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/wrestling /guests /Jonathan |
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/wrestling /guests /Jonathan |
| Guest Columns | Jonathan |
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Do-It-Yourself WCW Nitro Booking Kit!! Segment 1: Choose one wrestler: a) Macho Man b) Hollywood Hogan c) Kevin Nash d) Sid e) Dennis Rodman Have him/her talk for fifteen minutes about nothing in particular. Segment 2: Show clips of Segment 1. Show clips of Segment 1 from last week. Segment 3: Have Nitro girls dance. Give Schiavone some crap to talk about, including WCW hotline. (You should be at least 45 minutes into the show at this point) Segment 4: Choose two wrestlers: a) Evan Karagias b) Hugh Morrus c) Barry Horowitz d) Glacier e) any other jobber Have them wrestle. Choose one option: a) Macho Man or Hogan or Sid or Warrior runs out and ends match, then talks for fifteen minutes. b) Match actually ends (not cleanly, of course), then Macho Man or Hogan or Sid or Warrior or Paul Roma talks for fifteen minutes. c) Ric and/or David Flair talk for fifteen minutes. Segment 5: Show clips of Segment 4. Segment 6: Several ads. Schiavone hypes the hotline. Sting may or may not say something to set up his match tonight. Segment 7: around 10:00 Lenny and Lodi piece AND/OR Tag-team match (possibly three-man) between some combination of DDP, BBB, and KK vs. Chris Ben-Wa, Dean-o Machine-o and Shane Douglas. Have them toy with fans' imaginations, then screw the faces AGAIN. Segment 8: Show clips of Segments 1, 4, and last week. Have a rapper or old metal band play a song, then make it Buff Bagwell's new incoherent theme music, so you only know who the hell is coming out when you see them on the ramp. Hootie hoo! Segment 9: Choose one gay-ass celebrity: a) Rick Springfield b) Britney Spears c) Dick Vitale d) any other Have them join the commentary team. Match: Goldberg vs. a pretty talented wrestler (i.e.: Curt Hennig), but because everyone refuses to lay down for anyone else, choose wrestler(s) to interfere: a) Barry Windham b) Paul Roma c) NWO Sting d) Red Rooster e) Roadblock f) any other Pretty soon, everyone will be undefeated, and WCW will eliminate the word "job" from the lexicon of all wrestling fans the world over. Segment 10: Hype next PPV event, which features Rick Steiner and Jim Duggan vs. Kevin Nash and Jimmy Snuka. Why? Who knows? Just be sure to buy it! Segment 11: Have Bischoff join commentary team and kiss Hogan's ass until his lips turn bright red. Show clips of Sting doing something or other. Segment 12: 10:55 p.m. Main "event" time. Have Sting and/or Hogan wrestle some combination of Nash, Sid, Macho Man, Madusa, Dennis Rodman, Gary Coleman, or Tonya Harding. Have Rick Steiner run in with a chair. Goldberg makes save, but too late. Yet another no-contest to end Nitro. Yay. What do you think? Should I apply to become a booker or what? Jonathan finger on the pulse Mail the Author |
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