Evan Better Than The Real Thing, but Surely Can't Hold a Candle to the Comedic Sports Entertainment Genuis of Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo - mdb Books Quite Possibly the Last Nitro to Ever be Even Remotely Worth Watching

Can you tell I'm not thrilled with the return of Eric and Vinny-Roo?

I would like it known that it wasn't until CRZ wrote in last week's Thunder report:

that the decision to callback Russo was made. So when you're watching WCW and you're wondering where all the wrestling went and why things have gotten so stupid, just remember CRZ wanted it that way. (Too bad Zimm, I'd have gotten you in on a cushy 6 figure deal to help put together clip packages seeing as how you're all into full transcripts and historical records, you'd be perfect for it.) (D'oh! - CRZ)

And I wouldn't consider it a WCW JOB since I equate jobs with work and booking Nitro is just too easy to be work.

Still, this may be my last fantasy Nitro booking. My point has always been that Nitro was always just a few tweeks away from being a decent show each week. With Vinnie-Roo taking over, I imagine it will be impossible to rebook the show and have it resemble anything shown the night before. Russo thinks wrestling fans want Dumb and Dumber, I'm more partial to films like Bridge on the River Kwai & Patton. Instead of doing reality-based rebooking (ie here's how WCW should have done what they did last night) I'd be forced into complete fantasy booking (ie forget everything that happened last night). I mean, Chavo an Amway salesman? Vampiro watching Jerry Only wrestle Dr. Death? Oklahoma and Medusa as cruiserweight champs? There's nothing to do with that kind of booking but junk it: ignore it, pretend it never happened. Drive a stake in the heart, burn it, bury it, and pray it never rises from the dead again. So, perhaps for the last time, here's a short version of how I think Nitro should have gone this week. It's short because fantasy booking is more pointless than normal this week and my heart's not really into it.

Footage of Hogan partying with fans from the night before. Clips from last week's Nitro and Thunder Hogan action. Shots of Hogan saving Hennig, shots of Jarrett and Steiner, shots of Sid. Tony does a voiceover explaining that Hogan is fighting the nWo and his partner last week turned on him but tonight he's got another former nWoer, Curt Hennig, who will team with him.

Match One - Smiley vs. Candido - Smiley dances for the crowd. If you can get a girl or two who look great in bikinis to do the wiggle with him, all the better. Candido comes to the ring with the mic, going on about his hard luck and how Smiley has the chicks and all the good fortune. Smiley starts strong, Chris takes advantage and tries to impress the girls who don't buy it, some near falls, Chris back on dvantage, going to the top rope, he slips and falls to the mat (perhaps his boots got wet?) Norman puts on the Conquest and wins the match. Norman and the girls dance, Chris curses his bad luck.

Rationale: Norman gets the fans into it early. Chris can job a few of his first matched to cement in a Hard luck gimmick before turning it around with the win streak. The DDP down in the gutter angle is perhaps the closest thing to what I'd do with Candido. The Hard knox could be a real fun gimmick. I'd book him next week against The Wall. 'But I'm a cruiserweight! This is just my luck.'

Team Package vs. Sting/Vamp, Kidman/Booker vs. Harris boys for the titles and Hogan/Hennig vs. Steiner/Jarrett are the feature matches tonight so there would be lots of interviews and promos and stuff regarding those. Probably should at least have Sid on tape as well saying something. I would write up some stuff for this, but I think I'd need to take a three month vacation and then have WCW go off the air for a week before I could come up with it.

Match two - Mamalukes vs. Jung Dragons - This one I can pretty much let stand as is, I'd be booking it slightly different, but it's close enough to not quibble about here.

Rationale: Decent wrestlers wrestling wrestling matches. What a concept!

Match three - Vampiro vs. Dustin - Make it for a #1 shot at the US title. They can wrestle a while, do some hardcore style spots, maybe even some sports entertainment spots just as a pretext to throw it into a Double DQ situation.

Rationale: Vamp didn't look out of place at all with former world champs Lex, Sting, and Luger, but I think I'd set the match to be a PPV blowoff, keep building to the match. In the meantime set up another match for after the PPV to get Vamp back to the US title he was originally booked to win. Dustin/Jarrett/Vampiro would be a decent little triangle to work the US title through right now. Get Vampiro solid in the midcard. I guess it's a big deal for Vampiro to be buddy buddy with Hogan now but I get real worried anytime Hogan is teaming with a younger hotter up and coming wrestler.

Hardcore title match The Wall vs. Knobbs - You can imagine how it goes for most of the match. Wall is ready to win the title when Bam Bam rushes the ring for the DQ.

We come back from commercial and during the break Bam Bam yells at Terry Taylor 'He injured two guys and you reward him with a title shot? That's wrong.' The Wall bumrushes Bam Bam. They fight somemore. Let's try to have them wrestle again at the next PPV and try to give a better match. (wishful thinking I know)

Rationale: The Wall got the gimmick of having Crowbar and David bump for him to make him look impressive. He needs more than that. I'd give him a steady diet of Fit and Bam Bam and hope that maybe he can learn something.

Tag title match - Kidman/Booker vs. Harris Boys - Just an excuse to get Torrie out there in a bikini. I really don't care about the whole Booker/Kidman/Torrie thing but just for fun I'll give Booker and Kidman the tag titles just because I can.

Rationale: I've already replaced Booker jobbing each week with stuff like him winning the US title and the World title. I could play along with WCW and job Booker myself just to troll everyone reading this who knows better (which I'm sure will be everyone reading this who doesn't work for WCW) but I figure why not give him the tag belts again just for laughs. Oh wait, if I'm going for laughs I should have had him win the cruiser title. Or the Hardcore title. Or the brand new Hardcore cruiser title. Sports entertainment!

Main event - Hogan, Hennig vs. Jarrett, Scott - boy, we got to the end quick. Goes a lot eaiser when you don't write all the sports entertainment skits that are what wrestling fans really want to see. I also suppose we need a filler match or two. You at home play Bookerman and come up with a match or two. Fit vs. Maestro. Tank vs. Ernest Miller. Psicosis vs. Sid. Whatever you like. Oh wait, I forgot about Lex and Flair and Sting this week (like I said, I do this off the top of my head). But man all of that is so overdone and played out. I could just have token appearances from Team Package and Sting can do the big show closing save. Or we could make it a three way tag for the main event, Hogan/Hennig vs. Jarrett/Steiner vs. Lex/Ric and Sting does the save. That could be kind of interesting. But surely not as interesting as the main event of the April 10th Nitro will be! Sports entertainment! Be there!

Not my best fantasy booking, I admit that. I'm so depressed. Maybe I'll be inspired to do another for the April 10th. If not, it's been fun, thanks for reading!