|
/wrestling /guests /Smith |
|
|
/wrestling /guests /Smith |
| Guest Columns | Lewis Smith |
MainBLAH |
SUPER DODGEBALL Welcome to my world. I'm Lewis Smith and I don't want no cute handle to hide behind. I'll be your writer this column. But hey, what is it that separates me from the rest here at Slashwrestling? What is my gimmick, my angle? What is it that keeps the masses clicking and the marks steamed like rice? I don't write about wrestling, per se. Nope, for me, half the fun when I'm checking it out results is seeing the attitudinal energy fly. And so, that's my beat. Is there any site out that that peacefully co-exists with every site out there, or am I insane? (Deep Breath) Hmm . . .1wrestling hates ScoopThis (but then they hate everyone), who hates NWWWO (along with 90% the other sites) who hates Hyatte (who is, love it or loath is, SCOOPS) who doesn't much care for the guys at WrestleLine (or does he? And more importantly, should you care?) who love Scott Keith because he writes so much for 'em, but Scott ain't too keen on CRZ (or is he?) Oh, and they also have rumors and something called "results" occasionally, but I never get around to them. Folks, if anyone within the view of my words think that Joe Average gives a flying turtle fuck about Chumpwrestling's opinion of Shmuckwrestling.com, please, for the sake of the future generations, please dry-hump your microwave and spare us any future children. Thank you. For the sad truth is . . .I . . .I'm sorry . . .this takes so much out of me to say but . . .I . . .DON'T CARE! I really do not give a damn. Internet feuds are about as meaningless an issue as "Who's got the biggest dick in the Girl Scout Troop?" So what's it about? Clicks. People want people to come visit their site so they slag off site A, who comes back with something about site B raping sheep or somesuch. So this goes back and forth for, oh I dunno, couple of months, in the meantime everyone does beaucoup traffic. It's a nifty lil' racket if ya think about it. One has to wonder how much ad traffic Bob Ryder and co. got after that little tiff with ScoopThis (or are they the Onion now? Damn, it's so hard to tell . . .* snicker *) I'd almost swear for about two solids weeks neither of them asked us to "please click on the banners." Remember kids, you got ad banners, heat=traffic! Piss someone off and cash in! Ok, it ain't quite that simple. The other part of it is, given the relative anonymity of the 'Net, it's a lot easier to slag someone off from a distance. Truly. How many people write flame-tastic columns on the wrestling sites and don't use their own name? And more importantly, why not? Hmmm . . . Maybe it's because of the relative insecurity of the writer's involved. Hell, I wouldn't know. But attacking someone from behind an alias is about as craven as . . .oh I dunno, beaning someone in the back of the head with dodgeball when their back is turned, and about as mature. That ain't me. I don't hide. But then I don't feud on the net either. Maybe after this gets posted (if it does. Hey CRZ--post this and I'll score ya some nude Spice pics! Yeah, like you wouldn't suck up to the boss) there will be innumerable people coming out of the woodwork, including the Dreaded Flamers. You know the Flamers, even if you think you don't. They are a vast organization, kind of like HYDRA, except no snazzy green uniforms. These are the people who continually dump negative e-mail that is so childishly and horribly misspelt that you wonder "Just how the hell do these people know what a computer IS?" CRZ's mailbag, Hyatte's mailbag--both of 'em are full of this sort of letter-writing. Who can forget classic tunes like: "You're an asshole! Wwf rulz and so does austin. Why don't you get a life bitch." "YOU SUCK YOU FAG. WHY DON'T YOU GET A LIFE ASSHOLE" And that eternal love ballad: "you suck you loser bitch. Stop trying to rip of Hyatte and get your head out of ECWs ass. Get a life you faggot bitch loser prick." This is, I would guess, maybe 85% of their mailbag (figures adjusted for hyperbole) The other 10% is slavish ass kissing and maybe 5% of 'em actually have something to say. And while any escape might help disprove the unattractive truth, the truth is, all of us who play is Internet wrasslin' game are fooling ourselves. We're playing at being wrestlers. All you have to do is look at the words we use--"Feud" "Heat" (regular or cheap) "Rub"--to see what kind of silly power fantasy all this is. Do us all a favor. Drop the "heel" act. Drop the feuding. Drop the catchphrases. Say your shit and get off the stage. Thank you. This is Lewis Smith, I am the lit match the propane tank. You're the WHAT, now? - CRZ Mail the Author Visit the Hardcore Homepage |
BLAH |
Main |
||