If you only do two things for the rest of you life, go see "Man on the Moon", and read Tim Lloyd's "Tall Poppy Syndrome" article. If you do three, finish reading this column!

So I hadn't written a column in forever, and I figure, "Hell, why not?"...and here we are.

I've managed to solve the question that was on everyone's mind A LONG, LONG TIME AGO. No, not "Who drove the Hummer?" or "Who raised the briefcase?" and not "Who's booking this crap?"; I'm refering to "What happened to the second installment of 'The Blonde Bytch Project'?"...and the answer will shock you.

Nova stole it.

Don't believe me? Take a look at this real transcript of my real conversation with the real man himself:

 Me:     There's a rumor going around (started by me right now) that you 
stole the second installment of Stevie and Meanie's "Blonde Bytch Project" 
 Me:     I'm on to you! 
 Nova:   uh, yeah you caught me 
 Me:     thought so.  You would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't 
for us meddlesome kids. 
 Nova:   yup   

So there.

Sorry, had that sitting around on my computer forever...

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, which, forced to condense it to one line, is:

Goddamn, Russo sucks amazing quantities of ass.

So Bret Hart joins the nWo as its World Champ. For the 143 people on the entire planet that know that Bret was replaced by Hogan on the day of Bash at the Beach 96, it was really cool. For about 18 hours.

Now what? Is the nWo "taking over" again? Was there any logic at all behind the storyline? Or was it simply a case where Russo decided to give a nod to the internet crowd?

I was really high on the finish when it happened, but I've cooled considerably since then, and now, I've lost just about all interest. Especially since Rikishi's ass is already about 100 times as over as Jeff Jarrett is, and Jarrett's doomed to *cool down* thanks to Russo's "genius" hotshot angle.

Speaking of Russo's genius, isn't he supposed to be getting the undercard over? It isn't happening. In fact, looking at Nitro, almost everything unrelated to the nWo reformation was an unadulterated suckfest.

The Revolution were entertaining, and they got [cheap] heat, but the angle was weak. Am I the only one who even considered the idea that Duggan, by LYING and being generally DISHONORABLE actually *disrespected* the flag and what it stands for? Does it make ANY sense for the Revolution to run from the Filthy Animals, when Rey is CRIPPLED? Sadly, that was the best segment in the entire show, with the exception of the nWo stuff.

Madusa actually had me yelling "You SUCK!" at my TV, Piper was incoherent, the Varsity Club sucks (though Mikey R looked good), and Tony tried to tell me Jarrett and Benoit's two-star, cliched, uninteresting ladder match was the greatest ever. What's worse, is he was claiming the match got rave reviews on the Internet. Fuck you, Tony, for acting as if your entire audience is comprised of inbred yokels who, having no electricity, watch through store windows.

But at least Russo and Ferrara aren't getting themselves over. Because I'd really be pissed if, say, Ferrara put himself over the most entertaining wrestler on the undercard...wait, excuse me for a moment...

...

Why yes, that *was* a thinly veiled reference to the Vampiro match at Starrcade. Okie kicked his ass for two minutes before he got the Misfits' much-needed help to beat the old, fat, pasty, worthless piece of trash who wrote for "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer", a.k.a. "The worst show to ever air on [semi-] network TV. Oh, no, Ed didn't pin Vamp, but the fact that he'd make Vampiro sell for him, then wouldn't let Vampiro beat him cleanly and decisively, one on one, just makes me wish that, as he admires his Christmas tree with his family, a rabid squirrel leaps out, bites bis jugular, and...sorry...Anyway, Monday night they redeemed themselves, as Vamp KICKED DAVID FLAIR'S ASS. Aw, fuck...They couldn't suck Vampiro's heat away any faster if they...used, uh, some sort of heat-sucking...vacuum...thing.

In closing, I'd like to ask for some reader help in answering these questions:

A few weeks ago, Piper tried to "shoot" on the PTBs, and they cut off his mic. Monday night, they didn't cut off the mic during ANY of the half-dozen "shoot" interviews. Why? I'll even GIVE them Nash's promo, since they had a vested interest in it...but were they TORTURING us by not cutting off Roddy Piper's mic?

They cut the vast majority of the good wrestlers on the undercard to save money, but they built, transported, and destroyed a completely unnecessary set for the PTB's room? What the fuck?

"Leia Meow"?

Why is Mene Gene reading rumors about DDP and Flair on the internet? Is he that hated by everyone in the locker room that they would exclude him?

How in the world can I end this column?

Jackyl Off
bPk