Hi, I trust you are well, I'm okay in case you were wondering.

Before I get to the subject in hand, there are a few people who were kind enough to mention me in their columns in the past week so I will, as I usually do, return the favour. Butchster - keep on throwing out those 15 points, its art dude. 'Rowdy' Jerry McRoot, I trust you're getting used to your new nationality. Rebecca, thanks for the compliments and the mail. Finally, Sharon, thanks for the kind words and the cute nephew story, feel free to come over and visit some time :)

The WWF has become more and more popular, breaking into the arena of popular entertainment like never before. I thought I would try comparing the WWF to other popular TV shows to see if there are any similarities that would perhaps show us the secret to creating a popular TV product. My findings were bloody stupid to tell you the truth:

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.

Buffy - unusually thin young girls kick monsters in the head.
WWF - unusually ugly old women get kicked in the head.

Buffy - it has vampires in it that are constantly dispatched by out plucky hero.
WWF - it has a vampire in it that is constantly jobbed on Metal.

Buffy - it has an undead guy who is supposed to be English.
WWF - it has an English guy who looks dead.

Buffy - an irritating whiny girl is one of the main characters.
WWF - an irritating whiny girl is one of the main characters.

Buffy - They introduce the idea of homosexuality between two female characters in an attempt to boost ratings.
WWF - They withdraw the idea of homosexuality between two male wrestlers in an attempt to save ratings.

Buffy - I want Willow to die horribly at the hands of a putrid, evil demon.
WWF - I want whoever came up with the idea of Pat Patterson's 'skid mark' to die horribly at the hands of a putrid, evil pair of underwear.

Buffy - some people would do anything to see Sarah Michelle Gellar naked.
WWF - some people would do anything to forget seeing Mae Young naked.

THE TOM GREEN SHOW.

Tom Green - Tom Green, one of the most annoying people on TV who has ever existed tries to be funny and fails miserably.
WWF - Road Dogg, one of the most annoying wrestlers who has ever existed tries to wrestle but fails miserably.

Tom Green - Tom Green humiliates unsuspecting members of the public with his moronic antics.
WWF - the WWF humiliates unsuspecting members of its roster with diabolical gimmicks.

Tom Green - it is one of MTV's highest rated shows, millions despair.
WWF - one of TV's highest rated shows, wrestling fans that have been watching for more than four years despair.

ACAPULCO H.E.A.T.

A.H - Plots are frequently abandoned in order to show half-naked female flesh.
WWF - Plots are frequently abandoned, except those that involve half-naked female flesh.

A.H - Fabio is in it.
WWF - HHH looks kind of like Fabio's ugly, bitter cousin.

A.H - The dialogue is so utterly abysmal and the acting is so totally pathetic that it makes badly-translated Godzilla movies seem like a contemporary parallel to the finest works of Shakespeare.
WWF - See above.

Before this gets tedious, I will stop. HOWEVER, for a bit of fun (you remember that you can have FUN on the internet, right?) can YOU, yes, YOU think of any comparisons between wrestling and other shows? I want to hear from you so I can post an entertaining little follow-up next time, and I want to prove that someone out there really does read this crap I keep putting out. So come on, I'm sure there are some people reading who haven't had their creativity and imagination sucked out of them by bad TV and Playstation yet, so get thinking and mail me! Please don't let me down, I'm feeling very vulnerable at the moment and I might cry.

A couple of extra plugs - The Wrestling Galaxy has a few very poor pictures I took at the WCW show from Manchester back in March, go check 'em out anyway because it is a fine site. Also, there's a link to my new home page below. There's not much there except pictures of my cat but visit anyway.

Thanks for reading, take care.

Marvellous Martin
[slash] wrestling