|
/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
|
|
/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
| Guest Columns | CyanIndigo |
MainBLAH |
SHE'S THE REAL DEAL Smackin' Down the Truth With oodles of bad tempermant and one fuck-witt of a boyfriend behind me in history, I am CYANINDIGO with the ever-changing, ever-controversial column that I wear with a smile and call my precious own. I AM the Internet Goddess of your wet dreams and I will most certainly put the ooh in your ooh-la-la if you amuse me, boys. And .... I am completely full of myself, just like everyone else on the Internet. Ah, well. If I don't do it here, where else can I? Besides, I can back it up. THE BIG STUFF Oh, the poor future of one Davey Boy Smith. It's unfortunate, but true. Readily apparent in this week's edition of RAW. Let me list the strikes against the British Bulldog and him being anywhere near title contention in four months: 1) Horrible music. Is it Jimmy Hart composing that shit? It's right up there with the whole "HE'S A MAN" theme for Steve Regal, and look where he is. Music is more important that you'd think, kids. It's essential that the audience know and recognize who is about to come out. No one will automatically recognize that horrid put-together of the Bulldog's. 2) Uninteresting finisher in the powerslam. It worked before, but in racier, more elaborate times like these, a powerslam is just about as deadly as the Rocky Maivia DEVASTATING SHOULDERBREAKER of 1997. 3) Mic Skills. Once again, 80's / WCW style is apparent. Plus it always looks like Smith is darting his eyes to cue cards the entire time he's talking. In the WWF, he'll be swept under the black mat. 4) Little to no crowd reaction. NADA. That's the biggest problem of all. The thing that every wrestler is looking for is REACTION. Good, bad, throwing candy wrappers. Doesn't matter. True, the British Bulldog was fantastically popular in the 1980's, and while I still harbour a soft soft for him, in this "Popular TV" temporary audience, he's uninteresting. Re-vamp him or set him into comfy mid-card territory. Speaking of comfy mid card territory, that's where Miss Chyna is apparently making her home. Interesting, isn't it? She is fast becoming a dominant force in the WWF, and not just with the wrestling-men bit. The WWF is fully aware of the role-model aspects that Chyna presents, and with every week that this whole kick-around-Jarrett-the-woman-hater schtick, more people are watching, and more people are interested in what she's going to do next. We have a genuine legend in the making right here, people, and I plan to be there when she's inducted into the Wrestling Hall of Fame. The New Age Outlaws could be headed there as well, what with the rather surprising re-unification of Gunn and Dogg, and another win of the tag title straps. The NAO is once again a dominant comeback-of-the-decade team, and one of the most over teams ever seen in the WWF. But why DID they get back together anyways? This was pretty much out of nowhere. Billy Gunn was feuding with... well, no one in particular. Road Dogg, what with his third-place merchandising (!) and amazing crowd response, was doing relatively well. Were they nostaglic? Were they unsatisfied? I could understand why Gunn would be, but Jesse James? Perhaps it has to do with this apparent re-forming of Degeneration X (sort of - doesn't quite have a kick without HHH and Chyna) Gunn, James, and the 1-2-3 Skid together once more.... and NO KANE. Left out in the cold, in the back of the ring, while the three men gestured and did the buddy-thing for the fevered crowd. Poor guy, without his lil' buddy to keep him company. SCREW THAT. Kane, honey, it's a good thing. Maybe the WWF is FINALLY going to yank you away from that little punk and throw you where you belong, and that's in world title contention. I'm surprised that they've waiting this long, what with Kane's vast improvement in his wrestling skills and his popularity with the crowd. And of course, the very limited amount of men who are actually in world title contention. It's getting repetitive and boring, so throw that red boy in there and let's get things interesting again! Although, I have to admit, that while the WWF might be repetitive, they sure as hell know how to handle the two minutes of overtime. PERFECT TEXTBOOK, I tell you. The Rock and HHH for the title. Wrestling (imagine that) Ref knocked out. Both men knocked out. 11:00pm on the dot. No ending. Both men lay there for a good, unpredictable minute and I bet no one left for any sucker-filled NITRO. Well, maybe when the Bulldog interfered a minute later. First Test in my main event, and now this. OY. STELLAR to Mae Young for taking that nasty bump against the edge of the ring and still getting up. I could have done without the strapless bra image (ALOT of people could have done without it) but you take what you can get. I doubt that I had the same horrified reaction as the guys when the first folds of skin were shown. I've seen worse. Think of THAT. STELLAR to Jericho for calling the Big Show "the biggest waste of sperm" and making my night, and to the Rock and the "Poontang Pie" reference that I will never forget. QUICK NOTES: When do you ever, EVER accept a promise from a MacMahon? EVER? Austin, you're a moron to believe that you're getting an easy title shot at No Mercy. It's too clean an arrangement, too nicely put together. Something is up. Stay tuned. Stevie Richards is being wasted. Where are they going to put Taz? Is there a ECW stable forming anytime soon? Do people really care about Test and Stephanie MacMahon getting married? And isn't Stephanie married to the Undertaker?? ACH. I don't know. Marriages should generally be kept OUT of wrestling. HHH's lines are unoriginal and boring. Writers! "This Is Your Life" - a waste of time? Hardly. Establishes the Rock's character, provides us with the first glance of Mankind frustration, and they get to have a little fun. No problem. That's it for me. I feel like flaying someone tonight. Send the mail to Cyan_77@yahoo.com if you've got a question. Nooch. CyanIndigo freelance Mail the Author |
BLAH |
Main |
||