Finally, The People's Column has come back to [slash] wrestling! Sorry about the lack of a column last week. I was unexpectedly away from my computer. As far as "The People's Letters" the week before, I had finals that were overwhelming me. This is your first great column in three weeks!

This is also your final high school football update of the century! Brunswick High won their Georgia Dome semifinals game against Parkview two Saturdays ago, moving them on to the state championship. Then for the state championship over in Valdosta (yes, I was there), we lost to Lowndes. Yes, it's disappointing... but we made it there! We were also ranked #10 in USA Today's national rankings. Pirates rock!

I Get Letters Too is on hiatus this week, due to mainly not getting any letters that I know of (I probably lost them all).

I can't believe it's already the one year anniversary of Raw is Porn! And now Nitro is Porn too! And doesn't that guy who writes notes working for the company with that three hour Nitro is Porn show? Hey...

RAW vs NITRO

Raw is Christmas - Actually, I'm typing this column in the middle of watching Raw so I can't really say yet. Right now we are right at the beginning of the Outlaws vs Test and his noseguard, so read CRZ's Raw Recap to find ought all about it. I'm diggin' the idea of Moolah and Mae Henry getting beat into retirement (again) by the Acolytes and the Dudleys. I see the chemistry between Teri Hatcher and that guy from FOX NFL (I don't know his name... I'm a baseball guy, OK? But I think it's Howie Long... ha). I really got a kick out of the Santa-Mankind boiler room brawl. You gotta love at the beginning of the Y2J-Godfather match where Jericho was acting like he was going to throw his shirt into the fans but then shrugged it off. Maybe Miss Kitty should have been in the holiday topless top rope match. X-Pac and Tori... could be interesting. Could we be seeing the DX version of Pillman's XXX Files?

Nitro is Shiznit - What's the deal with Nash's big ol' speech? Somebody get the guy a bar of soap for that potty mouth of his. I hope Bret Hart's kids weren't watching! And could WCW have screwed up doing the Hart screwjob anymore than they did with FOUR referees at Starrcade? Well, I've seen the first hour and so far I'm not impressed with Monday Russo. It's good they didn't go through with Hacksaw denouncing America or all would be wrong with the world. Where was the great Maestro and the Artist Formerly Known as Prince Albert (excuse me... Iaukea) in the first hour? Huh? Ratings, Russo! We want the Artist and the Maestro! So the band is back together... as long as it stays with just Bret, JJ, and the Outsiders, this could be cool. As long as every guy and his brother don't join (and Bischoff doesn't return), this could be cool.

HO HO HO

It's Christmas time (duh), and as I sit here and naush (is that a word?) on an Orange Crush candy cane, I decided to go with the easy column idea. Here's what I would give wrestling's top stars for the holidays. Enjoy, send feedback, and I'll make it into a column next week! Just kidding... I'll write my own material two weeks in a row!

For Chae... me! What did you expect?

For Disco Inferno and Lash LeRoux... a new angle... PLEASE! It was fun for a few weeks, then they went with the feathering and it's gone downhill from there.

For Konnan... anything but a new record contract. Maybe some vegetables so he'll shut up about them.

For Ron Misterio, Jr... Chris Jericho giving his mask back. And a belt.

For Buzzkill... the baby seals being saved. Come on, he wants them saved! Peace, man! Make love not war!

For Berlyn... A night out in the clubs so he can loosen up and dance again.

For Rick Steiner... we can only start with obedience school I guess since he is determined that he has to bark.

For Chris Benoit... repeat late 1999.

For The Total Package... everybody losing their memories, because that's the only way anyone will ever halfway believe that he's going to be trustable for more than a month.

For Bret Hart... an angle not including the word "screwed."

For Hulk Hogan... a room in the old folks' home next to Grandpa Simpson.

For Greenberg... he's Jewish, so he probably doesn't want anything for Christmas. Maybe a harmonica for this happy, happy Hanukkah.

For Ric Flair... a position at an announce table or the spot as WCW commissioner.

For The Godfather... he already has them, and they are the title of this section of the column.

For Midian... some more farm animals I guess.

For Fabulous Moolah and Mae Henry... a trip to anywhere that will not be broadcast on television.

For Too Cool... tag titles and five minutes to dance to bring the ratings up to 12.7's.

For Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley... hey, I'll take her.

For Ivory... a new scarf, preferably not purple.

For the Hollys... some true superheavyweight competition.

For the New Age Outlaws... new catchphrases for the Dogg and something to keep his tights from showing off his glutimus maximus. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE IT.

For the Hardys... more matches against Edge and Christian.

For Edge and Christian... more matches against the Hardys.

For The Rock... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SANTA BRINGS HIM, because he's going to shine it up real nice, turn it sideways...

For the British Bulldog... peace with Bret Hart.

For Chyna... just a thumbs up!

For Jeff Jarrett... a world title and a continued great push!

For Vince Russo... a trip TOTALLY OFF CAMERA. He said he was going to stay off camera... but isn't that his arm? And I recognize that voice that made it ON CAMERA...

For Ed "Oklahoma" Ferrera... may he choke on JR's BBQ sauce.

For Mankind... a continued bestseller and a happy, but still on-screen, retirement.

For Mark Henry... um... I think if I was him, I would be praying for Santa to bring me a hot, young woman instead of the dinosaur.

For Triple H... it doesn't matter what I would give him, his happy McMahon family has plenty of dinero to spend on those expensive Greenwich gifts.

For Steve Austin... a great recovery but maybe some way to stay out of the main events constantly.

For Rikishi Fatu... he already has the dancing agility, what else does he need? I know! His own goggles.

For D'Lo Brown... a new chest protector, I miss that old thing. And the WWF finally putting a D'Lo bobbing head doll in the ShopZone... that would easily be a great seller!

For Gangrel... a return to the upper midcarding on Raw. I miss that cool entrance.

For Chris Jericho... just the push continuing up to him winning the world title in the middle of the ring on Raw is Jericho, followed by the referee raising his arm not once but twice.

For The Big Show... out of the stupid angle with the Boss Man that gets worse and worse and more lame by the week.

For Eric Bischoff... maybe he could be Vince McMahon's janitor in the same way that Hacksaw is Russo's janitor.

For Steve Blackman... the return of the glow sticks.

For Al Snow and the Boss Man... no more Kennel in a Cell matches.

For ICP... a trip away from any televised wrestling federation. Ditto for Master P, KISS, the guy from Mad TV, and anybody else who is a celebrity. Except Jim Carrey dressed as Andy Kaufmann.

For Lenny and Lodi... a return to TV. And more Blow Pops.

For Ray Lloyd (Glacier/Coach Buzz Stern)... a return at least to Thunder. Hey, he graduated from Brunswick High so I have to give the guy some props.

For Droz... a 150% recovery.

For Test... some kind of device to keep his nose from being broken at least for two straight weeks.

For Ernest Miller... the Cat-Bo commercials coming back.

For Kevin Nash... a new sense of humor.

For Mr. T (the slash columnist, not the guy who had his own cereal)... Mini-Me (itty bitty) as his new neighbor.

For CyanIndigo and Michaelangelo... a marriage on Raw is Luv (but which [slash] columnist is going to play the part of HHH?)

For the rest of my fellow columnists... as the poodle woman says in the "Magic: The Gathering" commercial... MAIL CALL!

For CRZ... Spice. But only if I get Chae. (Can DO, dude! - CRZ)

THE PEOPLE'S HALL OF FAME

One inductee this week, and who else deserves it around Christmas but this guy? He made his debut at a December In Your House years back and tore the house down. He was a true superstar (on Superstars... I don't even remember seeing one of his matches). And he dressed like Santa! The king of the holiday gimmicks... congrats to Xanta Klaus!

That's the column for this week. I must go watch the holiday topless top rope match. Have a great Christmas and I'll see you next week for "The Best of The People's Column & This Week in Wrestling History"!