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UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Since I was with four other beer-swilling New England guys, we decided that the only logical place to go for dinner was Hooters. Yes, it is exactly like the movie Big Daddy. Pretty young waitresses in tight shirts and tiny orange shorts. I thought about Cyan the entire time, I swear.

- Michaelangelo in this week's KOTR On-Site report.

RIGHT. Sure he did.

Don't think I'm not onto what thoughts were going through your head, dear boy.

All I can say is that I'd look far better in that costume, and you'd better keep your hands clean. I'll sick our strange little group of fans on you. I will rule over you like an evil dictator rules over his country. Now dance for me!

*ahem*

No apologies go out to StevenSams, who bitched at me for not responding to his semi-long letter written last week. I stick my tongue out at you, and don't expect any other use to come of it, punk.

Good news! Michaelangelo and I are going to the August 14th (13th?) RAW AND the SMACKDOWN taping the next day! Although we got royally screwed out of getting ringside tickets (and ticketmaster buyers beware: find out if there's "wristband reservations" given out before you go and wait in line at 6am with a bunch of grumpy teenagers without these said "wristbands") we still got nice seats and it should be a blast.

And since that painter of mine has press creditials, maybe if I butter him up real nice, he'll get a press pass to go backstage.

I'll be his "photographer." Heh, heh.

(Sounds like a true porno flick. Can you hear that 70's music?)

Anyways.

[smiles]

I ended up getting the KING OF THE RING, just to treat myself, and was rather nicely amused. How so?

TWO PAGES WORTH OF NOTES...... MY GOD

Some people have wondered why certain things happened at the King of the Ring. Allow me to explain the logic behind some of the WWF's decisions.

Why did Chris Benoit disqualify himself so early on in the KOTR tournament?
Because he made the impression that he was wanting to make. An intense, homicidal technical freak who's so obsessed with his title that he'll literally destroy an opponent. He used a chair, he slapped on the crippler crossface and never let go, and swan-dove over a pack of objecting officials to slam a flying headbutt into Rikishi's chest. The WWF is more concerned with building Benoit up as a feared heel than anything else, and as I said in the last column, he doesn't need to be the King. He made an impression, that's what counts.

Why did Crash Holly go so far? 'Cause he's cute and funny. Fans like him, and it's actually rather amusing when you think about the amount of PPV time that Crash actually got. He had two matches, not to mention the run-in and stealing of the Hardcore title from Gerald Brisco. My question is: sure, he got a lot of exposure, and people really like him. So.... what are they going to do with him? Can you see him as Intercontinental champion?

Why did Rikishi Phatu get all the way to the finals? Oy. It's the re-introduction of the whole "underdog keeps going until the very end, when he gets royally beaten while putting forth a valiant effort." WWF's just trying to get him further into the face category, especially now that he's holding the Intercontinental championship. Best way to do it is have him keep going and going (like a little fat train) keep fighting, keep the faith brotha, and then have his dreams dashed at the end. Mid to upper card face projection.

I cannot express my shock enough at the porn quality shit that went down at the Dudleys / DX match. Maybe 'cause I'm a girl, but I sure as hell wouldn't want D-Von Dudley's face between my legs for 11 seconds in front of the world. ( I wonder if Tori was pissed off.) This was more like ECW risque style; it makes me curious.

And on a related note, there were never so many swear words in the air when the Road Dogg and the 1-2-3 Skid got the official win over the Dudley's.... AGAIN. I think it's because the 1-2-3 Skid sits in on production meetings and gets a say in the booking, because there's no way in hell that those two should continually dominate for over two months. Oh, to be friends with Triple H.

One problem I had with the KOTR is this: the necessity for a face to be against a heel in the tournament makes for unneeded predicability. In the semi-finals, if a face (Rikishi) won his match, automatically it meant that the heel in the next match was going to win (Val Venis) Use this theory with all the matches. It's not necessary to ALWAYS have face vs. heel. Sometimes it spices things up to mix it up a little.

By the way, so many people are pissy about Stephanie MacMahon-Helmsley still having the Women's Title, I feel the need to clarify why exactly they're keeping it on her.

First of all, did you see the amount of people that screamed for blood when Lita was screwed out of winning the title a few weeks back? That's a reaction, a good reaction. The longer the WWF keeps the belt on Stephanie, someone that EVERYONE hates and wants her ass kicked, the more attention that will be brought to the Women's Division.

That's what this is really about; getting people's attention on the Women's Division again.
Stephanie would have to lose the title in a women's match. Enter Lita (who deserves it) who always gets screwed out of winning, and people want to strangle her, or at least get Lita to do it for us. Get it? Add in Tori, the "bodyguard", Jacqueline, or anyone else in a little while and presto! for the time being, people are interested in the women's division.

By the way, Lita just keeps on trucking her way into being my heroine. The agility and sharpness in her huricanranas makes me want to find a wrestling school around here. I heard Killer Kowalski is nearby.....

Props go out to Shane MacMahon for once again proving his worth and taking an insane bump out of nowhere. I hope he's alright; he went through that announcer table shoulder first, and hard for that matter. So far, no injury reports on him, so here's hoping everything's good. He got respect too; I heard that the crowd was applauding Shane as he was helped back up after the match.

I'm pretty sure it's going to be HHH vs. Jericho in the next little bit, with the Rock going up against Kurt Angle (here's hoping) or the Undertaker (bleah) According to friends, the cheers for Angle are completely staggering. Whether or not the WWF can keep him a face is questionable; everyone loves this guy.

People are starting to like Chris Benoit too. Hear the cheers when he was beating the shit out of Rikishi? That wasn't what was expected. Everyone fucking hates Rikishi; it's kinda funny. Tazz, Val Venis, Benoit, T & A......

By the way, I think that the reason why Tazz interfered in the Monday night RAW match between Rikishi and Benoit was to keep the belt on Rikishi, not on Benoit. A little reverse revenge; Benoit was the one who (story-line) put Tazz out of action, so what better way to fuck up your enemy than to keep away the one thing that he really, desperately wants back? Benoit is nuts about the Intercontinental belt.

I think people were genuinely surprised that the Rock won the title. I honestly thought it was all Kane after he hit the surprise tombstone on HHH.

Are we seeing another Vince MacMahon face turn with this whole "I'm sorry" routine while driving off in his limo somberly?

A funny "Fountain of Youth" thing about the WWF: the more popular you get, the more immune you are to chair-shots, stairs, belt-shots.......it's a bloody miracle for these boys.

On the contrary. HHH is aging early.

Shawn Michaels is still cute, but aging as well.

Eddie Guerrero was impressive this weekend with his inclusion of those grand submission holds that he used to flourish in the WCW. Bravomissimo. Lot of fancy words there.

The members of Too Cool were extremely flimsy champions. I'm not surprised that the WWF took the belts off them; there's no way that they should be dominating the tag-team division.

Jim Ross makes the WORM sound like a prized innovation.

When am I going to see another Jericho TRIPLE powerbomb? Those doubles just don't cut it for me.

Did you hear the huge boos when the Hardys were eliminated from the Four Way Tag Team match at the KOTR? When are those guys going to get the belts again? Do you realize that the only time these guys have been Tag Champs was June 29, 1999, and only for 15 days?

I'm sorry. Bull Buchanan looks like an absolute moron. I can't take him seriously; he's too funny looking. Little tufts of hair and a crooked sneer. And have you noticed the absolute shit-jobs that are the themes for Val Venis and Bull Buchannan? What character are they trying to give Val, if any?

Mick Foley looked nice and rested on RAW. Here's an example of what I think was a blatent usage of the Internet opinion. For MONTHS, people have been saying that Mick should be brought back in the commissioner role, and look what happens. I honestly think that it's the Internet that made it happen. Pat yourself on the back, fellas.

Stevie Richards ain't going nowhere.

The WWF has the goofiest, most ridiculous King of the Ring attire I've ever seen. It makes Jerry Lawler look like a coverboy for GQ style.

On a related note, while Mick looked good, Trish Stratus did not. I honestly can't see her appeal. I think Lita, the Kat and Terri are far prettier. She's got big shiny boobs, but they're so slick-looking, I'd be afraid to hug her. Wouldn't you? You'd never get your hands on them, it'd be like handling soap in the shower.



Letters! Questions are numbered, answers in italic. Thanks to all who wrote.

1) "Hi Ms. Indigo (I'm nasty or something). I just wanted to let you know that the rap song that the filthy animals are using is "A Vivrant Thing" by Q-tip. It's actually kinda funny because I didn't put 2 and 2 together until you said something in your column. I knew there was a reason why I liked the song. I hope I was of some help to you after all the enjoyment I've gotten out of your hard work that you put into your column." - Jeff

A-HA! I thought it was something like that. I just didn't want to call the Filthy Animal a rip-off of "Vibrant / Vivacious Thing" and be called a dumb-ass. Bloody copycats. (by the way, thanks for the info everyone, I got a lot of response on that question.)

2) "Hi Cyan. I can't beat up the painter over not doing the right thing (giving you the ticket, and making you breakfast to make up for it) because I don't have his addy. Now I am sure a fast look around CRZ's site I could find it but then I would have no excuse to write.
Love the last 2 columns, and I am very glad you're back. I'm sure your front would make me glad as well, but I shall just have to wonder."
- Kurt

Question: is this a flirtatious letter? My front WOULD make you very happy. Any part of me would. I'm a well-rounded person.

3) "I am not sending Mikey hate mail. I refuse to. Mainly 'cause I just asked a minor favor of him. YOU, however, are a different story. You like Spawn (or at least have read it once). This is acceptable, encouraged even. But, being the anal-retentive type that I am, it's spelled McFarlane. Not McFarlene. This may be really picky of me, but we're talkin' 'bout the mighty Todd, here. Aw, to hell with it. How can I stay mad at you?" - Boon

No one can stay mad at me. Hell, why would you want to? And apologies to the mighty Todd McFarlane for my fuckage of his last name. Being a Canadian, I should know better, given that it's the holder of Mark McGwire's balls.

And speaking of holding balls, I'd best be on my way.

Why are there two columns this week? Because the other one was meant to be posted during the weekend. (You'd think that by now, people would have figured out that if you WANT something up in a timely fashion, you SHOULDN'T send it to me on a Friday! Oh well. - CRZ)

Oh, well. Here's another one.

And to those who always mean to write but never do, don't be afraid!! I'm actually quite nice, and any questions about wrestling, I can answer. cyanindigo@hotmail.com

And if I can't, I send my harem out to finish the job.

This is CyanIndigo.

CyanIndigo
[slash] wrestling's Shining Star.... Well, Sorta

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