I know, I know, it's been a while, but I humbly lick CRZ's boots (and anything else he deems worthy) and apologize for the delay in columns from yours truly.

Why haven't I written? Simple. I haven't had a thing to say.

The way I figure it, I'd rather write no column than write a half-assed, distracted one. So I haven't. Call me as bad as Chris Hyatte, but not nearly as good.

Not to mention that I've been silently cheering on from the sidelines the return of Michaelangelo to [slash] wrestling and his Good, Bad and Ugly. Being the supportive girlfriend and all that.

Oh, and I'm also back in Canada. EH!! Vacation time for the next few days, seeing all the old friends and realizing that I haven't really picked up the New England accent after all. A VERY nice thing to discover.

So anyways. Today's news, notes and theories comes to you from the BIG DICK'S Bar and Eatery, where there is no sound on RAW because the music is so loud, Lenny Kravitz on the stereo, and no one hits on me because I'm sure I've got "taken" written all over my chest.

RUMOURS I'VE HEARD (WWF and WCW)

Who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin last year? The latest suspects are: Stephanie MacMahon-Helmsley, Triple H, and Vince MacMahon.

Steven Regal was set to make his RAW debut last night, but his segment was cut due to time constraints.

Raven was not at RAW last night, as the WWF is still undecided on what to do with him. Though there has been speculation concerning the introduction of Scott Levy, better known as Raven, to WWF fans, it appears that he will still be referred to as he was in both ECW and WCW. In the latest edition of the Ross Report, J.R. referred to him as "Raven," and a good number of wrestling fans also know him to be of that character, or persona

Hardcore Holly should be back in the WWF around Survivor Series, but could be on TV in mid to late October to be setting up a few feuds with some current midcarders, possibly Tazz or Val Venis.

Mideon's "Naked Man" character was suggested to management by Perry Saturn after a backstage competition between Kurt Angle and Mideon in which the two competed to see who could stay naked the longest went in Mideon's favor

(I throw this in just to show what a schmuck he is) Bill Goldberg cut his hand on the bus front grill while ripping himself away from the bus that the was hancuff too. The grill wasn't exactly supposed to break off though. When it came off, it cut Goldberg's hand, thus hurting him again. No word on how serious the cut is. (Ass)

Chyna announced for the first time on television that she'll be gracing the cover of Playboy, scheduled to be released on September 25 according to Jerry Lawler.

As earlier reported, Juventud Guererra is still going back and forth about what he'll do when his WCW contract expires. The company is making efforts to sign him and have offered him a small raise as part of a new contract offer. Juvi says he is 50-50 regarding where he'll end up.

On Aug. 29, WCW employees caused a disturbance on an airline flight headed fo Tucson, Ariz. Sources say that several employees, wrestlers included, appeared to be intoxicated and disrupted the flight. At one point, referee Marcus Johnson got on the plane's p.a. system and joked that they would be passing out condoms shortly. Someone else let off a stink bomb on the plane. According to sources, the airline called ahead and requested that a WCW official meet the flight at the airport. The sources went onto say that Janie Engle, a WCW executive secretary, met the flight on behalf of WCW and was told that the airline plans to file charges against three of the WCW employees. When confronted, several wrestlers blamed ring announcer David Penzer for causing the disturbance. While witnesses say Penzer caused his share of commotion on the flight, the wrestlers were simply passing the blame onto him to save themselves.

At the Sept. 5 Thunder taping, Daffney suffered a rib injury. Initial reports say that she was concerned that at least one of her ribs might be fractured.

Madusa is not very popular with most of the women she is training. Sources say the women are complaining that she works stiff with them during training. At Thunder, Madusa earned more heat for taking liberties during a match with Torrie Wilson.

The push that Big Vito has received in recent weeks was originally scheduled to go to Billy Kidman. When Kidman suffered his throat injury, Vito was given his spot and has gotten over, much to the surprise of management. When Kidman returns sometime during the next couple of weeks, he is scheduled to start a program with Madusa vs. Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson.

Tank Abbott's future role with WCW is up in the air in the sense that the booking crew isn't sure what to do with him. He hasn't improved his in-ring wrestling skills and there is talk of sending him to the Power Plant to work on his skills. His reputation from UFC is pretty much a non-factor now, and his physique doesn't translate into drawing power in the pro wrestling world. Combine that with a somewhat directionless character and there is no solid plan for him at this point

STUFF I'VE NOTICED

I'm wondering how true HHH's words were a week or two ago. During the whole "who called the cops on HHH" accusatory segment a week or two back, HHH blamed Commissioner Mick Foley, stating that despite the "roly-poly, happy-go-lucky" exterior, there was a bitter, jealous man underneath who resented HHH for ending his career. It was dismissed later on, and never brought up again, but hell, HHH is right. I'm surprised that all the blame is going to Kurt Angle.

Think about it. Who started planting the seeds for dissolving Triple H and Stephanie's marriage? Mick did. When Chris Jericho started insulting Stephanie on a regular basis, and HHH went to kick his ass, who was in the commissioner's favour? Who gave Jericho little nudges and advantages? Who LET Jericho say what he wanted? Mick did.

Now comes the apparent affections of Kurt Angle towards Stephanie. Who plays footage over and over of awkward moments? Who makes matches for HHH and Angle to team together, even those they despise each other? Who reminds HHH of Kurt and Stephanie's moments, refueling the jealousy and basically making the night a huge clusterfuck?

I would call that revenge. Wouldn't you?

Even though Lita and Ivory put on a good wrestling match this past RAW, I think I understand why interest flaggers back and forth regarding the women's division. They don't quite have that "larger than life" way that defines a good wrestler; the women look like women, nothing more, nothing less.

Compare to HHH, who is cut like a Greek God and who's character IS larger than life, or any other members of the WWF roster. Now, the difference between the women and the men is that more effort goes into making the personality and the character of the male wrestler. The attire and minimal wrestling skills are the things that are focused on with the female wrestler. Who has a personality in the women's division, honestly? And who has a personality, a set character, in the male division?

A question that's being asked around the Net is: Why is Chyna acting like such a girl?

Obviously, the whole Eddie Guerrero / Chyna relationship is reaching a strange sort of point, in that Eddie is turning E-VILL right before our eyes, and yells at poor hugely-muscular Chyna who cowers and cries in the corner. We're so used to seeing a stone-faced Chyna that this kind of behaviour baffles us. Shouldn't she be kicking his ass for disrespecting her, DDT'ing his face into the mat.

The easy answer? She will. But not for a little while yet, and I'll tell you why.

Recent interviews with Chyna have stated that she's been focusing moreso on being "feminine" than anything else these days, due to years of heckling and insults thrown her way about her large physique. Hence the reason why she was put into a storyline relationship with Eddie. She didn't have to kick ass (although she still did) she was focused more on being a girl infatuated with....heh...... Latino Heat. Have you ever seen Chyna smile? Have you ever seen Chyna cry? I can't recall a time that I have.

I AM NOT BY ANY MEANS SAYING THAT BEING DOMINATED BY A MAN IS TYPICAL FEMININE BEHAVIOUR, REPEAT, I AM NOT. I'm merely saying that she's being realistic and in love. Read: supposedly in love. When you're in love, you put up with some pretty crazy things, you know it, and I know it. And the fact that Chyna hasn't drilled Eddie yet is a way to show that she cares, which is a first for her. She's softer now, smiles all the time, carries around roses, and in turn, by showing she's in love, she's expressing her femininity, which is what she's wanted all this time.

Sure, she'll go back to kicking ass soon enough, but for the moment, that's why she's putting up with Eddie's behaviour. In the meantime, we have a nifty little "reluctant heel" angle going on, with Eddie making the smooth transition to the type of heel character he always excelled at, and Chyna maintaining her face reaction and appeal.

QUICK NOTES

X-Pac will never be a bad-ass.

Is Chris Benoit considered to be a top player / main eventer yet?

Glad to see that they incorporated Matt and Jeff Hardy into those "Do not try this at home" commercials. Last thing I need is for Michaelangelo to start trying to do a Swanton Bomb onto the bed from the ceiling fan.

Why hasn't Lillan Garcia been a Dudley victim yet?

Lita needs to work on precision in her moonsaults. I can't imagine how sore Ivory's boobs must have been after getting whacked by Lita's legs.

I got my hand shook by one of the bartenders because he'd never met a female wrestling fan before. I'm not sure if that was a bad pick-up line, or a compliment. You decide.

How are Trish Stratus's boobs held in place so firmly? I'm serious, they never move. EVER. Put forth no effort and watch them sometimes. It's a little scary.

Whatever happened to the Chris Jericho / HHH feud? That disappeared in a hurry.

Al Snow has been given a weird, weird gimmick. Seeing him dressed up in German nationality on RAW.... and this is supposed to get him over?

What the hell happened to Tazz's intimidation?

I believe a new re-vamp of sorts is in store for Too Cool.

I am extremely surprised to hear that the WWF is bringing up the storyline used to explain Steve Austin's absence from the wrestling ring, and is now demanding that the hit-and-run driver who "put" Steve in the hospital come forth. The current showing of continuity (and a well-done incorporation) is why WWF is so successful with both the casual and long-running fan.

I'm also surprised to hear about this whole "SMACKDOWN CHALLENGE" thing-a-ma-jig regarding bringing on Presidential candidates Al Gore and George W. Bush and having them debate. Or something. The question is not " will they do it?" ('cause I bet they will, just to try and get some more votes) The question is "what percentage of the audience will be paying a lick of attention?"

Just a thought.

No letters to share, because I haven't written a thing in a month. Oopsie.

Either way, that's it for me. Mail, as always, can go to cyanindigo@hotmail.com. I won't really be able to check the mail much, since I'll be in the recesses of Canada for another week or so, but I promise to read and respond when I get back to New England.

Deal?