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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
| Guest Columns | CyanIndigo |
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SMACKIN' DOWN THE TRUTH Hello, hello, my little Cyan-olytes. From the icy recesses of Canuck-Ville, I raise a lemon screwdriver in your direction and subtly tug my shirt down a little lower for added perfect breast potential. Hold on a minute......since when am I ever subtle? This is CyanIndigo, stellar goddess, making a promise to each and every one of you that if I can find someone (can't imagine who...hmmmm) to take the picture, then friends, you will see "them." Maybe enshrined in red, maybe in black, who knows. Whichever mood persists, I told a wrestling mark that it might happen, and I'm telling you right now that it might happen. Start a petition and see where it gets you. Oui, oui, my little paramours? That is, if you're up to seeing breasts on the Internet. Oh! Imagine that!! Ah, hell. Believe it or not, this IS a wrestling column (sometimes I forget) and I'm the best there is at what I do, so let me pull my shirt back on and get the fingers ready here. There's a whole load here waiting to be released. Yes. That was a sexual innuendo. THE BIG STUFF Kane: challenger for the World Wrestling Federation title. Oh, yeah. That's the ticket, people. No one was grinning more than me when that "tag team" of X-Pac and Kane finally broke up, Kane got pissed, slammed around that little 1-2-3 Skid for a bit, and "aligned" himself with fellow DX haters Steve Austin and the Rock. YE-AH. About time too. Someone who is THAT over with the fans, and has improved his wrestling skills steadily since his debut at Badd Blood (October '97) does NOT deserve to be saddled with a whiny "swear-he's-sixteen- and-I-just-beat-him-up- yesterday-at-recess" Surge addict. NOTE: Nor does Kane need to be saddled with a "crush". Please, please do NOT put Tori with Kane, guys. It's not needed. Put her elsewhere. My little toy Michaelangelo was mentioning this to me last night: you'd think that with the Rock, Vince MacMahon, Austin, and Kane vs. DX all the time, there would be a true Survivor Series match with the four vs. the four. Hm. Now although I disagree with him saying that the main event could change within the week (they've been hyping up Rock vs HHH vs Austin for a while now... why would they change it now?) it would still be interesting, wouldn't it? I would call the unexpected and say that DX would prove triumphant in that match. Anyways, speaking of DX, it's intriguing that the WWF has switched the main storyline from Austin vs. MacMahon to DX vs. MacMahon. After a YEAR of the same damn feud replayed over and over again (although I will give credit: the WWF presented this Austin / MacMahon feud better than ANYONE else ever could *ahemcoughWCWsniff*) After months of the Internet fans screaming "Stop it already!" Vince has finally taken away the whole "I hate Austin's guts angle" ...... and replaced it with "I hate HHH / DX / Bulldog." OY. NOTE: Wasn't Vince MacMahon the evil genius who duped the fans and sacrificed Stephanie MacMahon to the Undertaker? Now he's loved by the fans? What???? DX? Have you noticed anything.... well... new? NOPE. It's the same schtick as always, however: the "defy authority" "don't give a damn about the people or the company" "unpredictable" "dangerous".... Yada, yada, ya whatever. Listen, fellas, I got to say that the whole idea is getting a little old. It started with Shawn Michaels in 1997, and it ended in 1998 after that fantastic 6 month run of the "new DX". I still don't even see why DX was re-formed in the first place, but regardless..... Is it truly reformed though? Not likely without the presence of Chyna, who was forever heralded as the "backbone" of DX. Her purpose, in the past, was to help keep inflating male egos in check. She's nowhere near the new DX... got her own music... her own sidekick...no contact what-so-ever. Now, you'd think since it's pretty obvious that Chyna and HHH are involved, the WWF would play this up a little. Or would they? When Chyna broke DX back in 1998, they had the whole HHH vs. Chyna thing for a while. Didn't go over very well, for whatever reason. So maybe we'll see nothing. I doubt that the WWF would let this pass by without a blink, but it's entirely possible. NOTE: And hey, yes, she did split up DX and yes, she called it. Back in mid-1998, DX was teasing at a "split". They duped the audience and the WWF personnel by coming into the ring, declared that they were all a bunch of "jack-offs" and that they were going to give the people what they wanted by mooning them. Chyna stopped them, talked for once and said "If anyone is going to initiate a DX split, it's gonna be me." Just sharing information. STELLAR to Chris Jericho for slapping on the Lion Ta...oops....the Walls of Jericho on Chyna out of nowhere and showing his dominance! Don't get me wrong, I'm a Chyna fan, it was nice to see her expression when she got the belt, but C'MON. Enough is enough. STELLAR to the Rock for proving why he is the most electrifying superstar in the world today with one of the better mic performances during the first 10 minutes of RAW that I've seen in a while. Watch that unbelievable crowd; they'll tell you. THE QUICK NOTES You'd think that the WWF would learn from their mistakes. Introduction of the European belt + British Bulldog = NADA. We already had that oh-so-hilarious turn of Goldust imitating everyone last year. Why throw that awful gimmick onto Stevie Richards? I miss the old Val Venis: the towel-flickin', women stealing one. He was such fun. Now he's dull. Unfortunate. Terri Runnels does not fit with the Hardy Boys. Miss Kitty is becoming irritating. A slave, indeed. And why does Chyna need her around, anyways? Oh.... wait... I know.. just thought of this... most likely, to prove to HHH and the world that while she used to carry belts around for her men, now SHE'S got someone to carry around HER belts. Ah-hah. Ya, ya. Never mind. A Prince Albert push - WHY? How could Austin ever turn heel? By screwing with the fans, of course. He hasn't manipulated them in a long, long while (f'ing panderer) and if the WWF is looking to turn Austin heel, that's a damn good start. QUESTION: How did Austin get busted open during his match with Billy Gunn, anyways? He was on the offensive for the first three minutes and then suddenly he's bleeding from the eye. Ideas? (And don't write me and tell me he bladed himself, you morons, because he obviously did not.) Tori has a "crush" on Kane = WWF couldn't think of anything else to do with her. This Test / Stephanie MacMahon marriage angle has run its course. Next! Why did the WWF refer to Kurt Angle as a "real" athlete in that little vingiette last night?? I guess the WWF superstars aren't REAL athletes anymore. My mistake. Either way, I smell a bad gimmick. Future problems between Vince and Shane MacMahon due to the inadvertant hit on RAW? Could be. Doubtful, but there's always the possibility. The Headbangers will never make it to that elite, worthy tag team champion level, and that's unfortunate. You know, I hear about all these women that are supposedly training in the WWF dojo. So where are they? Why is Ivory fighting Moolah, for god's sake?? You had Malia Hosaka (a fan that Ivory attacked in the ring) Bobcat (squashed by Viserca last week) supposedly Miss Congeniality from ECW coming in.... so where's the competition? That's it from this end. So can I try yours? The address: Cyan_77@yahoo.com The Internet Goddess until proven otherwise: CyanIndigo freelance Mail the Author |
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