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Guest Columns | Clint McGuire |
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BUCKSHOT Like the drunken prom date who can't decide whether to kiss you or slap your face, this... is BUCKSHOT. This week, I'd like to present for your consideration the McGuire Index, a statistical look at the goings on in professional wrestling over the past week or so. Before I get to the Index though, a personal plea:
I NEED LETTERS! Since I started writing this column a month or so ago,
I haven't gotten letter one. I'm on my knees right now. Please, for
the love of God, send me something via my e-mail! Comments,
compliments, criticism, nasty pictures, SOMETHING! I'm not gonna beg,
though. On with the show! And now, with apologies to
All figures are verifiable. Not neccesarily accurate or true, but verifiable.
12 Number of WWF World Heavyweight Title changes, April 1963 to
December 26, 1983 Number of changes that, given the current pace, could have
happened in the above mentioned time period Estimated amount of time until HHH finally draws heat
Estimated number of women who swooned over Test in a tuxedo Estimated number of men who really gave a damn Percentage of people who thought the "echo censor" effect on RAW
was some sort of acid flashback Chance that The Big Show would earn a main-event match at
Wrestlemania XVI in a feud with Chris Jericho Chance that The Big Show will earn a main-event match at
Wrestlemania XVI in a feud with Prince Albert Number of beers Steve Austin must have consumed prior to his
promo at RAW this week Chance that HHH found the rest of Austin's 12-pack and drank it
before his match on RAW Length of time I've been waiting for Jim Dotson to get in the
ring against someone Amount of time spent on the Mankind-Rock "This Is Your Life"
segment Length of time of the Kidman-Psychosis match on "Nitro" Number of my friends watching who cared about the
Kidman-Psychosis match Estimated number of cakes destroyed on televised wrestling
programs in the past 30 years, before the streak was broken on this
week's RAW Aggregate amount of "shrinkage" suffered by RAW's male audience
as a result of seeing Mae Young half-naked in the evening gown match Number of wrestlers "let go" by WCW in the latest headhunting
expedition Of that number, the total number of those named Steiner, Hogan,
Rachtman, Okerlund or Sid Chance that Lex Luger will go over with the new and "improved"
Total Package gimmick Amount of money David Flair would have to spend in gym time to
get his body anywhere near wrestling standards Time, in months that Bret Hart should have as WCW champion as
compensation for the crap he's gone through since coming into the
organization Nielsen rating for the quarter-hour of NITRO featuring Konnan
(lowest of either show) Nielsen rating for the Mankind-Rock segment (highest on either
show) Nunber of interviews with Rick or Scott Steiner I can sit
through before I go postal Ratio of pinfalls to DQ's/no-decisions on NITRO this week Ratio of pinfalls to DQ's/no-decisions on RAW this week Chance that anyone will read this far and comment on my column
this week
Clint McGuire |
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