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Mr. JF

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BENOIT WILL SURVIVE

It's me, it's me, it's the M-R-Dot-J-F.

For those unfamiliar with my work, allow me to plug it like mad as always: The Pulp Bookerman Archives! Go there, bookmark, tell your friends, then e-mail me.

Do a good job, you may end up on. . .



The current Top 5 Pulp Bookerman Fans list:

5. Shawn Colton. The dude e-mailed me a bunch of times giving me a proverbial BJotW. It was quite a while ago, but considering he sent me more e-mails than most people (who take the time to write one mail of perhaps six words), he gets to be on the list. He does a column here every now and then, I hear, so maybe you should read it.

4. Dr. Richard Templer. Don't know much about him, and he just sent me a very short e-mail where he stated his love for Pulp Bookerman, but he's a friggin' DOCTOR of something! According to his e-mail sig., he's also "Research Programme Manager" for some company in New Zealand. I'll be damned if I know what a Research Programme Manager does, but it sounds important, which is all that matters. For that, he gets # 4.

3. Sephiroith. Don't remember his real name, and I'm too lazy to check. This guy not only wrote an episode of PB of his own and sent it to me, but also a) told his friends, and b) put up a link to the archives on some University where he either works or goes to school (I don't know the details, stop bothering me!) when he was computer monitor, leading to a shitload of student possibly going to the site.

2. Jonathan Henderson. Get a load of this guy: He prints out all the Pulp Bookerman episodes, but before showing his friends, he holds a fucking screening of Pulp Fiction. I repay him by making him # 2 on this list. I think it evens out.

And the number one Pulp Bookerman fan. . .

1. Herb Kunze. Now, this guy is really considerate. He knows that if people found out that he likes Pulp Bookerman, the hardcore fanbase would be diluted. So, just because he's such a great guy, he never tells anyone he loves it, either on his site or any place else in the world. Hell, even I don't know if he's ever even heard of the damn thing.



OK, enough of that. That sort of mindless ego-stroking isn't the point of this column. It was just something I planned to write for intro filler, but it ended up taking more place than intended. I apologize

The real issue at hand is the WCW/Sullivan/Busch/Magnificent Seven Six Whatever. All that matters is that Chris Benoit is part of the group, and according to reports, will be getting released from WCW. But you all know that, so I'll do us all a favour and break news that you probably haven't heard of yet. . .

Chris Benoit is on the verge of signing a record deal. Not record as in 'Guiness book of world . . .', but record as in 'bought in record store'. And I have the inside scoop on what the first hit single will be. I give you. . .



"I Will Survive"
Original artist: Gloria Gaynor.
New lyrics: Mr. JF
Performed by Chris Benoit.
Dedicated to Kevin Sullivan.


At first you jobbed me out, yeah you recked my life Kept booking me to stay midcard because I fucked your wife But then I spent so many nights Thinkin' how you did me wrong and I grew strong Because Vince Russo came along And so you're back, from outta space I just walked in to find you here with that dumb grin upon your face. I should have crippled you for life I would have murdered you with glee If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me So now I'll go, walk out the door won't turn around now Cause I'm not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who made the ratings go bye-bye? Think I'd crumble? Think I'd stay here and die? Oh no, not I, I will survive Oh as long as I know how to sell I know I'll be alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my bumps to give and I'll survive I will survive. Hey Hey. It took all the strength I had not go insane And you tried hard to make me stay with a world title reign But I spent oh so many nights Just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry But now I hold my head up high And you'll see me, on VinMac's crew I'm not that chained up little person still opressed by you. Now you can book your silly show But without me, 'cause I'm free Now I'm saving all my workrate for someone who's pushing me So now I'll go, walk out the door won't turn around now Cause I'm not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who made the ratings go bye-bye? Think I'd crumble? Think I'd stay here and die? Oh no, not I, I will survive Oh as long as I know how to sell I know I'll be alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my bumps to give and I'll survive I will survive. Hey Hey.
/Mr JF
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