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SMACKIN' DOWN THE TRUTH

"If X-pac fell in a forest, and no one was around to hear it, would anyone care?" - Lord CTD

Let's get right to it. Sorry, gentlemen: if you were expecting outlandish tales regarding my voluptous font nature and seduction factors... well, I beg to differ. I've been satisfied by another.

He can validate my claim of having perfect breasts and having the goddess nature within. Therefore, I really have nothing to say to the hords of Cyan-olytes out there, because I'm not sexually frustrated anymore.

I'm still CyanIndigo. Just a sly, warmed-up one.

THE BIG STUFF

I don't trust this DX reunion.

I smell something funny about all this, and I'll tell you why I think it involves HHH.

Think about it, people: what's the personality that the WWF has been shoving down our throats regarding HHH? What do we think of when we think of HHH? That's right, it's the arrogant, violent, "I don't give a damn about anyone but myself" personality. The whole CONCEPT of HHH is that he's independent and heartless and, with the exception of Chyna, alone.

So why in the hell would the WWF re-unite DX, with HHH as the leader, if they're still struggling with HHH's champion image? Champions don't need stables or back-up. I think it's a WWF rule.

So why re-unite? Well, for the rest of them it's obvious. For X-Pac, it's the way to get more over with the crowd and re-built his losing image after continuously getting his ass kicked in the tag ranks. The New Age Outlaws are there just because it works better with them. They do fine with or without, so it's just a matter of convenient choice, I'd gather. This is the part that I don't get, though: why would HHH give a damn about his former teammates if he's the "game", if he's the most important person in his life? If he's the champ, for god's sakes?

What does this say? People are saying that it's to get HHH over as a heel; that the WWF is planning to make DX a "heel" stable. Oh, please. You really think that DX has the capacity of being a "heel" stable, like various wrestling sites are proclaiming??? C'mon. Won't happen. Way too popular. Everyone knows that.

And of course, the million dollar question: What about Chyna? She was the one who broke up DX to begin with, so it's doubtful that she'll return for the fun of it. But she's HHH's main squeeze, and everyone knows it. So what does SHE think? Hm. Volitile situation here.
And quite the column dedication to it.

Moving on, you gotta love this stellar tag team situation we've got brewing around the WWF these days. The Hollys, the Hardy Boyz, Edge and Christian (Suicide Blondes, baby) the New Age Outlaws, the Acolytes, the Dudley Boyz.....

You know, it may not carry the rings of the former legend-making 80's tag team wrestling, but I have to admit that this is one of the most interesting arrays of tag teams that I have seen in a long time. Each has their own unique quality, whether it be straight, solid wrestling or high-flying daredevil natures. All these teams are capable of putting on fantastic matches with any other team available. And the people are starting to notice. The tag team belt is becoming more prominent. And I love every bit of it.

NOTE: Expect to see a Survivor Series match as follows: Hardcore and Crash Holly / Too Much vs Edge / Christian / the Hardy Boyz.

NOTE: Also expect to see the WWF come out with a "pretty fly for a white guy" angle for Too Much. Not taken from sources, just my own opinion after observing Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor's "home-boy" attire. If I'm right, I get favours. Deal?

The WWF better be careful with the racism angle regarding Bradshaw and Faarooq this week, with the barflies calling Faarooq "darkie." It didn't work before when Faarooq was bringing it up as a reason for being repressed in the talent pool a few years back, and it sure won't work now. There is a slim possibility that Bradshaw and Faarooq will be able to get over with the crowd. One last run, perhaps. But racism is a touchy subject for alot of people, right up there with the whole cancer thing. Careful, everyone.

Speaking of which, it appears that there is a purpose behind that distasteful Big Show / cancer angle after all, considering the volitile and violent personality that the Big Show is presenting to us all.

He's scary when he's mad. You have to admit that. I'm just surprised that the WWF hasn't capitalized on Paul Wight's massive girth, strength and general fear inducer yet. But they are now. With the Big Bossman taunting the Big Show with all those "poor daddy" references, we are seeing a "killer instinct" arise in the Big Show, resulting in a hell of alot of carnage in the WWF ranks.

(Could this be what the Under "Look at my Scary Tongue" Taker was referring to earlier in the summer? The potential here?)

My suggustion to the WWF: Big Show gets the HardCore belt, which would help define his scary, violent edge in HC matches. Keep pushing the Big Bossman as the harsh, cruel, sneering, annoying thing in the WWF, because he's on his way to being hated by everyone. Cheap heat? Maybe. Heat is heat.

Keep going with the current pushing the Big Show, the Big Bossman, Val Venis, Al Snow and Chris Jericho, and we'll just sit back and see what happens.

STELLAR to Chris Jericho for that fantastic, a la old WCW, double powerbomb on Stevie Richards.

STELLAR to Shane MacMahon for proving that he's got the same mental capacity of his father (and possible the same brand of grapefruits) for leaping off that cage in a insane cross-body. BRAVO. I raise a lemon screwdriver in your direction. Instant replay, please!!

THE QUICK NOTES:

Regarding this week's RAW and Viscera slamming around those two ho's, why would you move an injured person BEFORE you secured the neck brace?

You know what? You can change Mideon's attire and paint his face pretty colours all you want... it will NOT get him over.

WARNING: Triple Threat Matches are guaranteed to suck. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Moolah and Mae Young doing the DX thing on SmackDown. GAH. WHY???? Thank god for retirement homes. Do that in your own room!

"HHH has the Personality of a Wet Mop" (sign) I didn't say it. Doesn't mean I don't think it.

Mankind should be the champion. After he applied the Mandible Claw, HHH's shoulders were flat on the mat for 8 frickin' seconds!! And the ref did the whole drop-the-arm schtick. ARGH. Whatever.

I'm sure that the Dudley Boyz just naturally COWER IN FEAR at the appearance of that JACKED-UP X-Pac. I'm sure anyone does. The threat! That's it; I challenge that skinny 1-2-3 Skid to a street fight, and I would very likely kick his lily ass.

Where the hell did Rodney, Pete Gas, and Joey Abs come from anyways? Anyone? Ordinarily, I'd look it up.....but it's more fun to see who's smitten enough to do it for me.

What happens to "Y2J" after the Millenium? Ideas?

You know, it says something to me if the champion of the world is hardly ever in the main event.

"The People's Testicles?" Be still my little heart.

THE FIRST CLOSER: The War Against Anti-Wrestling People

It's bad enough when I get heckled because I'm a dead sexy chick in blue leather, but it's another when I have to endure the ridicule and standard anti-wrestling bastard opinions of other "wiser" guys.

Namely, my roommate's boyfriend. Named "OX". Named "Prick."

Take note, potential lover-boys: the sure-fire, guaran-goddamn-teed way to piss off CyanIndigo is to list every reason why wrestling sucks, is overrated, is an embarassment to society and specifically why the women aren't even that good looking.

Can you feel the steam? Can you sense the blood pressure steadily rising as I dream of scratching him with rose thorns until his kidneys leak??

God, I HATE fuckers like him. Whiny popular culture maggott. So to spite him and all the other fuck-witts who never fail to remind me WHY I keep my little feminine obsession to myself, here's a list of justification. Dammit, I love my American TV and I'll defend the raunchy S.O.B with my dying breath.

So here's to ya.

Reason #1: The old Jeff Jarrett angle. According to dear "John", the WWF set a horrid, brand-new example for children to go and beat up women.

RIGHT.

Oh, please. Do you really believe that? Do you really think that kids watch Jarrett, and think: "Gee, that looks cool! Jeff is my role model!" He was an asshole, certified and stamped cleanly by the WWF! I got little brothers under the age of 10 who think he's a complete prick. They're not going to beat up little girls. (Because we beat back... I taught them myself) Not to mention the fact that the women of the WWF took it to Jarrett and oftentimes kicked his ass around the ring. AND Chyna took the belt from him (leaving or not) And you'd see far worse things on just about any station on the network at that time of night. Next.

Reason #2: Women are being exploited.

COME ON. I think I mentioned this last week. RAW is male-orientated, for god's sake. What do you think they're going to do with women on a male-audience show? Make'em tap dance? Of COURSE they're going to show skin... but then again, *ahem* the guys do as well. Of COURSE they're going to be eye candy... but then again *ahem* the guys are as well. Why do you think the Rock's in People magazine as a beautiful person??

Just STUPID. This guy must be gay if he's not enjoying looking at a pretty woman on the screen. I'm straight, and I don't mind. I think Christina Z, writer of WITCHBLADE, said "I find it perfectly fine to look at a beautiful body, male OR female, when it's accompanied with a great storyline."

REASON #3: People are dying in wrestling.

You know what? I have no disrespect for the late, great Owen Hart. Far from it. But I HATE people who cluck and bitch about the fact that "people are dying" in the uncontrollable world of wrestling. Owen died from an accident, during a legitamate stunt that had been done by numerous other people. Maybe he didn't want to do it, maybe he was forced, I don't know. It was unfortunate, horrible and wrong. Even Vince MacMahon said that things had to change after that. Grand. That's good.

The thing is, alot of people don't know the backstory; they just know Entertainment Tonight and all those other gossip shit-shows.

Alot of things have changed in just about any industry! Please! I don't see anyone bitching about the increased violence in football. Or boxing. People don't die from boxing? THERE'S a frickin' revelation!

*phew* Now I'm all worked up and hot-blooded. Enough of that. Appetizers, anyone?

Yes, that was a sexual innuendo.

The address: Cyan_77@yahoo.com

The Internet Goddess until otherwise proven:

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