You are here /wrestling
/guests
/Martin
Guest Columns

Marvellous Martin

Main

BLAH

MARVELLOUS MUSINGS
Game keeper to the wrestling rhino.

Greetings sports entertainment fans! This is Marvellous Musings, but don't let that put you off. This week we have PLUGS and a NO WAY OUT PREVIEW! MY NIPPLES EXPLODE WITH DELIGHT!

First off, I must apologise to Butch Rosser for totally forgetting he exists and not plugging him in my last column. Thanks for the plug Butchmeister, go read his latest right here. He gets the thumbs up here for saying PUSH LA PARKA TO THE TV TITLE. A damn fine idea. I still don't agree that Booker T doing a uranage counts as rascism though.

Anyway, here comes:

WHAT? HOW MANY OF THESE DAMN NO WAY OUT PREVIEWS ARE THERE?

It's looking like another solid PPV. In a bizarre twist of fates, it would seem the WWF has gone almost WCW-esque, serving up a bunch of actual WRESTLING matches before getting to the two big matches. Its pretty safe to say that this PPV is more or less setting the scene for Wrestlemania 2000, I'll explain that as I go. If you like, have the official WWF match line up going too while reading this.

Considering the WWF could put on an iron man match between Mideon and his mother and still be better than WCW, they haven't been resting on their laurels as of late and this PPV promises to be an pretty good.

THAT PIG FACED MIDGET X-PAC VS. KANE

This has been the NEVER ENDING STORY for the WWF over the last few months. X-Pac turned on Kane, then eventually Kane beat him in a cage. That wasn't enough however, because they couldn't think of anything else to do with X-Pac so they continue with TORI TURNING ON KANE!!! The first LIKEWEDIDN'TSEETHATCOMING moment of 2000, I fear there may be many. Kane got very upset and realigned himself with hid daddy Paul Bearer, who seems to have gone good again for some reason. I think this whole thing with X-Pac and Kane started going bad when X-Pac got jealous because despite the fact Kane was horribly disfigured in a fire and has to wear a mask, he was still the looker of the team. X-Pac got al upset when he realised this and the psychological trauma turned him heel. Is this wrestling or Sunset Beach?

The MX2 Prediction: Kane obliterates X-Pac while we all wait for the screw job, which then sets up another match at WM2K. In other words, this will be very entertaining but the ending will suck.

EDGE AND CHRISTIAN(does anybody think they know Christian? Huh? HUH?) VS. THE HARDY'S

This should be good. It seems if they're not sure what to put on, they just throw in The Hardys and Edge & Christian (that team really needs a name, how about BLONDE GOTH EXPRESS? yeah, I'm using that!). Expect lots of stuff that the crowd really go for that WCW was showing four years ago. You see? WCW was innovating all along!

The MX2 Prediction: Win for the Hardys. Why? Weeeeeell their feud with the Dudley Boys hasn't been resolved yet, and as I think the Dudleys will win their match, the Hardys will become tag champs at WM2K like I said ages ago. Did that make any sense? Oh yeah, I bet Terri returns at WM2K too.

THE DUDLEY BOYS VS. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS

Wow, the Dudleys have gone totally mental as of late. However, this is the match I am least looking forward to. Mostly because the New Age Outlaws are horrendously boring. However, as long as the Dudleys are the ones in control, the match will be pretty entertaining. It would be nice to see lots of nasty things happening to the Road Dogg. Another thing, if I hear the NAO being declared the greatest tag team in WWF history one more time, somebody is going to die.

The MX2 Prediction: Don't expect me to do much play-by-play on this one in my report, because I can't see there being very much to write about. The Dudleys will walk out as champs, so they can lose to the Hardys at WM2K when their feud is finally settled.

TOO COOL & RIKISHI VS. MALENKO, BENOIT & SATURN.

I was so right about turning the Radicals heel. They have become 'cowardly heels' who need outside interference to win matches. This takes credibility away from them, similar to when the Hardys won the tag belts and but were cast as cowardly heels because they cheated to win every time. Anyway, this should give them an opportunity to get more over as wrestlers. This has been a fairly standard feud between the two groups, and I think it should end here and both groups should move on to something with more substance.

The MX2 Prediction: Well considering the Radicals are being portrayed as pure athletes, while Too Cool are being portrayed as 'those guys who dance', I'm going with the Radicals. This match will be great, but I'm not very optimistic about seeing a clean ending, coz they're heels and they JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RULES! or something.

THAT GUY WITH ALL THEM PURTY MEDALS, KURT ANGLE VS. LIONHEART CHRIS JERICHOOOOOOOO

This match has popped up very suddenly. I'd have to say the booking for this match has been almost WCW-esque. Having said that though, I'm looking forward to this. Angle has proved to be far more impressive and entertaining than many had originally thought, and Chris Jericho is on fire right now both in the ring and on the mic. Make sure you pay close attention, this match will be a barn burner AND a slobberknocker (would that be a 'barn burning slobberknocker then?), dammit!

The MX2 Prediction: This match should be fantastic. Both are capable of great matches and Jericho is usually so good at bringing out the best in his opponent. I'm pretty sure Jericho will win, but I have this niggling feeling something is going to happen. That perhaps Jericho might lose, maybe because of Chyna. There just seems to be something missing from all of this, perhaps a swerve. You never know.......

THE BIG BAD SHOW TONIGHT VS. THE ROCK

This has been building solidly from the day after the Royal Rumble. Big Show has never been this entertaining before. With him helping DX, and being forced to team with Rocky, he is now very over as a heel. The Rock and his CATCHPHRASES OF UTTER ANNIHILATION (inspiration - DDT Digest) have cruised somewhat through the last month, the job to Chris Benoit being a highlight though. This is the most built up match and it should be pretty entertaining, though rather generic.

The MX2 Prediction: Will the Rock win? IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE ROCK WINS!!!! That's because he is going to Wrestlemania to wrestle the champ NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS (unless he is injured or killed or something). Seeing as the WWF is SWERVE CITY ARIZONA, I wouldn't be surprised if Big Show came out with the victory, keep an open mind during this one.

TRIPLE-UH H-UH VS.-UH (sorry) CACTUS JACK

Hell in a Cell. Beyond that cheesy name lies a bizarre, hideously deformed beast of a gimmick match. You see these matches have the ability to rule - Undertaker vs. HBK or Undie vs. Foley; but Hell in a Cell can also suck so bad you want to die - Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man (w/ hanging) or Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man in the Kennel From Hell (the worst match ever? I enjoyed The Maestro vs. Prince Iaukea more). I am kind of concerned about this match, because Mick seems intent on diving off the cage and through Hunter-uh. I know Mick can take a lot of punishment, but I fear he is really going to do something crazy. The man's body is in a terrible state but he continues doing this stuff for the fans. This could be Mick's last match though, so get it on tape.

The MX2 Prediction: I can't decide. Either Mick half-kills himself and loses to The Game-uh, and never wrestles again, OR he wins and goes on to lose the title at WM2K to The Rock. Seeing as they keep talking about his dreams of going to Wrestlemania as champ, I am leaning towards Mick winning, but you can never be too sure. One thing that is for sure, I'll probably be saying OH FUCK a lot in my report.

I reckon they might throw in another match or two. Perhaps Tazz vs. Big Boss Man, and/or a women's title defence. Who knows? I guess that's the HELTER SKELTER WORLD OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT for you.

That's it I suppose. Strongly suggested further reading comes in the form ofPredictions from the Butchster or the latest Sharon's Edge.

Come read my NO WAY OUT REPORT on Monday, you really can't afford not to. Its too much of a risk.

I'm thinking about not writing new columns quite as regularly as I have been. I've been thinking that if I update less regularly, when I do write columns they will be of a higher quality. The alternative is that I continue with at least one column a week but I occasionally run out of worthwhile things to say and half-ass it. What do you fine folks reckon?

As usual, mail me with your quips, insults, or inane ramblings. Or else.

Cheerio.

Marvellous Martin
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission