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BLAH

SMACKIN' DOWN THE TRUTH

For the first time ever, I saw ECW last week.

Never seen it before in my life. I'm a Canadian, and therefore I'm too "candy-ass" to have the opportunity to watch Extreme Championship Wrestling, according to the censors or whoever decides these matters. Despite the fact that I'm half-American? No dice.

Lovely for me to live right on the Canada / U.S.A border. And very nice of the local sports bar to take a look at my stellar feminine self and change the channel in a heartbeat. Being topless helped.

Although this is strictly a WWF column, I've got to say that I have NEVER seen anything like ECW in my life. I kept count. In my first viewing I saw a catfight, violent gut-wrenching spears, security pulling wrestlers off of "real" athletes, a steel chair to a bare ass, a skinny thing being powerbombed OVER the top rope onto a table.... and some of the best wrestling I've seen in a long while from Chris Candido and Lance Storm.

Kids, if you've never watched it before, get your head out of your ass and find TNN on your screen. They got wrestling, insane manoevers, and some of the more interesting characters on TV, such as Spike Dudley, Miss Congeniality, Mike Awesome, and of course, that amusing trash-gorgeous Dawn Marie.

So anyways, with my emotional life up in arms thanks to an ex fuck-witt of mine, and welcome promises of future kisses to the stomach from a local painter around here .....

I say EH! I'm CyanIndigo, the one true Internet goddess, and the one with the most beautiful .....eyes..... around.

No, I don't mind admitting it. Would you?

THE BIG STUFF

Yes, I used to despise Rocky Maivia. Yes, I was wrong about him. I admit it. Now lay off.

A few people have been calling me on that old hatred fact of mine, considering these days I can't get enough of the Rock. Whereas if you had encountered me about 2 years ago, I would have gladly ripped him apart, from his curly-poof hairstyle to that DEVASTATING shoulder-breaker finisher he used.

Ya, ya. So I changed. So did he. It's amazing when you look at this guy and remember that perky, All-American schtick he used to send out to everyone back when he debuted at Survivor Series '96. And now, in case you hadn't noticed, he's one of the most entertaining people I've ever witnessed in the wrestling industry.

And consider this, people: A year ago, who did everyone want to be like? Who was always on the screen, flipping people off, making people frantic with their own desire to punch their own boss in the face and pour a beer on them? Old Steve Austin.

And NOW, who do people want to be like? Who doesn't want to wear the expensive shirts and tell people that "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!" Who doesn't want to non-chalantly mention that millions and millions are chanting your name, and two seconds later, the entire arena is?

Interesting the way that this industry changes, that's all.

What could be going on in Billy Gunn's head right about now? He went from being somewhat in the Intercontinental title race, barely a noticable player after his forgettable 1999 King of the Ring win, right back to the team that made the promoters think he had a chance at singles stardom.

Let's face it; Billy Gunn did not live up to expectations. I can't tell you the amount of times over the past year and a bit that Jim Ross has heralded Billy Gunn as the next up-and-coming WWF champion. And it's understandable why he'd think that. Billy Gunn is a good-looking, well-built, relatively solid technical wrestler. So what's lacking?

Charisma. The ability to grab the crowd's attention.

While still within the team of the New Age Outlaws, it was forgotten that while Billy might have been the more solid wrestler, it was the Road Dogg that commanded the attention of the audience with his supreme mic talents. And although it would be nice to see a "solid" wrestler make it to the top, unfortunately, that sort of talent is only about 30% of the game. With the cardboard personality that Billy Gunn always seems to project, it's no wonder that he was never able to jump beyond the shady Intercontinental scene.

So he's back to the New Age Outlaws. Both of them, the Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, have reverted back to the surprising super-stardom that has made them one of the most "over" teams in the history of the WWF. Are they disappointed at the lackluster result of their singles separation? Well, maybe. Billy Gunn just seems to have a general look of disappointment around him these days. But I'd take another listen to the unreal reaction of that crowd before I'd get too disappointed.

How true were last week's SmackDown confessions of HHH? "I've given my life for this and you couldn't care less about me." "This isn't fun anymore; this isn't what I signed up for?"

Hmm. Makes me curious, that's all. While I doubt that HHH has very many complaints about the WWF, those words sound awfully legitamite when I think about various others in the sports entertainment industry. Foremost? Bret Hart. How many others feel this way?

The next big match I'm looking forward to? Chris Jericho vs. Chyna. While I'm not exactly sure what kind of a match it will be, 1) it's very intriguing to think about and (2) this opportunity gets Jericho into the Intercontinental title race. I'd say he's going to win the belt at Survivor Series; as much as I enjoy seeing a woman as the Intercontinental champ (and as much as I loved that absolutely thrilled look on Chyna's face at No Mercy when she won it) the likelihood of her holding the title for a long period of time is not good.

It's unfortunate, but it's the truth. Mainly the Intercontinental belt is something that helps the WWF to gauge who is World Title material, and who will remain mid-card, depending on the ease in which the person holds the IC title, and how badly the TV audience wants to see that person. Chyna is OVER. No question of that. But a solid wrestler? No. Good mic skills? Eh... they're getting there. World title material? Afraid not. Next!

STELLAR to the Brood and Edge and Christian for putting on a canditate for Match of the Year at No Mercy. When the crowd gives you a standing ovation, that means something.

STELLAR to Austin for showing some much-missed intensive mean streak in smashing HHH's knee over and over with a chair violently at No Mercy. God bless American TV.

THE QUICK NOTES

So nice to see the 80's stereotype of "I hate everyone, especially all the dirty Americans in the crowd" come back in the form of the ultimate 80's wrestler, the British Bulldog. Doesn't help that he's getting that old wrinkly pectoral skin a la Hogan too. Delish.

If the WWF had made Kane take off his mask back in early 1998, during his feud with Vadar, it would have ruined his career and he would never be as startlingly popular as he is now.

I have no problem with the ho's. I'm a woman, I have a little feminist blood in me, and I don't mind them in the least. Or the puppies. Or the "wrestling outfits." It ticks me off when women submit articles in newspapers and such about what a sexist shit-fest the WWF is towards women.

Well, maybe so. But it's not hurting anyone. Nobody is FORCED to strut down runways for the WWF. And it is male-orientated, remember that. Networks must cater to the majority. Call me a disgrace, but it's perfectly fine.

Here's hoping that the WWF follows through with what they were insinuating on RAW, and put Edge, Christian, and the Hardy Boyz into a stable. Hard to say whether they will be successful, but it will be interesting to watch these four super-talented men.

Cancer is not an issue to play around with. It's not funny like dramatic sexism or any of the other "taboo" issues that the WWF has put forth. Although it's quite clearly a work (you really think that Wight would let the WWF play around with his sick father? Please) it's not a good work. Is anyone listening?

Fabulous Moolah - champion? Why? Howard Finkel - prize to be won. Why?

Jeff Jarrett is out, and Vampiro might be in. Interesting.

Steve Blackman is an extremely good wrestler.

Gangrel scored with Terri Runnels? RIGHT.

Viscera isn't nearly as scary without his black leather headband. Ooga booga!

I'm a little disappointed to see the Rock and Sock Connention's cracks begin to show.

What happens to Debra now?

D-Lo Brown is more popular that you'd think.

Add "Pimp Daddy is in trouble" to the list of things I never thought I'd hear Jim Ross say.

"The Testicular Claw"?

And with that, I can honestly say, it's been one hell of an interesting day. Hot-cha! Catch a whiff of voluptious me and mail at Cyan_77@yahoo.com, and we'll see what a lil' sumthing, sumthing I can do for you.

Until next time, I remain,

CyanIndigo
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