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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
| Guest Columns | CyanIndigo |
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SHE'S THE REAL DEAL August 30th Boys, it is time. It's time.... to go back in time. Back to the days where cleavage was reasonably covered, and valets merely blushed when someone insulted them. Ah, yes, the fond old school days of kidnapping dog mascots and completely false marriage proposals were broadcast around the world in cartoonish manner. Now why does this enter my mind..... oh, that's right, because the WWF is suddenly in the clutches of the 80'S TIME TUNNEL (insert booming voice here) Unreal. It's bad enough when the WWF recycles endings from previous high-profile RAW matches (a la WCW... I shudder to think) but dog-napping? I think we all got our fill of Matilda's trauma when it actually happened, n'est-ce pas? I'm CyanIndigo, Canadian suprema chick, french-speaking seduction artist, and the keeper of the key to your every desire. Ooh-la-la! I've got the ice, the fingernails and the Scrunchie to make it happen, people, not to mention the truth. Truth? Why, the little stuff going on in wrestling, of course. From behind my keen blue eyes to your screen, I show you the things about the current WWF that you might not have noticed or even thought about. Trivial and uninteresting? Perhaps. But I know more than you. So there. THE BIG STUFF: "Oh, it was the usual HHH vs. Rock match." - said in reference to the SmackDown showdown last Thursday when I accidentally missed it. USUAL. HMMPH. There should nothing "usual" about anything that the WWF presents, especially with their reputation of granting entertainment with the "shock value." Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a good match. But when it's the "usual" fare from two men, something has got to change. It was good, it continues to be good, but as I've said before, it's pretty pathetic when the WWF has to consistantly rehash old match-ups and endings. The word "typical" just should not exist. Frankly, I think that they're getting a little lazy. Or maybe it's Terry Taylor's fault. Who knows. It's just a peeve of mine that I've been bitching about for ages now. And someone just might be listening, what with the new "oddball" tag team in Mankind and the Rock. Following in the pattern of the past few years (which is: when you're running short on title contenters, throw two big stars together as a team and make them the champs on the first title match, thus drawing attention away from the WWF World title scene) it was Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin, Austin and the Undertaker, and now Rock and Mankind. And I must say that there is something between those two men that makes every appearance together, whether they're fighting or....fighting....they make it special Entertaining. Which is the case with just about every "oddball" tag team that the WWF has thrown together. Seems to be a winning formula. We'll see how long it lasts. I am hoping against hope that this Lillian Garcia person doesn't last very long. Makes me right pissed to see someone stealing my future job.... first it was "Laura" at the WWF magazine, who on the first day proclaimed "I don't know a thing about wrestling" (Why the hell were you hired, then???) then this Lillian person who, by the looks of things, wasn't hired for her mic skills. QUESTION: If Ken Shamrock is the "World's Most Dangerous Man", then why is he nowhere near the title contention game at all? Jeff Jarrett looks to be in the process of forming a mini-stable, what with the recruitment of "Miss Kitty" and Mark Henry. He's already referred to Debra as being the head of "Jarrett Enterprises". They are trying EVERYTHING with this guy, trying to get him over. Title reigns, alliances...... Enterprises, though? Sounds awfully "Corporate", and we've already had our fill of that storyline. Besides, be honest, what would happen if they took Debra away? Would he ever really ascend past the mid-card level? QUESTION: As much as the WWF likes to hype up Chyna, is it really logical that she's going to win the Intercontinental Championship? Oh, that reminds me: Friends, this is what I've discovered. Try it out at home. WWF Rule #1: A big shot's debut (or re-debut) means that that man will either win the match mightily(face), or at least make a hell of an nasty impression on the winner and the fans (heel). (ie. Bret Hart's return at Survivor Series '96 = FACE WIN Jericho's debut = BIG HEEL IMPRESSION) WWF Rule #2: If it is a "non-title" match, then the champion's opponent will win. GUARANTEED. WWF Rule #3: If it's rumoured widely on the Internet, the WWF will ALWAYS swerve the storyline at the last second just to piss us off. ALWAYS. Case in point: Last-minute entry Mankind winning the title at SS'99, when everyone clearly expected HHH to win. So never believe the similar predictions that everyone is throwing out, because the WWF is very nosy and they do listen to the people on the Internet. Shane MacMahon is the head of the Internet division. STELLAR HARDCORE to Jeff Hardy, who was backflipped into the steel stairs by the Acolytes in a minor ouch manoever. QUICK NOTES: YEP. That's the WWF for you. Mankind wins the title after a four month hiatus and cleanly pins "the-for-whatever-reason-unpinnable Steve Austin"......and he jobs to Shane the next night. OY. This might be silly speculation on my part, but I can't help but wonder why the "Blonde Bytch" project is spelled with a "Y" rather than an "I". Unless of course, they are referring to another "Bytch" rather than the old blonde whiny one we are all assuming the title refers to. Just curious. QUESTION: If Gangrel is a vampire, then why isn't he using that factor to his advantage? I was just WISHING and HOPING that Stephanie MacMahon would reject Test's proposal (oh, I'm sorry: Sir Andrew Amore) and kick him in the nuts, proving herself to be a TRUE EVIL MACMAHON all along, instead of the sissified girl she appears to be on screen. Crazy kids... one month of "dating"?? And Test was so desperate for life-long committment that he just HAD to marry her?? Take note, ladies, that this would NEVER happen in real life. EVER. I know you boys all too well, and you have to admit that I'm right. By the way, how can Stephanie marry Test if she married the Undertaker?? Anyone else notice the similarity in sound between the breaking of JR's arm to the "Bone Crunching Action" of the WWF action figures? Just wondering. STELLAR to Luna Vachon for making my day and returning to the WWF. Ah, yes. Tori, it appears, is trying to outdo the old whining blonde with her recent nekkid actions. BUT coming to the ring exposed does not a Sable make. As much as the guys may like it, it's unlikely. HIGHLY. Surprisingly pleasant to see Taka Michinoku back in action again with a solid match with the 1-2-3 Skid. Meat, Chaz, and Marianna need to be on RAW more often than twice a year, if fans are expected to understand who they are. STELLAR to Terri Runnels, who, in all her 5 feet of blonde and pissed off, tossed far-taller Marianna half-way across the ring when she saw the GTV footage. "Look at my scary tongue! Look at my scary black headbead! Nyah! Booga Booga!" Hmmm... watching that, I realize that I have better things to do with a headband. And a Scrunchie. And a tongue, for that matter. I'm gone. Send the mail if you've got a question. Nooch. CyanIndigo freelance Mail the Author |
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