Hello.

I am Buff.

Your Favorite Sex Symbol.

I am dead sexy.

The one who doth score.

And you can't resist me.

Before we get started on this supplemental column, which is not "WWF: Land of the Giants", as I said it would be (that is pending - frankly it needs work) I have to take care of the business, because you gotta keep your "Foke."

First off, Your Favorite Sex Symbol was once again mentioned in another column here at CRZ - The Pinnacle of Journalism-Entertainment (tm the brilliant Gene Moore) Websites. And since no one wanted to be Superfan of the Week, I don't feel bad telling you that the person's initials are "C.I." That's all you get, because the Buffster gets enough cheap heat by just being Buff. Let me reprint that for you....

And I quote:
          Oh, I need not share more. A long seductive build-up? Hardly necessary. I am CyanIndigo, and I've got more stuff than that other Buff character could ever hope to express to all you salivating gentlemen out there.

          (What's the point of being the net's sexiest man if your audience is male-predominant?)

Now, while a more mature man would not acknowledge this, I never claimed to be mature....

And so I respond:
 My dearest C.I.  First off, I congratulate you on your success in having the unwashed masses drooling over their fantasies of you in various states of undress. Good show, and I do hope you are as exquisite as you and others claim. However, I must say your context is a bit askew. If you do indeed have more "stuff" than I, not only would you be a hermaphrodite, you would also be unable to hide the fact due to the, ahem, "nature of the beast."  My dear, we are not in competition, are we?
 It's true that the audience here is predominantly male, but those who are not deserve a Favorite Sex Symbol.  Would you disregard a portion of an audience because it is a minority? No. So I say, "Helloooo Ladies."
 As well, I never claimed to be the net's sexiest man, a position long held by the ultra-sexy Scott Baio, and at times Antonio Bandaras... I am just Your Favorite Sex Symbol. And I am an equal opportunity Sex Symbol; I've no problem with men finding me sexy. I am straight, would never be sexual with a man, but I do not mind admiration from anyone, regardless of sexual preference. Plain and simple, the Buffster is Your Favorite Sex Symbol. And you can't resist me.
The merest mention of me by name and implication leads The Buffster to believe that perhaps late at night, alone in your room, you can think about nothing else but the rock-hard-all-over Buff McKenzie.  I hope not, because you will not be able to contain yourself after I post my pictures....

That taken care of : Letter! I get letter! I get lots and lots of letter!

From:"Michael Angelo" <michaelangelo70@hotmail.com>
As usual, I enjoyed your column this week.

I was a bit unsettled by the reference to the vein on Chyna's breast. Yegads.

 
 
    8:53 Flip WCW - Dustin looks like hell. Benoit's a good wrestler, but I just can't like him
    yet. And the "silent but violent" ain't working..
 

Blasphemer! Never again shall you worship at the altar of The Crippler!

Keep up the good work. Gotta go pick on my sister now.

Michaelangelo
[slash]Wrestling
www.crz.net/wrestling

Sorry Miguel...
First, I couldn't help but notice her boobie-vein; It was pretty clear in that shot. Hell, I have a degree in film/television production, which at times is beneficial - helping me to notice what others may miss - other times....
Second, yep, I said it. Benoit, the Internet Darling is not over with the Buffster.  He is a brilliant wrestler to be sure, but he might as well be an unknown for the amount of mic skills he possesses.  Wrestling entertains the smarts, but one NEEDS an entertaining gimmick to work the marks. I claim to be both, so no, I can't like him yet. And "Silent but Violent" sounds an awful lot like a description of my roommate's flatulence....
Third - it's Mikey's fault you didn't get a flip report - I TOLD you not to pick on your sister.... Just kidding, actually the Buffster's been suffering from insomnia lately and putting pen to paper was one of the last things on my mind Monday night(ro).
Why insomnia? Well my esteemed band is in the studio this Saturday (it is Thursday as I write this), and yours truly happens to be the singer.  It seems that the Buffster is having some subconscious anxiety....
And I wish to commend Mr. Angelo as being the most conscientious of all the CRZ columnists. His mommy must have taught him well, unlike that nasty bastard Paul Wight. Read him - Mike, not Paul.

Onward, Once More into the Breach!

These past months have brought back something I thought I would never again see - The revitalization of WWF's Tag Division into what may be the most entertaining segments on WWF TV.
I have always been a wrestling fan, from way back in the early 80's.  I remember as a child, being mesmerized by the tag-teams and the ideals it represented:
Teamwork, dedication and strength in the face of adversity.
Though I couldn't express it in that way at the time.
Tag team wrestling, in my opinion, can tell a much more interesting in-ring story than singles competition. From the ref admonishing a face's partner while the partner gets double-teamed, to the face on the apron getting the crowd to "help" the face in peril - tag team have the potential to be most entertaining.  I especially remember The Killer Bees, the Rockers, Demolition and the list goes on, being my favorite part of the show even then. Those were truly the golden years of tag wrestling.
These days it seems that "celebrity tag-teams" - teams of primarily singles competitors - are the norm, while the few tag-teams with good gimmicks languish in the background, coming out only to lay down for their "celebrity" counterparts.
This is disheartening at best, deplorable at worst.
But from seemingly out of nowhere, the WWF has surprised and pleased me again. Tag-Team wrestling is back in the WWF, and it seems that we are in store for a second golden age of tag wrestling; Much more often than not, the tag matches are my favorite segments on USA's Monday night wrestling extravaganza.
I enjoy most of the teams immensely, whether it is humor, in-ring acrobatics, or just being very original, they never fail to entertain me:

The Acolytes:
I like the new direction these guys have been taking.  While the barroom brawls got a bit repetitive, it's amusing to see a couple of bad-asses taking on a whole roomful of drunken louts.  A bit more tweaking, and these guys will be quite popular, I think.

NAO:
I hate these guys. Not because they are heels, either. It's MODO, so step back, pal. I hate these guys. Did I mention that I hate these guys?

Edge/Christian
They never fail to impress me with their in-ring talent, but frankly I think they were better as the Brood.  In the age of Buffy, Resident Evil, and Scream, a team with a dark, gothic gimmick could be monster over, but I guess as is the case with yours truly, the ladies love 'em whichever way they can get 'em.

Dudleyz:
Under construction. They need work. Check back l...l...l...later.

The Hardyz:
The BEST workers in the WWF, bar none. Get some mic work fellas, or you'll be jobbing the goddamn NAO forever. Their choice in in-ring attire-style has inspired the Buffster enough to adopt it, both on stage with his band, and in the ol' private life as well.  Oh, and I like the bottoms of Tori's thingees, too - even though she's useless at best.

The Hollys:
I am a complete Holly mark.  These guys are funny, they have a great gimmick, and just to keep it interesting, they keep up the in-fighting angle as well - just like any real relatives (even though they're not). Not to mention that somehow, even though they job to everyone, it never angers the Buffster.  Maybe it's because they're so comical, maybe not, whatever the reason - it works. They are nothing to sneeze at in the realm of in-ring talent, either. One interesting suggestion: Bring in Chris Candido as Big Bro Holly to slap them around a bit.

Headbangers:
I love heavy metal. I love the Headbangers. You make the connection, fatty.

Taka and Funaki:
Taka has always entertained me with his over-emphasized butchering of the English language ("Two words - Suck On It!"), but these guys, though great workers, are missing something.  They need to find it if they ever want to be anything but JTTS....

Too Cool (w/ Rikishi Fatty):
I laughed and I laughed and I laughed..... What can I say? Somehow, inexplicably, Scotty Too Hotty and Grandmaster Sexay (with Biggus Buttus) are monster over with the Buffster.  Their gimmick should not work, but it does. And the "Worm Drop", not the People's Elbow, is THE most electrifying... you know the rest. Don't change this gimmick, please... thank you Santa.

And before I quit, my suggestion for a tag team:
GodFATher and Papi Chulo:
Papi Chulo, if I am not mistaken, means "Pimp Daddy" en Espanol. This way we'd get to see some actual wrestling during the GodFATher's matches while at the same time getting Papi Chulo over.  Hmmm... If Papi Chulo is a pimp daddy, why has he never come to the ring with sexy Latina ho's? And why I'm on the subject, why do we men cheer the ho's? I mean if they ARE ho's they aren't exactly a low-risk conquest, are they? Just saying.....
Maybe the GodFATher should go back to being Papa Shango and have women possessed by Voodoo (that you do) come out with him. That way we can be assured a more disease-free, uh, "environment" let's say....

In conclusion, all that needs stated is that it has been a long time coming and it's much appreciated.  This J.E. (journalist-entertainer) for one is pleased, and I don't think I am alone when I express my desire for the focus on Tag Teams to continue. Bravo, WWF.

It Doesn't Matter if You Think I'm Biased!!

Ok. I will try again. The Superfan Question of the Week....
Brian Hildebrand, a.k.a. Mark I. Curtis - Professor of Brat Philosophy and Master of Disaster (Rest in peace, friend) was a great wrestler, ref and more importantly, a great man.  I knew and was friends with him from about 1989 to 1992 when I left for college and he left for the big time (no lies, kids - I didn't even know he was a wrestler for the 1st year I knew him).  He was one of the best people I have ever met, and though I only got back in touch with him in his last year, I will truly miss him.
That being said, let's get to the question:
Name the animal-based gimmick Brian/ Mark used for a time during his stint in the indies.....

If you are the first to get the question right you become Superfan of the Week! Send a link to a picture and I'll post that link here on the most popular Sports-Journalism-Entertainment Website, the site that starts with a "Sla" ends with a "ling" and has a "shwrest" in da middle.
 

Thank you for coming, or however you reacted.