1st off you can call me Buff McKenzie - it's not quite my real name, but in the interest of protecting my anonymity....
You can find my REAL name on CRZ somewhere, but if you take the time to do that, I fear that you are a bigger loser than I.

I am 25, 5'6" and 185lbs.

Solid.

I swear.

So that's why "Buff".
Hey, why not blow smoke up my ass - no one else does. Oh. I also plan on being the male sex symbol on the site (sorry CRZ) - there's already a female one - only in the interest of equal time, y'see.

Anyway my "gimmick" is basically a rip-off of Larry Kings psychotic USA Today articles (or to a certain extent J.R.'s REport). I don't recap, I just send off my opinions on whatever pops into my head as I watch (and flip between) Nitro and Raw. I record these on a micro-recorder and transcribe them. It probably won't be a laugh-riot just yet, because I don't want the humor to sound forced - I'd rather relax into the role. They are not the rants of a smart, or even a smark; I am "smart" but I like to watch and be entertained, just like any fan, so you won't see many mean spirited comments just for the sake of them, or will you necessarily be able to tell for which fed I am a mark.

And just to prove Murphy's law, my batteries crapped out 10 minutes into Nitro, and I didn't notice till an hour later. So my debut column will be a reconstruction, and hopefully it will improve as the weeks go on (it's my first column anywhere, so BACK OFF!)

Okay, breathe deeply.

Hey! I get to see a still of Clooneyman as the ER credits roll.

In my opinion the WCW logo DOES look like the Star of David.

WCW's opening always irks me because the Nitro Girls are not in synch. You'd think that since it's on film they could have spared a few more takes.

I can't believe I am watching 3 hours of this.

No matter how good Brett Hart is in the ring, he's STILL is death on the stick.

Scott Hall looks old.

Come to think of it, so does Nash.

So does Hart.

Ok. I have to give it to Nitro for one original idea, even though it's a mobster spoof. Ok, I did almost laugh.

I love Norman Smiley - they may be shoving it down my throat, but I can't help it, he's a scream.. (wow, a pun). And of course they show how valuable he is by having Finley kill him.

I wonder how much they are paying Evan to kiss Madusa's wrinkly old lips.

Vampiro is my favorite WCW'er. It doesn't hurt that he is with the Misfits. Like those guys. And a few of them are pretty big, physically.

RAW starts in a minute - all hail digital cable reminders! Which reminds me, MTV has redeemed itself with me (at least for now) by broadcasting MTV-X - an new channel that shows lots of old and new metal, (and heavy alternative) with no commercials. Bravo.

Why is it that all of my favorite WWF wrestlers are in tag teams? (And I don't mean "celebrity teams" vis-a-vis Rock/Sock)

Whoever says that small guys will never make it in WWF need only look to Crash Holly (sic?).

I hate Lex Total Luger Package.

Why can't the WWF superstars put anyone over cleanly? Every time they do that they lose a bit of my respect.

Why is Vince going nuts?

Disco and Lash are both pieces of shit.

Duggan makes the obvious swerve by using the Boss's toothbrush to scour the potty.

Once again DX doesn't do the job as X-pac refuses to job to Jeff Hardy. I used to wonder why the Hardys weren't over, but now I am starting to understand. Oh, and I HATE X-fuckin'-Pac.

Get it over with and show the Nitro girls naked - watching them fight was painful. My my my, it must have been cold in the ring, Spice....

Hey! I like the Bulldog a bit more for allowing a clean pin! Go Too Cool! Go get a new name! Maybe the Too Fresh Homies. Or something.

I still like Piper, a little old school, but I used to love him when I was a littler kid. I even have a kilt. (My last name IS McKenzie).

Something's brewing. I can see Flair, Piper, and Hogan forming a something-or-other versus the Powers That (to) Be. Looks like an NWO-alike and a reversal of the angle WCW had before Russomania. I'm just saying.

Asya, I like. Her outfit I don't.

I hate Rock and Sock. They've got enough heat as singles.

Ok. Hart is an America Booster. Sure.

I fucking hate Racist Russo. Every week he finds a way to shit on the Luchadors. This week he spits in Juvi's face. I guess he really meant what he said when he said he doesn't care about lucha, or proresu because he's an AMERICAN! USA USA! Fuck you, Russo. You make me sick. I hope you get e-coli poisoning from yer toothbrush.

Oh, and I thought prunes clogged you up, or kept you regular, not gave you the runs... I could be wrong....

Bravo to Sting for doing the job. Wotta guy. Seriously though, I like the parity in WCW better than WWF. It's much more like the NFL - anyone can beat anyone on any given day.

Well, just to prove my point HHH doesn't lay down for TWO people.

Ok. Sid's a good guy and he's stealing from Hogan. Whatever. What happened to Goldberg being the top star and getting a monster push as an unstoppable force?

Ok, another deep breath. It's all over....for now *sinister laugh*. Do you hate me yet?

And if you want a picture of me, the sexiest man on CR-muthafargin-Z...WAIT. Can't give up the goodies THAT easily. Maybe CyanIndigo and I can have a best chest contest. The Ladies Man (me) thinks the ladies need somone to drool over, too. Step it up!

Sorry Mike El And Jello.

Training tip of the week: Lift slowly and control the weight. Have a cadence of 2 seconds up 1 second hold and 2 seconds down. 4-2-4 is more difficult, but works better.

"Off the Cuff" has been brought to you this week by the people who like to bring people things by other people.

Buff McKenzie is your uplift-MoFo-party man.

coming soon: Buff comes up with catchphrases for any wrestler to use. Call it the Sing-Along portion of "The Buff Report".

email me... I like it...
smashem@hotmail.com