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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
| Guest Columns | CyanIndigo |
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UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL There are desire-filled, dark-lashed blue eyes watching your every move right now. Fantasizing of what they want to do for you. Thinking out every possible scenario. And I mean EVERY one. Can you see them? So what are you waiting for? Write to me already. This is CyanIndigo, and I always write this column making love..... to the camera in my red lace underwear. When I find them. You see, sometimes they get lost or hung on a lamp, or.... well, I'm sure you understand. Do you? Oui, oui, I am a good-looking woman. (the shock!) I am a seduction artist for hire, goddess of all that is evil (which, in the real world, translates to wrestling) And I am the key behind the much-desired lust factor. Don't forget the lust factor. Oh, you know it, boys. We all want the same thing, don't we? Forget what women tell you, we all want it and think about it as much as you do. Watching the awakening of animal instincts. The sweat dripping in beads down the curves of the body. The skintight clothes showing every hidden part. The breathing. The moans of pain. Oh, say it with me now. Oh, come on. Do it. Now. ...... ......... ........... And speaking of wrestling, ;) Oh, please. What did you think I was talking about??? Hee, hee. Oh, stop pouting at me, all of you. There's more to come. THE BIG STUFF Brought to my attention by the Lord CTD (the fan-man who never stopped wanting me, and who can blame him?): "The Undertaker and Stephanie MacMahon were supposedly married a while back. Then Test came into the picture. They set the wedding date for October. The Undertaker got injured and had to leave for recouperation. Suddenly Stephanie gets hit in the head with a garbage can, gets amnesia, and the wedding is prosponed. The Undertaker's return date was set for late November, early December. Stephanie MacMahon's wedding date: November 29. Hello???" That's something to think about. I never even considered that that might be a way of bringing the Undertaker back into the WWF storylines after such a long absense... it would put him in arms against Vince MacMahon again..... could also make him look like a douchebag too..... perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps is a good word to use whenever I think of the Hardy Boys and their future. They are fantastic, risk-taking, show-stopping daredevils. The Hardys are know for their reckless abandon when it comes to their bodies and their common sense, what with the suicide dives of both the brothers being a "typical" thing. Health doesn't last long when you're flying around like that. So despite the grand crowd reaction, the quick fluidness, the expertise in selling moves, and generally being all around super-stars when it comes to tag team wrestling.... I have to wonder how long they'll be around for. What with the wrestling world becoming more and more of a dangerous place, it's difficult to gauge how long anyone will last. So what do I think? A few years. Maybe. Then they'll be broken up, possibly redone into singles competitors. But first and foremost, I see surgery in their future. So here's a word of advice to you all: enjoy the Hardys while you can, because their longevity is unknown. For once, I do hope I'm wrong. SHAH... like that happens. Oh, well. Vincent K. MacMahon: the greatest performer in the WWF. And also the most confusing. Of course, of course, everyone is speculating about what side the Vinnie Mac is on, so far be it for me to not throw out my voluptuous little opinion here. Let's look at the facts, shall we: 1) Vince MacMahon switches sides more than Bret Hart could ever hope to. 2) The WWF is notorious for surprising its fans with sudden plot twists. Consider Survivor Series '98, when Shane MacMahon turned on Austin, and the Rock slapped the sharpshooter on Mankind in a little F-YOU to the Bret Hart screwage. 3) Vince MacMahon is the guest referee in the Triple Threat match between the Rock, HHH, and Austin. 4) Out of the three men, who's the only one that Vince hasn't aligned himself with? I smell somethin' funny. Screwjobs? Revelations? There's going to be something signifigant here, people, so make sure you catch the PPV and pay attention. Stop whacking off to my image and go downstairs. Question I've been asked: Do I think Test (aka Stephanie MacMahon's little love slave.... whipped by a WOMAN) can make it to world title contention? Hm. Not sure. Before I was considering it, but now I'm not sure. He's getting one hell of a push: main events with HHH, directly involved with the MacMahons, who since they're a steadfast presense on RAW guarantees that he will be too. But does he have what it takes to make it, as the WWF and the majority of Internet writers seem to think? Granted, the guy is an impressive athlete, doing a top-rope elbow better than anyone I've seen in the past few years. He's agile, better at the technical stuff, than he was. Mic skills? Eh. They're getting better. But remember this: For the longest time, everyone thought that Billy Gunn was the next candidite for the World Title. And he didn't cut it because he lacked charisma, even though he was talented and relatively over and all that jazz. So Test = main event? My gut instinct says no. But that doesn't mean that he's not IC material. For sure, I'd say he's IC material, and for alot of wrestlers, that does say something. STELLAR to.... no one. Frankly, I was disappointed at RAW. I was literally falling asleep at the bar on Monday. Come on guys! Get your shit together! THE QUICK NOTES The only thing that I'll say about WCW's newfangled look is a direct quote from a porn-addict friend of mine: "It's like taking a pile of shit, remolding it, calling it crap instead, and presenting it as new." 'Nuff said. One look at Dustin Runnels in his white make-up and red-rimmed eyes and CLICK! I could write about the big ol' heel push of the Big Bossman.... but I'm afraid it might vanish by the time I'm done the paragraph. You know, you'd think that with all this controversy surrounding Al Snow, Head, and those undersexed mothers who think there's a social problem with the connotation of a MANNEQUIN'S HEAD..... (Whatever. I don't see the problem here... then again, I'm not undersexed) ...... You'd think that the WWF would bring back Head into the spotlight on primetime just to thumb their noses at those moms and say a hearty F-You. (Sing-song) "Rock is replacing Austin... la la..." TIP: "Saying 'Shut up and listen to me' to the fans will always get their attention. So easy. Stupid marks." - Mike the Bartender NO TORI WITH KANE, DAMMIT. Are they mental? What possible advantage could she bring to Kane and his rising status as a world title contender. What? NOTHING. What about his image? NOTHING. And Kane does NOT need to put the Big Bossman over, thanks. What is that ever going to do for him?? Everybody talks about what more can the Big Show do in his current infuriated rage. Well, I ask: What else CAN he do? For god's sakes, short of killing someone, alot of things have been covered. Get original here, guys. QUESTION: Why haven't Jim Ross and Vince MacMahon ever gotten in an on-camera battle / fight? It seems like an inevitable thing. Mean Street Posse + Bulldog = guaranteed world title contention. Can't you see it, people?? Can't you? Whatever. What are you doin' to me? X-Pac looks more like a douchebag with every show. I laughed and laughed at that amount of BOO'S he was showered with, while all other members of DX got cheers. HA, HA. That's the ticket. To keep speaking of him: SO sure, SO absolutely frickin' sure that the 1-2-3 Skid could pin Kane and pin Shane MacMahon and therefore be the most valuable player in the Surivivor Series style match last SMACKDOWN. Not even CLOSE. Why do they do this to me? Are they purposefully trying to make me tear off my clothes in a primal rage and... Oh..... Wait... that's a Michaelangelo fantasy I just revealed. My mistake. REQUEST: Are you all listening? (Beyond the ice tricks and the silk scarves and the obvious "I want to be your sex slave" desire) I want a Hell in the Cell match between Kane and X-Pac. Think about it. Ooh. "I could never hit my son on purpose." -Vince MacMahon. WHAT???? They were kicking the shit out of each other a few months ago!! What are they smoking?! The people: The Godfather. Too Cool. Translation = will never get anywhere because they're an entertainment gimmick. NEWS FLASH: Kurt Angle, sweetheart, you're a big-shot from the Olympics..... That doesn't mean dick SQUAT in the World Wrestling Federation. If you protest, might I point out the example of Ken Shamrock of UFC fame, a fame that did nothing for him when he moved to the WWF. Look at Mark Henry, the Olypmic weight-lifter. Ya, that did lots for him, didn't it? Let me give the line a shot: "Welcome to the dog house. Do you want to do me... um... IT... doggy style?" Ya, OK. When's the last time you think the Road Dogg got a piece? Honestly? ;) Did Stevie Richards fulfil all those cheerleader fantasies for you, boys? You know you all want one, and LOOK! There's one on the screen! Try not to make a mess on the couch! A certain fan-man is going to kill me for that last comment. Ooops. I better go and hide. Better yet, I'll start the plans to seduce him instead, just like I've seduced each and every one of you. Because it's inevitable. Because I shamelessly flirt with the hearts of men... and then rip them out, lips curved in a smile. Oh, you know you all want it. C'mon. Let me dirty my little Canadian fingers. Can you handle the load? The address: Cyan_77@yahoo.com The Internet Goddess until proven otherwise: CyanIndigo Seduction Artist for Hire Mail the Author |
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