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Guest Columns | Clint McGuire |
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BUCKSHOT Okay, I'm racing against time here, 'cause I want to get this out while the ideas (lame though they may be) are still in my head, and before I can be affected by the influence of CRZ or any other Internet writers. Also, please bear in mind, I'm typing this without seeing either show until 2145 this evening. Excuse me. Ladies and gentlemen; presenting the fabulous, the exciting, the all-new, all-seeing, all-knowing, ever-lovin' BUCKSHOT #4! Steve Blackman looked in his bag o' tricks and found a vibrator, courtesy of Val Venus. Does this qualify him to be part of the WWF's "pending sexual harrassment suit" club? This was a week of unwelcome returns to WCW, at least for me. First there was Konnan (you should've gone to Mexico!), and then there was Scott Steiner. I'd almost forgotten how truly pathetic his mic work is. "There's nothin' _Steiner_ than Scott Steiner"? Scotty, enroll in a Dale Carnegie course or something. If you go, I'll give you a seat next to Lilian Garcia! Speaking of K-Dawwwggggggggg(ggg), I'll bet $5 his pre-match regimen consists of throwing the goofiest ensemble he can put together and convincing himself he's "down". Homeboy needs to break a twenty and shop at K-Mart! And on a BPP note, I knew he was gonna show up by 1) the DDP, Rock, Hogan: will the real "people's champion" please take one step forward? Uh, uh, uh, not so fast Hulkster! Speaking of Big Orange, apparently WCW has a quota on how many times they can say "ass" on TV, and just as in everything else in WCW, Hogan has to hog it all for himself. I swear, if I heard him say "kick your ass" one more time, I was gonna have to pray for the return of the Warri... naaaaaaahhhh! You know, I'm looking at my notes here and finding I have more comments on "Nitro" than on "Raw". Not that that means anything, y'understand... A couple of notes for the "Lodi/Lenny fan" that charged the ring. First, the dry hump in the ring while youwere being cuffed was *really* gross; dont ever subject us to that again. Second, there are better ways to show you're a crazed stalker than hopping around like Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs cuckoo and yelling like Richard Harris on a bender. It's called acting lessons, look into it! Ric Flair, I have the utmost respect for you. You are a legend, you have done amazing things for this sport, so please forgive me if I don't phrase this the right way: (ahem)FOR GOD'S SAKE, WRESTLE WITH A SHIRT ON, MAN! YOUR "NIPPLE RIPPLE" IS GIVING ME WAKING NIGHTMARES! IF YOU VLUE ALL THAT IS SACRED, YOU'LL AT LEAST DO SOMETHING TO FIRM UP THOSE PECS! Raw-An interesting match with a DQ ending (I think) and a post-match run-in by Vince, but otherwise satisfactory in general. Nitro-Surprise, surprise, a Stinger schmozz interrupts a main event match I was almost interested in. That's all for this week. Tune in next time, when I'll probably not be this early with a column. Ciao! Finish time: 2352 EDT. HAH! Clint McGuire freelance Mail the Author Visit Clintster's House of Photography |
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