You are here /wrestling
/guests
/Moseley
Guest Columns

Andy Moseley

Main

BLAH

THE PEOPLE'S COLUMN

Hi and hello and welcome to the People's Column. I'm your party host Andy and this week, we're getting futuristic! But first, it's time for a makeover (it's just like Ricki Lake... except better).

I decided to do a few little things to tweek this column. First, you'll notice the absence of "I Get Letters Too." I decided to start stockpiling all of my letters for the next time I can't do a column and have to do a "People's Letters" instead. That could be anytime soon, seeing how the spring semester kicks off Friday and I have Biology AND College Algebra AND U.S. History AND English II. Not to mention I don't get another day without class (not counting weekends) until spring break the last week of March. So that's gone now... but not forgotten. And I do actually answer my e-mail, even if it takes me a while at times.

Also changed is "Raw vs Nitro." I decided to expand it to "WWF vs WCW" just so I could talk about a little of everything. But there is that one constant... "The People's Hall of Fame" is staying the same.

Thanks for all of the feedback on the Best of the People's Column. I'm going to take this time to thank every single person for sending me feedback on it... so thanks, Michaelangelo. Go read "Good, Bad, and Ugly" and "The Expansion Column" immediately after you finish my two columns.

Also a belated thanks to CRZ for giving me the little red slash. And thanks to Mr. T for saying I deserve the slash and all of the plugs he and the gang give me. Go read "Don't Quote Me on That" (which was EXCELLENT this week) immediately after reading my two columns and Michaelangelo's column. And CRZ's recaps. Just wondering... what happened to my Chae picture that used to grace this column that I used to love? (Ummm...I'm too lazy to dig up the URL again? I dunno - bother me about this later - CRZ)

CRZ's not the only one who had a wrestling-themed Christmas! I pulled in my fair share (not THAT much, but a fair share) myself. First and foremost was "Have a Nice Day!" (I haven't gotten my copy of "I'm Fired!" yet). It is as good as everyone says it is. And I'm not so sure that was X-Pac playing Mankind on Raw in the movies. Mankind said Mideiaon does a dead-on impression of him, and when I took a close look at "Mankind's" face when nobody was coming for the book signing, it did look like the hog farmer. Hmmmm...

I also got one of those spiffy WWF day-by-day calendars (and an "Austin Powers" one... and a baseball facts one... and a "Far Side" one... I KNOW THE DATE!). So far, I've learned about Mr. McMahon, Shawn Michaels being a military brat, Terri Runnels and Val Venis in their love connection, Mankind winning the title on Raw, and that the Hardys sew their own costumes. I, too, hit it fairly big in the wrestling bean bag category, getting the Attitude bears of DX and The Rock. I also ended up with one of those big plastic bottles filled with popcorn complete with Greenberg's face on it. We can't forget about the beloved Y2J shirt, either! How about "The Best of Raw Vol. 1?" It was OK at best... let's rename it the "Best of Raw '98-99 Vol. 1" because apparently the show didn't exist back in January 1993. And that's about it.

Finally, in a local-themed tidbit... Ray Lloyd (you know, Glacier and Coach Buzz Stern) was named one of the century's 25 best athletes from the Brunswick area. OK, he was 25th... but what do you expect with people like Davis Love, III, on the list? And did you know The Rock's friend Wade Boggs was born here and quickly moved away?

OK, enough of this. Let's move on.

WWF vs WCW

WWF: Raw was entertaining as usual this week. I'm happy HHH won the title back, even though the Big Show is improving. Stephanie gets hotter every week. "Have a BAD Day!" was hilarious, I admit it. I enjoy cheesy stuff like that... and HHH's little foreign voice when he was working at the children's hospital was hilarious. How long are they going to delay bringing in Cactus Jack? And did anyone else crack up when the "X-Pac sucks" chant started? Scotty Too Hotty is always out of sync in the big dance, but it's still fun... even if Rakishi's glasses weren't available this week. I think the whole I-C title thing sucks (Jericho deserves the belt!) but this could provide us with some top-quality backstage interviews. I'm starting to miss Vincent K. and Shane. But not Linda. As far as the Eve of Destruction, I saw the replay after HeAT and it was so-so. I got to see the good spots from the No Mercy ladder match (I STILL haven't gone to Blockbuster and rented the thing), the ever-great Hell in a Cell (no, not Bossman vs Undertaker... and not the Kennel in a Cell either), McMahon vs Austin, and so on. And I actually expected the Y2J thing at the end, so HA.

WCW: Nitro was blah this week. It's great it's down to two hours because three was getting to be unbearable. But they have got to do something good. David Flair and Crowbar as tag champs? The referee just letting the Nash/Steiner vs PG-13 match to go right after DDP obviously took them out? That weak shot Sid gave Bret with the hot dog thing (I don't know what is was and I really don't care)? And why have Terry Funk as commissioner - even though I do respect the guy - when everyone obviously wants Ric Flair? Hey... at least it wasn't Jo Jo Dillon or Roddy Piper or Eric Bischoff. After Tony or whoever said Flair's name I knew it wouldn't be him, but I was kinda hoping for Dusty Rhodes... just for the interviews. When Sky (excuse me, Mrs. Hancock - gee, wonder what THAT's supposed to mean?) entered the Nitro Girl Competition, did she think she would actually be dancing on Nitro? Hey, I'm diggin' Standards & Practices though, maybe just because I think Lenny and Lodi work well together (even though they were cooler when they were actually Lenny and Lodi). And just for the record... I would take Chae being a cheerleader of Leia Meow (who isn't bad) anyday. Heck... I'll take Chae doing anything on Nitro at this point (at least she's in the opening credits). I saw the last hour of the "Best of Nitro" before Nitro this week, and it was so so. Too much talking between our great four hosts in my opinion. At least they did attempt to remind us of their beginnings, unlike a certain "Best of" videotape for that other show.

IN THE YEAR 2000...

For those of you who occassionally tune in to "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" like I do, you might have heard that before. Conan and the other Andy do this little thing where they make predictions for things that could happen in the year 2000 and beyond. So why don't I do it and look totally stupid? This will be either very cool or very lame... basically, just like the People's Column every week. And just to warn you, I might stray from wrestling a little.

In the year 2000, X-Pac will go away.

In the year 2000, Road Dogg will come up with new material.

In the year 2000, Mick Foley will win the WWF Title at WrestleMania and then retire on top, getting a standing ovation.

In the year 2000, Miss Kitty will lose her title and her top (it won't be scripted... just like last time)... not a bad thing either way.

In the year 2000, Kurt Angle will win the European Title and have a long reign.

In the year 2000, Edge and Christian will finally win the tag titles at WrestleMania.

In the year 2000, Too Cool will win the titles the next night on Raw and hold them forevermore.

In the year 2000, the WWF WILL produce a bobbin' head doll of D'Lo Brown.

In the year 2000, Chyna will go back with HHH and they will dominate the world title scene.

In the year 2000, Viscera will find some skanky lookin' ho's and be the evil pimp he was supposed to be.

In the year 2000, "Raw is Luv" as Kane marries Tori... with Brother Love officiating. Then Paul Bearer will reveal himself as Tori's father too and chaos ensues.

In the year 2000, X-Pac will go away.

In the year 2000, Chris Jericho will dominate the I-C title division.

In the year 2000, Harvey Wippleman will somehow win the women's title... because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WWF!

In the year 2000, the Hardys and Edge & Christian will go at it in the greatest Hell in a Cell in history... with ladders.

In the year 2000, the Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards will be the tag team to beat... on Heat.

In the year 2000, the ghost of Pierre will return and start talking to Al Snow via Head.

In the year 2000, there will be a "Stone Cold Classical" CD, following up the success of "Stone Cold Metal" and "Stone Cold Country."

In the year 2000, Chae will realize her love for me and the story goes from there.

In the year 2000, DDP will forget the word "scum."

In the year 2000, Ron Misterio, Jr., will go country.

In the year 2000, X-Pac will go away.

In the year 2000, Konnan will lose his voice and find a belt.

In the year 2000, Jeff Jarrett will kabong Tony Schiavonie with the gee-tar.

In the year 2000, Tony will still be at the broadcast table the next week.

In the year 2000, Lenny and Lodi will get rid of the suits, get those purple pants back, and give Blow Pops to everyone.

In the year 2000, Norman Smiley will continue to dominate the Hardcore division.

In the year 2000, a riot will ensue as every teenage guy in the area will try to trample 3 Count.

In the year 2000, Vader will return to WCW... and job immediately to Ron and/or Don Harris.

In the year 2000, Vince Russo will appear on camera by Spring Stampede.

In the year 2000, Sting will eventually come back as the blonde surfer-cut, bright face painted guy... and job immediately to the Total Package and/or Elizabeth.

In the year 2000, Sting will also be tricked by Elizabeth... AGAIN.

In the year 2000, the Package will switch between face and heel 12 times... down 8 from 1999.

In the year 2000, X-Pac will go away.

In the year 2000, the WCW movie will suck. BIG TIME.

In the year 2000, Hulk Hogan will return to WCW again... and it will be THE PRETZELS!

In the year 2000, the first annual Owen Hart Memorial Show will be televised on USA.

In the year 2000, ICP will say they are going to WCW ten times and the WWF eight times... and appear once.

In the year 2000, the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Henry WILL RETIRE. Or else both appear pregnant on Raw one night.

In the year 2000, there will be clips on Nitro of Lash LeRoux and Disco Inferno being chased around by Big Vito and Johnny the Bull at Mardi Gras, and everybody there laughing at them acting like complete idiots.

In the year 2000, Hardcore Holly will win the Hardcore title and bring some attention back to it, because it seems to have been buried along with the Big Show's dad.

In the year 2000, Gillberg will make his yearly appearance on Smackdown!, losing but keeping his streak as lightheavyweight champ intact.

In the year 2000, Debra will return. But ONLY if Austin is on the show.

In the year 2000, Sid will start the record for the NEXT millennium.

In the year 2000, we'll be treated to a live performance by the Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea right at 9:00, prompting a ratings surge for the Raw opening credits.

In the year 2000, Droz will make a 150% recovery.

In the year 2000, Chris Candido & Tammy Sytch will return to the WWF and Tammy will be the babe she once was.

In the year 2000, Chae will defeat Madusa to win the cruiserweight title and then totally dominate the division and bring in monster ratings for Nitro... until she wrestles Spice, who - even though she is easy on the eyes - can't wrestle a lick.

In the year 2000, Chris Benoit will win the world title.

In the year 2000, WCW will continue to sign people from the WWF's past that nobody cared about the first time (see also: PG-13 and Clarence Mason). Among the list... Duke Droese, Samu - and yes, he'll be a remake of Rikishi, Brutus Beefcake - AGAIN, Ludvig Borga, Bastion Booger, and Jack Tunney.

In the year 2000, I will end this because it's going ON AND ON AND ON AND ON (isn't that a song by that Badu woman with the Marge Simpson hair?).

THE PEOPLE'S HALL OF FAME

This week, it's a deserving addition (what, Xanta Klaus wasn't deserving?). You guys (OK, one of you guys) requested him way back when, and he's in. Congrats to D'Lo Brown... you are in the prestigious People's Hall of Fame... right next to Xanta and a few steps down from the Fink.

BLATANT PLUG

Hey, go check out my website (there's a scrumdiddlyumptious link down at the bottom) for my slash column archives. You can also find the archives to my show recaps (when I actually had time to do them) and you can see why I will never be in CRZ or Hyatte's position.

OK, that's your column for the week. I'll be back next Wednesday for the extravaganza that will be the People's Column.

One final question... does everybody who writes a wrestling column watch "The Simpsons?" Personally, I watch the two reruns at 5 and 5:30 daily on our local FOX affiliate and then totally forget about the new 8:00 show on Sundays. Oh well.

Hey, why don't you drop your chalupa and e-mail me? You could star in the next "People's Letters!" Or if nothing else, you will know that you have made my day by actually giving me feedback (like some of my fellow columnists do who's names both start with a "M" and have been plugged once already... even though I never seem to offer much feedback myself). In other words... don't do as I do, do as I say. Or something. In other words.... PLEASE E-MAIL ME! Hasta.

Andy
Chae's numbero uno man
Jerichoholic
The People's Columnist
Geez, how many things do I want to put down here?
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author (PLEASE!)
Visit Andy Online 2000 - the People's Website

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission