), Boiler Room Brawl (Mankind vs Show), Ladder Match (McMahons vs Austin, Hardys vs Edge/Christian), "Iron Circle" Match (Blackman vs Shamrock), Tag Team Turmoil (won by the Acolytes), Lion's Den Match (Blackman vs Shamrock), Greenwich Streetfight (Shane vs Test), Kennel >From Cell Match (Snow vs Boss Man), Good Housekeeping Match (Chyna vs Jarrett), Evening Gown Match in a Pool (Jacqueline vs BB vs Ivory vs Miss Kitty)

Past Years' Craziness (match types not listed above):
WCW: Bat Match (Hogan/Nash vs Piper/Giant), Death Match (Savage vs DDP), Mexican Death Match - hey, that's different than just ANY Death Match (Konnan vs Ron Jr.), San Fransisco Death Match - they just keep getting better! (Sullivan vs Benoit), Submission Match (Ice Train vs Norton), Carson City Silver Dollar Match (John Tenta vs Bubba Rogers), Taped Fist Match (Duggan vs DDP, Duggan vs Bubba, B. Windham vs Pillman), Double Dog Collar Match (Nastys vs Public Enemy), Chicago Streetfight (Sting/Booker T vs Road Warriors), "Doomsday" Steel Cage Match (Hogan/Savage vs Flair/Anderson/Sullivan/Lugar/Barabrian/THEMONSTERMENG/Z-Gangsta/Ultimate Solution), Monster Truck Battle (Giant vs Hogan), Arm Wrestling Contest (DDP vs Dave Sullivan), Lights-Out Match (Sting vs Bubba), "King of the Road" Match (Dustin vs Blacktop Bully), Martial Arts Match (THEMONSTERMENG! vs Duggan), Boxer vs Wrestler (Anderson vs Johnny B. Badd), Texas Tornado (Nastys vs Heat), Loser Leaves WCW (Sullivan vs Cactus Jack), Bunkhouse Match (Dustin vs Bunkhouse Buck), Chicago Street Fight (Nastys vs Cactus/Maxx Payne, Road Warriors vs Skyscrapers), Thundercage (numerous), "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" Match (Sting vs Roberts, Vader vs Cactus), Bounty Match (Sting vs the Prisoner), "White Castle of Fear" Strap Match (Sting vs Vader), "Ironman Challenge" Match (Dustin vs Rude, Steamboat vs Rude), "Chamber of Horrors" Match (Sting/Steiners/El Gigante vs Abdullah/Cactus/Vader/Diamond Studd), Russian Chain Match (Sting vs Koloff), Stretcher Match (El Gigante vs Vicious), Bullrope Match (Luger vs Hansen), Hair vs Hair (Ellering vs Teddy Long), Corporal Punishment Match (R&R Express vs Freebirds),

WWF: Loser Strips (Goldust vs Jarrett - Debra strips), "Buried Alive" Match (Austin vs 'Taker, Mankind vs 'Taker), Hair vs Hair (X-Pac vs Jarrett), "Dungeon" Match (Owen vs Shamrock), First Blood (Austin vs Kane), Evening Gown Match - without a pool (Sable vs Luna), Inferno Match ('Taker vs Kane), Dumpster Match (Outlaws vs Funk/Cactus), Casket Match (numerous), Boot Camp Match (HHH vs Slaughter), Tough Man Match (Mero vs Butterbean), Flag Match (Bret/Bulldog vs Vader/Patriot), Chicago Street Fight (LOD/Ahmed vs Crush/Faarooq/Savio), Armageddon Match (Undertaker vs Executioner), Caribbean Strap Match - that's different from just ANY strap match (Savio vs Austin), Hollywood Backlot Brawl (Goldust vs Piper), Iron Man Match (Bret vs Michaels), Crybaby Match (Ramon vs Kid), Arkansas Hog Pen Match (HHH vs HOG), Lumberjack Match (Sid vs Diesel), Kiss My Foot Match (Bret vs Lawler), Towel Match (Bret vs Mr. Backlund), "Rest in Peace" Match (Undertaker vs Giant Gonzalez), Nightstick Match (Boss Man vs Nailz), Winners Gets the Indian Feathers Match (Tatanka vs Martel), Losers Goes to Jail Match (Boss Man vs Mountie), Blindfold Match (Roberts vs Martel), Retirement Match (Savage vs Warrior).

OK, who's had the worse gimmicks? On one hand, WCW has brought us the White Castle of Fear match, a Martial Arts match (which is OK... but since when was Hacksaw Jim Duggan a master of karate?), and the infamous King of the Road Match. On the other hand, the WWF has brought us a match that resulted in Goldust being stripped down to his bra and panties (the King didn't yell "Bra and panties! Bra and panties!", by the way) and that Kennel in a Cell disaster. On the other hand, we all know how cool ladder matches are, and I thought the "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" was cool. Well, I guess we'll see what great gimmick matches we end up with in 2000.

By the way, does anyone else remember reading somewhere where JR (I think) wrote something about this big round cage with fire and a pit and stuff? Maybe it's just me. Somebody go check the Ross Report archives and the old "Ragin' Ross" columns.

In case you are wondering, I left out the Royal Rumble, Lethal Lottery (Buzzkill and Mike Rotundo - groan... PG-13 - GROAN), War Games, and Survivor Series style matches since they are annual events that surround (or surrounded) a PPV.

THE PEOPLE'S HALL OF FAME

This is the first time EVER someone who never wrestles has made it into the Hall of Fame (well, besides the Spanish announce table). Please welcome the newest People's Hall of Famer...

Tim White!

Yep, referee Timmy White... 'cause he always gets to dance with the ho's.

BLATANT PLUGS

First off, I'm joining the campaign in the pro-VinceRusso.com thing. It's a funny site and I see nothing wrong with it. It's just making fun, get a life guys. Britney Spears isn't shutting down all of her anti-Britney sites. And how many anti-sites do the Backsteet Boyz have? Russo and gang... all publicity helps get people to pay attention to you.

Plug #2 goes to my very own website, with the link down there at the bottom somewheres. You can find my [slash] column archives, plus ancient recaps I have written on Raw, Nitro, Smackdown!, Shotgun, and more. My two best recaps were the '96 and '97 Slammys, which I wrote earlier this year. Go pay my site a visit... and sign the guestbook PLEASE! I'm beggin' ya!

Speaking of which, I'm beggin' ya for e-mail! I'm very happy with three. But when I look at CRZ and Michaelangelo doing their letters, I get depressed. I get three... they get three hundred. Sigh...

Well, that's your People's Column for this week. I leave you with a few words of inspiration from Dr. Evil... "We do not knaw on our kitties."

Andy Moseley
Chae's guy
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author (PLEASE!)
Visit Andy Online 2000 - the People's Website

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission