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/wrestling /guests /JF |
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/wrestling /guests /JF |
| Guest Columns | Mr. JF |
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Hello there, reader! Haven't you at some time said to yourself: "My gosh, I wonder what it would be like to have WCW wrestler acting in a movie, like, say, Pulp Fiction."? No need to examine your head. I assure you that you're not alone. I myself wondered this exact thing a while ago, and I decided to find out. What will soon follow is the result of that out-finding. . . We have Diamond Dallas Page and Kevin Nash playing the roles of the two bad-ass assassins. They are long time friends and co-workers, and they are driving in a car, talking. Kevin has just returned from a short visit to McMahonland, and this is the subject for the following dialogue. I call it. . . PULP BOOKERMAN! DDP: -- okay. So, tell me again about the profanity? Kevin: OK, what you wanna know? DDP: Well, profanity is legal there, right? Kevin: Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean you just can't walk into a ring, grab a microphone, and start swearin' away. I mean they want you to swear backstage or on certain designated programs. DDP: Those are the RAW shows? Kevin: Yeah, it breaks down like this: It's legal to think it, it's legal to say it backstage and, if you're the competitor on a RAW shows, it's legal to say it on camera. It's legal to use it in a catchphrase, but that doesn't matter 'cause -- get a load of this, alright -- if the officials hear it, it's illegal for them to fire you. Firing you for incredibly stupid reasons is a right that the officials in McMahonland don't have. DDP: Oh, man -- I'm goin', that's all there is to it. I'm scummin' goin'. Kevin: I know baby, you'll dig it the most. But you know what the funniest thing about McMahonland is? DDP: What? Kevin: It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit over there that they've got here, but it's just there it's a little different. DDP: Example? Kevin: Alright, well, you can do an interview segment in McMahonland, and drink a beer. And I don't mean just an old paper cup, I'm talking 'bout a can of beer. And on RAW, you can drink beer before you wrestle. And, you know what they call a Ham'n'Egger like Reese in McMahonland? DDP: They don't call it a Ham'n'Egger like Reese? Kevin: No, they got the Oddity system there, they wouldn't know what the fuck a Ham'n'Egger is. DDP: What'd they call it? Kevin: A Silva. DDP (repeating): "A Silva". What'd they call a Big Lazy? Kevin: Well, a Big Lazy is a Big Lazy, but they called me "Big Daddy Cool". DDP: "Big Daddy Cool". . . What do they call a Dusty? Kevin: I dunno, I didn't go into a booking meeting. But you know what they put in angles in McMahonland instead of plot holes? DDP: What? Kevin: Continuity. DDP: Aw, man! Kevin: I seen 'em do it. They fuckin' drown 'em in that shit. DDP: Uuccch! Mr JF freelance Mail the Author |
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