If life is a highway, does that mean we're driving on people all the time?

Are you scared yet?

No?

WHY THE HELL NOT?

Remember, this is not a test, this is CyanIndigo, and for once I'm actually half-way serious about that whole wrestling sports entertainment thing. Imagine that. But that's later.

The opener has to be extra screwy to make up for it. Hence the quoting from the Lord CTD, the porn-addicted engineer who could never EVER replace me as kick-ass RAW recapper.

I kick ass.

*kicks some computer geek in the butt*

See? Told you.

THE BIG STUFF (and it's pretty big for once, imagine that)

First off, Sunday's events. I saw the whole All Day Long thing on Sunday with that painter of mine, and was pleasantly, pleasantly surprised. Weren't you? I know that alot of people think that Ivory, as guest All Day commentator, was loud, obnoxoius, and incredibly annoying.

And I agree.

But..... I also think she'd make a great commentator or reporter.

Why? Well, on Sunday she had the whole "Michael Eager-Beaver Cole" thing going, over-doing it for the camera, trying to impress, which of course makes us all roll our eyes and pray to the gods for Jim Ross to show up.

BUT, she is well-spoken. Amusing. Knows the wrestling industry extremely well. Has fun with the job (when's the last time you saw THAT?) Look at it again. Imagine her toned down a little, not so eager and loud, and think of how much better she'd be than that Lillian Garcia.

Moving on, there is nothing like seeing old Wrestlemania footage. From Wrestlemania 1 through 'till 6, each match and memory is firmly fixed in my mind. Ranging from age 6 to 12, I was the one standing on my chair, fists clenched, more into it than any of my brothers and sisters (and about the size of my Strawberry Shortcake play house) shrieking that the Genius was a fairie.

Every match of those Wrestlemanias are amazingly familiar, from Gorilla and Ventura's commentary, to the awesome uprise of my childhood favourite, the "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

(Note: I WAS Elizabeth, I'm telling you.)

Seeing people like Brother Love, Hillbilly Jim and even Sgt. Slaughter in character, in full view on that TV screen being interviewed made me crave the pigtails and floppy foam hands again.

(Speaking of foam, what was so devastating about those foam knuckle things that old-school heels used to sneak in and use on their opponents? Jesus Christ, that's about as threatening as the X-Factor.)

By the way, I'd like to throw out a few little historic F-YOU's to the Wrestlemania highlights and matches and such.

F-YOU. There is no way in hell that the Ultimate Warrior should have gotten up from FIVE Macho Man top rope elbows, do his lame-ass gorilla press and splash finisher, and win. WHATEVER.

F-YOU. There is no way in hell that Hulk Hogan should be considered any part of a real wrestler, considering that every match was the same from Wrestlemania 2 til 9. "Hulking up", my ass. WHATEVER.

F-YOU. Mr. Perfect, aka Curt Hennig, should be getting way more respect than he does now. That man was one of the most gifted, charismatic underrated athletes of my fan generation. Mr. Perfect kicked ASS, he should have been way more than he was allowed to be.

Sensational Sherri was damn gorgeous underneath all that intricately bad make-up, and obviously horrid taste in clothing. Really. Go take a look.

And Shawn Michaels is a god in my books. He busted his ass at Wrestlemania 14 against Steve Austin with a pain-wrenching back, still gave it 110% percent, so much so that he was lying on his back in the dressing room after the match, in so much pain that he could barely speak.

That's intestinal fortitude, my friends.

WRESTLEMANIA 2000 - the be all of sports entertainment and all around ass-kicker of all PPV historic buy rates.

Well, I thought it sucked, frankly.

I wasn't amused with the quality of the matches, which didn't even seem up to RAW credentials. Maybe it was the overhype, but I can definately say that it didn't live up to expectations.

The good stuff? Bull Buccanan, believe it or not. I thought he was a Goldberg wannabe (and hey, he very well might be) but I was impressed with his flexibility, technical ability, intensity... so much so that I was asking Michaelangelo "what the fuck is this guy doing with the Big Boss Man of all people?"

That HardCore Battle Royal gave me a headache. Riddle me this: if it was announced who was the current Hardcore Champion, then why in the hell wouldn't the entire group of participants go after that guy? Why would they pair off and leave him to face one or maybe two schmucks who realized what was going on? Ridiculous.

Trish Stratus is utterly useless. She's slowly easing up on my "Imitation Sable" list, considering that neither of them present anything other than fake breasts and blonde hair to the whole thing. Oh, and incredibly annoying voices.

Test deserves far, FAR better than being in this silly T & A tag team with Albert (the name of champions, I'm sure) Have you seen the intensity of this guy? What he can do, the way that his size and appearance draws the attention? He has the moves, the looks, everything. That flying elbow off the top rope is a thing of beauty. Why he stopped getting his push after January is beyond me.

The crowd wasn't the only one saying "HOLY SHIT" when Jeff Hardy did the Swanton Bomb off the stop of that ladder onto Buh-Buh Ray Dudley, through a table, onto the concrete aisleway. I almost had a heart attack at age 20 in the dirty U.S.A. Not a good thing.

I was NOT expecting Edge and Christian to take the tag titles, by the way, but judging from that rather amusing interview they gave last RAW (what, they talk?) I'm pleased about it. "Young bucks."

While I was pleased to see Chris Jericho take a strap back with him after Wrestlemania, and while I'm glad that Chris Benoit got some gold (and he looks real, real good with it, I'll mention) I would have preferred that Kurt Angle retained one of the titles. Jericho has the popularity and the exposure, I doubt he really needs gold to maintain that. Angle and Benoit are new, they are slowly getting over and establishing their characters, and having a strap gives them more exposure and credibility.

And HHH retaining the title shocked the hell out of everyone, I think. But Vince turning heel again just made the crowd yawn. It could have been way better than that. The point of Wrestlemania is moreso one of one with the wrestlers, minimal outside interference (c'mon, save that shit for the RAW episodes, not the biggest PPV of the year)

It's about showing your talent, not your ability to orchestrate screw-jobs.

Rock does not need to be thrust into the "Vince-Screws-Whoever-Is-Popular" role. It's not necessary, we've seen it before. He's been beltless for a year, he should have won like a true number one babyface.

Mick Foley winning would have made his comeback actually MEAN something. Now I'll have to agree with Al Snow and say that it diminished Mick's legacy and was plain dumb. Don't go back on your retiring word unless it's going to have some special ramifications, I say, otherwise you're moving into the WCW territory of overrated.

THE QUICK NOTES ON RAW (since I haven't shut up about the weekend yet, better get my ass in gear)

Why did Vince overdo the whole "L.A is incredibly fake" thing on RAW? Has he looked at his female roster lately? I'd switch that statement and location a little closer to Conneticut. Maybe even a little Atlanta (although that is the most unholy city in the world.)

Why does Chyna get a separate entrance whenever she accompanies someone to the ring? Is her presense that special? Did she need to get taken in by the "Latino Heat" *snort*

By the way, I am loving this ladies man Eddie Guerrero thing that they're doing. It's setting him way apart from the other Radicals, in that he's actually exhibiting a PERSONALITY, something essential in the WWF.

That remix of the DX music by Run DMC is pretty much the only cool thing about DX these days.

Finally! Someone let the writers and wrestlers in on the fact that Road Dogg's "Punch 'n' Dance 'n' REALLY Punch" thing is not effective, nor realistic. No man stands dazed while some wannabe rapper does a little two step.

Kurt Angle incorporating the Bob Backland schitzo routine into his personality (aka you disagree and insult him, he snaps and screams) is another reason why Kurt is going to be bigger than you expect.

Chris Benoit is looking exceptionally good with that Intercontinental belt around his waist, his own music, and general separation from the Radicalz (with a bad-ass "Z" on the end) Can the "Silent but Violent" image work in a place like the WWF, though? Where flamboyant personalities and neat-o catch phrases set the standards?

Tazz should still be the Human Suplex Machine. Why in the hell was he told not to incorporate his traditional array of suplexes into his WWF repetoire? Shouldn't the talent (especially the pushed talent) do the things that they do best?

Hollywood Paul Wight. I laughed at his dancing, at that wannabe goofiness regarding wanting to be like Too Cool. The Big Show does have a personality, and being that stiff bad-ass isn't doing much for him. I know a few people didn't like it at all, found it stupid, but if the man has a sense of humour, and doesn't mind being silly in front of the fans, then why the hell not?

If you people don't like it, blame the fact that the entire Internet said that the Big Show was the most entertaining man on Saturday Night Live a few weeks back. You think the WWF didn't pick up on that?

Silly marks.

That's about all from me. In all honesty, I was travelling on Monday at 4am and was completley exhuasted, left the bar at around 10:20 because I knew Shane vs. Rock wasn't going to tickle me in all the right parts.

So I don't know exactly what happened. Nor do I care much.

Hey, I'm tired. I have final exams next week. Leave me alone. Send the mail to cyanindigo@hotmail.com and ask the burning questions.

And I just contradicted myself right there.

God, I'm so screwed.

*blows a kiss*

Keep your spit to yourself and all that jazz, mamacitas.