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CyanIndigo

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BLAH

SMACKIN' DOWN THE TRUTH

Sinking into a red velvet couch that reeks of pot and cigarettes, I write about WWF IS RAW at 3am, barely awake, while guys drag their one night stands into their bedrooms and turn the music up as a buffer during their five minute sex sessions.

Yep. A guy's wet dream right there.

And with lack of saying "aboot" (Only my pet moose Gigglo says that, thanks) I say 'lo. This is CyanIndigo, high Canadian, Internet goddess, and half-dead. And probably half-high, after sitting in that couch for two hours. People say that you should live your life to the fullest, so I'm up at 6am making funeral arrangements. Nooch. OY.

THE BIG STUFF

Once again, the WWF feels the need to throw HHH and Steve Austin at us for yet another main event shot. You'd think they'd learn their lesson after that weak excuse of a match at SummerSlam. I realize that the WWF is trying to place HHH as a legitamate world title holder, but having him squashed by Austin during every altercation is not the way to do it. Neither is cheating. So what am I hoping for this Sunday? The same intensity that the two men showed within the first ten minutes of their first hour brawl That's what it needsL: intensity and a few surprises... like wrestling. Imagine that.

QUESTION: Why is there a shot of former DX leader Shawn Michaels in Triple H's entrance video?

Austin is losing his touch. How much hype can the WWF throw at him these days? Promo videos, about 20 straight minutes of Austin bitching at HHH and the world. Could the WWF be aware that Austin is certainly not the number one man in the business anymore? That would explain the rattlesnake in the bathroom (you know, some crazy crazy Austin thing that only Austin would do... ya, ya) the complete squashing of HHH (the supposed champion.. I'm not so sure these days) What to do with the poor guy.

QUESTION: Why are Terri Runnel's nipples always erect? Geezus. I mean, I'm a woman, and I know that they shouldn't be out there 24-7. And I KNOW I'm not the only one noticing this. Anyone?

Mae Young is an embarrassment. Fabulous Moolah is an embarrassment. And Ivory is becoming an embarassment.

Why do I have to say this????

What in the hell is the WWF doing with the women's division???? For god's sake! The two women foremost mentioned are wrestling legends, and they are making absolute FOOLS of themselves in the ring! Where is Tori? Jacqueline? Luna? Why in the hell did the WWF feel the need to trot out two elderly women that the so-called "popular TV" wrestling fans have NO clue about who they are and who they represent, and then stick them in a ring, barely able to move, while a talented wrestler/personality in Ivory gets "beaten" and embarassed? PLEASE. This is ridiculous. And cheap. And it's making me wonder who in the hell is booking this crap. Mud wrestling matches? What is this???

QUESTION: While we're on the topic of asinine things, why do the Hardy Boyz rise up through the flames on the stage jamming their index fingers into their temples?? Does this represent some spooky-booga Goth thing? C'mon.

THE QUICK NOTES

STELLAR to Chris Jericho for finally losing Curtis Hughes. Why the WWF hindered Jericho with that guy, I'll never understand.

STELLAR to that Atlanta crowd. Atlanta might be the unholiest city in the world, but at least the people get into the matches. NOTHING like when the crowd makes the sound effects. Nothing better.

Interesting how Billy Gunn was always percieved to be the future world title contender, and the Road Dogg is the one with the third highest-selling merchandise.

A flirtatious smile to CRZ.net's Michaelangelo, whom I'm sure gave a horrendous shudder when Mae Young stepped over the ropes and we got a pink-clad open-ended view of her... can I actually call it a technical term? She IS rather old. Anyways, we'll say that I'm sure Michaelangelo would prefer the view of someone else in front of him. Can't imagine who.

X-Pac over Faarooq? Whatever.

"Women are magnetically attracted to Mark Henry."

Oh, ya, that's it right there. Absolutely. I get frantically horny every time his name is mentioned. I get the impulse to whip off my shirt, expose my perfect breasts and press them against the screen every time I see that sweating mass lumber down the ramp. Right.

Bulldog deserves an automatic title shot? Whatever.

1999 - the Year of the Pimp. The popularity of the Godfather, and the rising of Kid Rock. Unreal.

Paul "Big Show" Wight's father has cancer? Whatever. It's a work. Why would Wight want the world to know, and then let the writers let Bossman badmouth him about it on national TV? C'mon. It's cheap heat. But the WWF better be careful with what they do with it.

Flashback to February 1998, when the New Age Outlaws shoved a bin with Chainsaw Charlie and Cactus Jack in it over the ramp and to the concrete floor. Why they decided to re-enact that with Chyna and Jeff Jarret, I really don't know.

MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Edge and Christian vs. The Hardys

Unbelievable pace and quickness. Little rest periods. Matt Hardy's full-blown moonsault off the top rope onto Edge on the concrete floor. Planchas. Oodles of dramatic finishers. Boo-yah. Someone loves me. Even if it was a double DQ.

That's it for me. Give a mail if you've got a question at cyan_77@yahoo.com. BrassKnuckles, give me a shout, please.

Until next time, I remain,

CyanIndigo
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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission