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CyanIndigo

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BLAH

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Greetings, y'all.

It's been a little while, but after some much needed sleep, multiple movie screenings and so much television that I feel like my face consists of a variety of pixels, I feel fresh as a Florida daisy.

Take what you want from that.

As most know, I recently moved from the cold recesses of dear Canadia to the New England area (and I will admit, I'm adapting the most fucked-up accent ever - half Canadian and half Bostonian, it's bloody ridiculous) It's been interesting to say the least, your Americana. Your money is all one colour, all the labels are different on your various food items, and the traffic is completely insane.

Yep. I'm thinking of sticking around, becoming a wannabe American.

So anyways, the reason why my pretty name hasn't been seen on [slash] wrestling in the last while is because I left the site on a small hiatus. On a bad note, pissed off at the world and all that sort of 80's punk-anarchy attitude, doing my best to swear properly.

I got a lot of shitty hate mail, to put it lightly.

But I've chilled a little, and if I can offer any sort of advice to the ticked-off Internet personality, take a few weeks off. Nothing quite as nice as watching that fine thing called professional wrestling without taking notes or worrying about the shitty nature of your VCR. Not to mention that your hate mail slowly trickles away, leaving more room for junk advertising from the Good China company and bean-selling home marketing opportunities.

So, in a true opening conclusion, I'm basically flipping the biggest bird in all the nay-sayers direction right now who pissed me off and made me take time off from the thing I enjoy doing. I'm a sensitive girl, but I'll learn. If I feel like writing about something, I think I will. As I told my old roommate, you can merrily go and f*** yourself. If I get the derogatory shit, I'm sicking my minions on you.

Bueno?

(On a side note, if you're looking for a new flick to rent, try "SLC PUNK" Very fine indy piece about the 1985 punk rock scene that I just watched with that old [slash] staple Michaelangelo.)

SOME BIG STUFF

The big talk these days is the outcome of the King of the Ring, and mainly what the main event is going to consist of, considering that in recent telecasts, we've been introduced to three separate number one contenders. Since the Undertaker has finally made his return (after ripping his pectoral muscle like a true dumbass just before making a return) and now Kane has pirouetted and held the belt high in the air, we've got some interesting shit on our hands.

I'm not surprised that the WWF opted to save the idea of the Fatal Fourway match between HHH, the Rock, Kane and the UT for a later point, perhaps SummerSlam 2000. Something like that takes all the attention away from any matches beforehand, and with this year's King of the Ring appearing more interesting than ever, it's a good. So instead of the forementioned match, we're going to be treated

Who's likely to win? First gut reaction says that it might be the Rock, Kane,and Undertaker reigning victorious, probably not cleanly, but a victory I assure you. I smell some more dissention between the MacMahon-Hemsley Faction arising at the KOTR (which by the way, I COULD have gone to, if my dear sweet Michaelangelo had gotten another ticket to the luxury box seats. Whatever, I say. Whatever.)

HHH is headed for a face turn,by the way. It's been brought to my attention by my signifigant other that the crowds are starting to finish Hunter's catch phrases, which is a subtle, but sure sign that things are looking for a change. Take people like the Rock, who was a class-act heel until the crowds started in with the whole "roody-poo" schtick, and Steve Austin, who was a clear-cut heel but for whatever reason became the popular schmuck that he is.

Consider this scenario: At some point, the bickering between the MacMahon-Helmsley faction escalates to the point where HHH is cast off by the others, who turn their backs on him completely. At that point, something that has never really happened in wrestling should happen here: HHH would have absolutely no allies, friends or anything else. Only enemies. Sure, people like the Rock and Stone Cold are loners, with "no friends", but we've seen how that isn't the case, mainly with Mick Foley worming his lovable ways in, and others forming alliances to defeat the nast-bad factions of the WWF. I'm talking, in regards to HHH, NO FRIENDS. ALLIES. NOTHING.

This is where it gets interesting, because at this point, HHH should get his ass kicked regularly for at least a month. Say Vince MacMahon books a match with the Undertaker and Kane vs. HHH and any partner of his choice. Anyone. So a camera follows HHH around the locker room as he asks random people to be his partner, and every single one brings up a time when HHH screwed them over. If he asks Test, Test'll tell him that HHH stole his fiancee. If he asks the 1-2-3 Skid, he'll tell him no since HHH screwed him over and used him so many times. No partner equals a handicap match, and HHH gets his ass whipped.

After a while, he can rise up on his own and start kicking ass again, move up the ranks. I've always said that the best way to explore a character is to throw him to the bottom of the heap and make him literally work his way up to the top, through the Brooklyn Brawler to D-Lo Brown to all the rest. No exception here. As he works his way up, everyone knows what potential he has for being a top face again; he was all of 1998 a fantastic DX face. As he makes a comeback, he can easily move into the face category, and quite frankly, he could be a great one, as great a face as he makes a heel.

The Rock, on the other hand, would make my day by turning heel in some form. With the Undertaker, Kane, Rikishi, and Chris Jericho, all in the face category, heels are needed. Same goes with Steve Austin when he returns; an attempt to regain the heel heat would be stellar. But the one who should be pushed the most is in becoming a feared and hated heel is..... Chris Benoit.

Yup. Mind you, this isn't my theory, this is the goofy ramblings of one [slash] Michaelangelo while driving back to his house on a Thursday afternoon. But since he's on hiatus, and it makes sense, I'm gonna steal it. At the moment, the WWF is slowing building up the Crippler Crossface as one of the dreaded moves in sports entertainment. This is good, as is the short, terse pre-match comments that he makes before rushing the ring, adapting some heelish tactics in the ring (like whacking Jeff Hardy with the Intercontinental Belt after the match)

The next step is to have him cripple someone. Not for real, of course, but certainly there's a fair amount of wrestlers who need a few weeks of time off to heal some small nagging injuries. Have him slap on the Crippler Crossface for the submission win, and don't let go. Get the refs all out to stop him, try and drag him off while Jim Ross screams "he's a rabid wolverine!!" The opponent gets taken out on a stretcher, and to the hospital, and comments about his condition are made later in the show. Have this happen a few weeks in a row, at least, until the wrestlers come down to the ring hesitantly, try to get out of it.

At the same time, start figuring out an out of the ring personality for Benoit to adopt. While intensity and silence works for some people (most notably Goldberg) in the WWF, personality is just about everything. As he becomes recognized as a threat and a champ, do something unexpected, and put the World Title on him. Then let the fun begin, because if all goes well, for a few months Chris Benoit should decimate just about everyone, and really start a worry about how to get the belt off of him. When people think and debate about the best way to get a belt off of a competitor, you've done a good job.

Just theories, just reasons why I'm destined to stay a tempermental Web writer.

One thing I've been meaning to mention (but never did because I realized that I wasn't writing on the Net at that time) was the fact that Vince Russo, head writer for World Championship Wrestling, gives new meaning to the world "douchebag." I recently caught around a half hour of last week's WCW Live, and was brought to steaming fumation by the shit they were throwing around.

Allow me to express the thoughts of myself and the one who refuses to write.

Russo talks about how if you want to feel smart by being able to predict everything that's going to happen in the WWF, then do that, but if you want unpredicability and change, watch the WCW. No one watches wrestling just so they can predict it, dumbass. The WCW's idea of change is to switch the World Title back and forth for a record SEVENTEEN times (I looked it up) this year. That's predictable in it's own right, I'd say. If the title changing hands happens on a regular basis, isn't that also considered predictable?

Mark Madden called us WWF fans "sheep."

Personally, I'd rather be a sheep than a fat-ass pig like himself. Hail to the farm. Oink.

I can't express the amount of pissiness I feel over the fact that Lita made the number one contender position for the Women's Title, only to get fucked over by Tori and Stephanie, so that once again, that belt is hanging off her shoulders. I find Lita irresistably cool, for some reason, maybe it's because she can do a hurricanrana and I can't. Yet.

Trish Stratus seems to be a Pam Anderson wannabe. I like the original better; I'll always have respect for the fact that she is the only woman I've ever seen who actually looks like a comic book figure come to life.

Kurt Angle still needs a new finisher.

Buy me a rose sometime.

Since I got so much mail in the last few weeks, from numerous supporters and general inquirers, I thought I'd close this out with answering a few comments. Questions and / comments in italic Answers in normal text.

Your suggestions were interesting, though I don't understand why you'd want to do away with the Special Guest Referee. Do you write anywhere else? - Chris Depetro

Why do away with the Special Guest Referee? Because it distracts the viewer from the main two guys; because it guarantees screwjob endings and some sort of bias; because they keep choosing the most inept people for the position; because it's really not necessary.

And I used to write for a bunch of sites, but now I just stick with CRZ. 'Cause he's kinda sorta cute. If I had the nerve I'd send him a "will you go out with me? Circle YES NO or MAYBE" note.

Your column is the only reason I visit the site, and I rate it my No.1 just in front of the Hyatte Mop-Ups (yes, I like reading that too!) -Aloysuis

Good lord. Now I'm blushing. [blush] And I read the Mop-Up, just like everyone else. I'd buy Hyatte a drink.... if I was of legal age. Them's the breaks.

And even though you're in America now, don't forget about Canada, eh. - Jonathan Dalecki

Like I really would. Canada kicks ass, eh. Moo.

Good luck at university. Good luck with the painter. And good luck with your writing. I hope to see you on [slash] again soon. Peace. - Art Rinberger

I passed. We're grand. I'm back. For now.

Ciao.

CyanIndigo
[slash] wrestling

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