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/wrestling /guests /Martin |
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/wrestling /guests /Martin |
| Guest Columns | Marvellous Martin |
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MARVELLOUS MUSINGS But, doh! Then I miscounted Too many syllables ;) Thanks to all the people (two including CRZ) who pointed my Haiku mistake. I got it fixed thanks to the awfully obliging CRZ. Not a particularly focused column, there hasn't been that much to write about, plus I have university work I should be doing. Oh well. Lots of ramblings and going off on tangents this week. Bret Hart is over in the UK promoting "Wrestling with Shadows" this Saturday on UK TV. This morning he was on the "crazy and hysterical" (not my description) breakfast show The Big Breakfast. Unfortunately they didn't do a good job. You see, those morons who run the show (I'm not a big fan you might have noticed) had booked too many guests - but there was only one decent interview slot. People had to phone in to vote for who should get the decent interview - would it be Bret "The Hitman" Hart who has come from America; or some guy from that shitty film Velvet Goldmine; or a couple of dull idiots from the soap opera Eastenders (kind of like Sunset Beach with more realistic story lines and no laughs). Bret did win, but it was a disgraceful treatment of one of the greats of wrestling! He's travelled a long way - he should have had that spot by default. So here is my request, I think lots of people should email The Big Breakfast telling them they shouldn't have treated Bret Hart so badly. If there are any Canadians reading, you could complain that one of your country's great athletes should be treated with more respect maybe. Go on, do this for me - send your emails to bigbreakfast@channel4.com - the more over the top, the better!! Degeneration X! Think you can tell us what to do? Think you can tell us what to wear? Think that we're boring? You bet yer ass. DX were a great force in the WWF a while ago, but I can just see the meeting at Titan Towers now: "Guys, WCW is stealing some of our viewers, what shall we do?" "Hey, lets get DX back together again." "Yeah! That will save us having to actually do any work won't it? Anyone want a round of golf?" Sigh. Looking at the ratings breakdowns, DX were in almost every segment too - smacks of desperation to me. They were never as good as the N.W.O when they were in their prime and now DX is getting as stale as the N.W.O did. Where can they go from here? And another thing, they pretty much suck without HBK anyway don't they? Is it just me? At least Kane gets a push without that screeching midget scampering about with him. Anyway, here is a DX haiku (are these pissing you off yet? MAIL ME YOU BASTARDS!) Crotch chop, pose, and make me yawn Bring back Doink the clown. I hope Al Snow teaming with Mick Foley leads somewhere. They are a perfect madcap combination and Al really needs a decent push. He is a great wrestler and he's being wasted with the likes of Big Boss Man. If you have read the spoilers, you will know if it DOES lead somewhere or not on Smackdown. I won't give it away here just in case......... Misfits on Nitro, cool. Admittedly, I would prefer Vampiro got over on his own merits. The guy is big, stiff and nasty. Actually, that description kinda reminds me of me :). Anyway, Vampiro rocks, any normal person (no wait, normal people don't watch wrestling do they?) can see that. It just occurred to me, though The Hardys and Edge n' Christian put on a great match at No Mercy, why all the fighting over Terri? I mean, she isn't that good looking and she can't be particularly young can she? What if she blew out a hip while providing her "services"? Ah the wonders of modern surgery, after all, have you seen Miss Elizabeth lately? Isn't she about fifty or something now? Isn't Meng BRILLIANT? He is the damn funniest freakazoid to ever hit the squared circle!! David Flair gets hit by a car? Don't be TOO original Russo! That is absolutely fucking brilliant about that Al Snow figure getting banned because "he carries a woman's head and it promotes violence to women". I love those American "family groups". I read about "concerned groups" in America protesting about Pokemon being a bad influence on children because it encourages gambling. I'm thinking "what a load of poop", then some kid in an American school stole another kid's Pokemon cards and when he tried to get them back - he got STABBED!!! I love you crazy Americans! My musical recommendation for the week is There is Nothing Left To Lose by the Foo Fighters. Its quite laid back and doesn't rock as much as their previous stuff. Actually, fuck that, listen to NAPALM DEATH! WOOOOAAAAARRRRRG!!!! (If you don't know who Napalm Death are you probably think I'm even weirder than you already thought) Finally, I really enjoyed Dennis Dubay's scathing article on Mark Madden (click here if you haven't read it). I enjoyed it so much that I won't even bother making a negative remark about him this week. Instead, I'll mention Rick Scaia the monster mark - creator of Online Markfest. He says that the ONLY wrestler on the WWF roster he doesn't 'click with' is Mideon. He likes EVERYBODY ELSE? EVERYBODY?! ALL THE TIME? Even Vicera? Crash Holly? Prince Albert? Didn't he say the other week than NOBODY LIKES THE BIG BOSS MAN? AAAARRRRRGG! Phew, that's better. Please, please PLEASE email me. Email me with your opinions, insults, whatever. It might give me something to, you know, write about? I'll leave you with this important question - has Disco Inferno still got DDP's rings? Stay out of trouble and be well. Marvellous Martin freelance Mail the Author |
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