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CyanIndigo

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BLAH

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Greetings, y'all.

Miss me? Doubt it.

Pardon my downcast (heh) demeanour, but I'm a pussy when it comes to outdoor storms and crashing thunder and all that. Not to mention that it's just one of those days when you just feel..... sad. You know?

Well, anyways. Enough of that. Apologies to CRZ for not submitting an aniversery column like I should have, out of respect, but I've been excedingly lazy, playing A LOT of EVERQUEST and other stuff.

And quite frankly, I haven't had much to say about the wrestling world.

Sorry.

I just didn't want to waste your time, my little pets. And lying to CRZ is like lying to a second-rate god. I'd rather not take the risk.

But now.... oh, but NOW, I have things to say, things to rant and ramble and cuss and do all those fun things about. I've been secluded for way too long, and I feel the need to shake a few things loose.

Did ya MISS ME?!?!?!

Alright, forget I asked. Leave my ego alone.

SOME SEMI-BIG STUFF

It's pleasant to see the MacMahon Family downsizing themselves like everyone begged and pleaded for them to do. Funny, though, considering we all know that at some point, fans will start speculating when Vince MacMahon will make an inevitable return. It is funny; when he's here, we bitch and moan that he's on too much, and when he's not, we excitedly predict what role he'll play in that time's top storyline.

Linda, thankfully, will stick to the sporadic appearances, I'd presume. No complaints here.

Seeing Shane and Stephanie MacMahon in the spotlight, however, doesn't irk me a bit. I always thought that Shane had a flair for the mic, not to mention consistantly impressing with these feats of daring, like at the King of the Ring and being choke-slammed through an announcer table. And Stephanie, while getting more pornographic in her attire, still infuriates a lot of people, and provides the foundation for some of the federations top feuds (Triple H wouldn't be fighting with Kurt Angle or Chris Jericho as hotly if it wasn't for her.... So be a little thankful)

By the way, if the rumours floating around the internet are true, then there's a good chance that Shane might be heading up the WWF's newest stable (anything to de-emphasize the work that Trish Stratus is doing) composed of (remember, rumours) Chris Benoit, Edge and Christian, Perry Saturn, possibly Kane, and quite possibly that ECW staple RAVEN.

If you didn't know about it, I'll let you in on the deal. Apparently, Raven's contract expires in August, after which he has already signed a three-year deal (verbally or on paper, I'm not sure) with the World Wrestling Federation. I find it interesting that rumours are flying around about Raven before he even officially sets foot in the WWF, but either way, that's the story. He'd come in sooner, but for whatever reason Paul Heyman isn't giving Raven his release, even though Raven has on multiple occasions announced that "this" is his last show in ECW.

I don't understand that; maybe that's the kid in me. Why keep around someone who's unwilling to work, co-oraporate? Is it bad blood since Heyman knows Raven's on his way to probably super-stardom in another federation? Or just an example of pretending to get your money's worth out of a person? I don't know.

I have to admit that I'm starting to be pleasantly surprised how this Rock vs. Chris Benoit feud is turning out. Now, predictability would assume that since Benoit has been kicking around the Rock for the majority of the feud, that the Rock will retain the belt. Hell, that could be entirely true, after all the Rock has only held the belt for a month.

BUT.

Chris Benoit as the champ.

CHRIS BENOIT. Oooh. OOH. Tell me that doesn't sound completely cool.

And it could happen. Why do I say that? Because I honestly believe that if any match is going to follow that old formula of "heel beats up the face / face gets revenge at the PPV", it's going to be Chris Jericho. And the WWF wouldn't repeat the same sort of ending for both. And why not? I, for once, would be completely shocked and completely happy to see Benoit snatch the gold away.

But I'm not a Rock fan. And he'll probably take it. Most likely, at FULLY LOADED, it'll end with a clean win on Benoit. I bet you money, and a choice of cookie. Rock will retain the belt.

I'll also be held responsible for holding Michaelangelo's head in my lap as he weeps.

Heh heh.

Ahem.

Oh, come on. Let me make ONE SEX JOKE.

Speaking of Chris Jericho, here's another feud that's shaping up to be pretty damn cool. The beatings, the inclusion of Stephanie MacMahon......

Hell, let me just mark out right now. The WWF is starting to really kick ass. This PPV sports one of the best line-ups this year, showcases three up-coming talents that will be main-eventers before this time next year, and it's fantastic. I'm thrilled at the way Kurt Angle and HHH are slowly being shoved towards each other in what is sure to be one of the better fueds of the year. I like the fact that Chris Benoit is getting the same top-caliber attention he was just starting to sample in the WCW, here in the WWF.

And Chris Jericho, while I sense some trouble reaching that top pinnacle of success (I fear that the taints of WCW are still with him.... hard to understand I know, but he hasn't reached that level yet) the fact that he's participating in a Last Man Standing Match this Sunday against HHH, despite his slight faltering, will give him the spotlight that he deserves. It should be good.

Undertaker, with his new bike and accent and tough-ass leather gear, is another one who seems to be faltering a little. Don't get me wrong, the fans love him, and he makes quite an impression. But then again, there's no walking of the tight-rope. There's no suicide dives over the top rope onto the concrete floor. Hell, we haven't even seen a flying clothesline.

He's lacking in interest being a straight punching man.

Brawlers generally bring something else along to help them up the ladder (ie Mick Foley - not a real wrestling type, but made up for it by taking some of the most spectacular bumps ever seen on primetime TV) so the way I see it, I don't think that the Undertaker can survive with a bike and a couple of punches. Even with the help of that oft-advertised Kid Rock song.

Perry Saturn has been teamed with Terri in an attempt to get this last member of the Radicals over with the crowd. I've even heard WWF officials say that Perry Saturn is the next big thing. I say that he's too funny- looking, and too mute to be considered "the next big thing." It's harsh, I know, but I don't see it. I see great wrestling ability, but we all know how far that gets you in the wrestling world today.

Val Venis is the Intercontinental champion, with a short hair-cut, raver-style entrance music and Trish Stratus as a "strictly professional" valet. No porn gimmick, no gyrations, no sexual innuendos at all.

A shame.

Val Venis, even though he still has the unusual name, is a geriatric wrestler now. What defines him? His hunger to be himself? Come on, that's not interesting, every heel is out to be good to himself and himself only. He's supposed to be a raver? My best friend is an extreme raver, and that music they play isn't even real raver music, let along the actual wrestler.

(By the way, the thing I ask is: we were never strictly told that Test and Albert were only "professionally involved" with Trish. Why are we reminded of Val and Trish's "pro-relationship" on a regular basis?

Her boobies scare me.)

An interesting point was brought up by a fellow webcaster: with Val Venis holding the strap, who's the competition? Rikishi? Well, maybe for a while, but who else? They brought up Eddie Guerrero, but he's comfy with the European strap. Hardcore Holly was originally scheduled to be pushed, but that's out the door due to his arm surgery. Who else?

The Acolytes are not nearly as popular or entertaining without the Acolyte Protection Agency vignettes. They need to bring those back instead of focusing on those Triple H promos. Or Mick Foley promos, for that matter.

Some little rumours I've heard that I'll pass along for fun:

  • Crash Holly is set to win the Lightweight title from Dean Malenko in the near future. Although I don't think it'll be nearly as popular as the whole Hardcore battles, it'll be a good thing. Good wrestling.

  • Viscera is all set to come back with a new gimmick. Apparently Vince MacMahon favours him. No, I don't know why, nor do I know what possible good thing Viscera could bring to the Federation. He sucked as Mabel, he did nothing as an Undertaker minion, and he's not an interesting big man.

  • the Rock is apparently receiving a lot of backstage heat for acting "invincible" in the ring and never taking any serious bumps. The boys seem to think it's cowardice; I say it's a nasty case of Goldberg-itis.

  • Hardcore Holly and Tori both underwent surgery for their shoulder / arm injuries. It's being said that since Tori's time away will make her current storyline with the 1-2-3 Skid dissipate, she might be put somewhere else upon her return.

  • Big Show will return either at Fully Loaded or the RAW afterwards. I'd bet on the later.

  • Along with the rumour of Shane MacMahon starting his own little neo-DX stable, I actually heard somewhere that a reformation of THE BROOD might take place, with Gangrel and a few other new-comers. Remember, just rumours, just fun.

    Tickets!! Feel jealous, my little pretties, on August 13th and 14th I'll be heading to the RAW and SMACKDOWN tapings in Providence and ..... somewhere else. I forget, BUT I am going. Nice seats, although you won't be able to see me or my companions (and who?) (But we'll see your giant CRZ sign, right? - CRZ) I'm wondering if CRZ would let me go back to my Source roots and write recaps of the above-mentioned live shows. We'll see. (...if I'll LET you? What am I gonna do, say "no?" - CRZ)

    Anyways, that does it for me. Check out X-MEN as soon as you can; I saw it on opening night and was astounded at how kick-ass it turned out to be. Very faithful to the comic, very cool scenes.

    Oh, and no, I don't know what the ex-slasher Michaelangelo is doing in terms of writing wrestling columns anymore. If I had to take an honest guess, I'd say that it's not happening. Sorry, guys, but he might surprise myself and everyone else.

    Then again, since everyone on [slash] seems to think that he and I are the same person: a bald, 40 year old loser.....eh.

    Feel free to write to me at cyanindigo@hotmail.com if you like, but don't expect me to pass along messages.

    Ciaobella. It's turning out to be one hell of a strange Americana summer.

    CyanIndigo
    [slash] wrestling
    Celandra on the Luclin Server

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