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CyanIndigo

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UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Ahem.

I am Canadanadanadnadanaian. (Eh?)

Let me clear this up.

WE CANADIANS DO NOT SAY ABOOT.

Nor do our heads flop around.

Nor do we have beady eyes.

But we do drink and carry hockey sticks for sure. Eh?

Not to mention that Canadian girls are forever frisky and we're all hotter than your petty Jenny McCarthy. Utter rubbish!

Come one, come all to the D.H. sports bar and feel the Canadian spirit that is this delicious Miss CyanIndigo. Many have tried to release themselves from my goddess grip, all have failed.

Now, now, don't burst anything other than the good stuff, just let yourself go.

One letter this week shared, since we have scads of wrestling to dig into. From the pursued one himself! The addicted French-Italian-Providence man speaks out against my territorial behavior:

FROM: Michaelangelo
SUBJECT: Accosting my fans, are you?

Well, now.

What finally got Mr. Michaelangelo off his soapbox long enough to post a mail message to the one and only cybergoddess, CyanIndigo?

Is it her perfect breasts?

Normally, but no.

Is it her cutting wit and ability to raise sarcasm in print to a new height?

Like, no!

Is it her enviable knowledge of the contemporary professional wrestling scene?

Not this time.

It is, in fact, her inability to share me with my one and only groupie, Torri. It is here and now that I address this with a stern foot brought down.

Ahem.

Is it me, or is it hot in here? Uh...I can feel CyanIndigo's lupine presence.

Gawd, I love aggressive women. Screw putting the foot down, I'd rather be subservient.

Now, now, Petit. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in suggesting you share me with her.......what say we make amends.

Kiss and make up?

Please?

Anyway, I do have a sexual question for you. If a semi-popular male Internet Wrestling columnist wants to get into the pants of a very popular Internet Wrestling Goddess, what's the best course of action?

I mean, I want to do her right the first time.

Help me out here, beautiful.

Michaelangelo of [slash]Wrestling

Beautiful? Enviable knowledge? Perfect breasts? Oh, geez. I can feel it coming. Oh, dear.

*BLUSH*

You people didn't see that!!!!!

Ahem. Let me continue. One: I don't have to share him if I don't want to, I am just that bloody fantastic. Two: In order to kiss and make up, Michaelangelo has to touch me, and we all know that I only let men who are 1/8th Canadian touch me (But is that a yes? Maybe....)

And, ah yes, how to get into and under the skin of CyanIndigo. The question on all minds alike. CRZ, Cale Jameson, StevenSams, Josh Frank, David Roy and all others, you know you're reading this.

Best course of action? My dear sweet Michaelangelo, all you have to do.......is give me what I want. I think you know what it is. Power? Have it. Beauty? A given. Money? Not important. Sex? Always a plus.

There is one thing I want, and that is to be called something.

A certain little phrase, two words in fact, that when used can actually melt this aggressive, lupine heart and make me yours forever. When you call me this, I am your willing love slave (and trust me, this is not a bad thing)

No, it's not "crack whore." And contrary to belief, it's not "Hello Ladies", although an imitation of that will send me through the roof.

So the competition is ON. Go ahead, Michaelangelo, I dare you. If you can come up with the two words to call me, to make me absolutely swoon (yes I do, believe it or not) then you've got me. Go ahead. Take your best shot. Double dog dare.

I will even let you claim my breasts as your own. How about THAT as a prize? And if you can't, I'm sure Lewis Cale can...hm, hm.



THE BIG STUFF

Holy crap, people, are you ready for this? I gots TONS of stuff to lay on you.....

Not a bad thing, trust me.

First off, I can speed-read and I recently did just that with the Rock's new book, The Rock Says, about two days ago in my former bookstore place of employment. Mere curiosity, a few minutes on hand. And the verdict?

Yep. It's a biography.

Nothing wrong with that in the least, I'm the proud owner of "The Life and Submission Fighting Style of Ken Shamrock". But I'm also the co-owner of "Have A Nice Day" and I have to admit, this seems like this Rock biography is more of a get-rich scheme rather than genuine heart and soul.

Mick Foley's book was the first, it was written on napkins half the time, and it was something that no one quite expected to soar like it did. Bestseller, everyone is into it, everyone's most-sought-after Christmas present.....

(I can't tell you the amount of times I had to say that we didn't have the damn thing, because I was trying to fix a copy for myself..... job manipulation, I salute you!)

So? Publishers see the amount of money you can make from a wrestler's book..... so they pick the popular one and crank out one about him. Problem? Rock's been in wrestling for what? 4 years maybe? What's the point of doing the biography when the man is going to be around for at least another 5 years?

Ah, whatever. The verdict? It's alright, it's nice. But it's nothing spectactular. Trust me, you'd rather examine a nice pair of breasts than examine that book.

And who is willing?

Well, not me. That's DIRTY!

I think Al Issacs ranted about this, so let me steal the general subject and expand it on my own. (I'm being honest! Doesn't that count for something?)

Why hasn't the Royal Rumble been hyped at all?

Why am I composing my own list of 30 opponents when it's two weeks away?

And why is the WWF brushing off the DAMN EXACT LINES that Stone Cold Steve Austin used back in 1998 and applying them to the Rock? (PS this is my OWN realization, no one else's)

Let me clarify, I'm sure a few of you remember:

In January of 1998, Steve Austin proclaimed to the world that he was the first entrant in the 1998 Royal Rumble, and he was going to "toss 29 other pieces of trash over the top rope, and get the spot to Wrestlemania!" He was a target by all, because he assaulted, attacked and embarassed a whole ton of them all.

Sound familiar? Here's hoping I'm wrong, but it's looking awfully similar. Austin was the big shot, looking for the title. He was the most publicized entrant in the Rumble, entered at a good number, and he won. It was obvious, almost too obvious, in my view. Then, to Wrestlemania, against old champion Shawn Michaels, and he won the belt in a climatic scene.

Is this what's going to happen with the Rock?

Now, granted, there have been rumours about how just because you win the Rumble doesn't mean you get an automatic title shot, so if that's true, it could be anyone. Not a main eventer, could be an up-and- coming superstar *coughJERICHOcough*

Here's hoping. I wish.

By the way, I took it upon myself to start figuring out who's going to be competing in the Rumble this year. Unofficial list, just something to look at and consider. Place your bets! I'm placing mine. See explanations for question marks below:

The 1-2-3 Skid D-Lo Brown The Rock Steve Blackman Kurt Angle Edge Christian Jeff Hardy Matt Hardy The New Age Outlaws The Acolytes (?) Chyna (?) Chris Jericho (?) The Godfather D-Von Dudley Buh Buh Ray Dudley The Big Show Val Venis Joey Abs Pete Gas Rodney Grandmaster Sexay Scotty Too Hotty Rikishi Phatu Kane Test Prince Albert Big Bossman Hardcore Holly Crash Holly (?) Tazz (?) Gangrel

Question marks? Let me explain:

1) The Acolytes are in a tag team title match against the New Age Outlaws already. Undetermined as to whether they'd compete in both.

2) Chyna and Jericho.... hard to say what's in line for them without some official matches yet... HELLO?

3) Crash Holly is not nearly as well known as Hardcore Holly... depends if they need to fill up the ring, which they don't.

4) I've heard that Tazz won't be debuting until the RAW after the Royal Rumble, and I'm inclined to believe that. Still, there are rumours.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year...."

<Big smile>

I LOVE THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Makes me want to grab a random man and kiss him all over. Volunteers? Hm? I've got the watermelon lip gloss on, you can't get it better than that.

A great big STELLAR to Kurt Angle (who, by my wrestling friends, has been christened my boyfriend for some strange reason) for starting to secure his heel status by going up against the Rock...and holding his own. Not to mention a little added blown kiss in his direction for willingly attempting suicide by saying "I SHOULD be the people's champion!!"

A huge STELLAR to the man I can genuinely say I love and adore, Mick Foley, for that absolutely hilarious take on Tori's hyper-active fondling phobia: "I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your big, sweaty, heaving breasts, and I've got a list of about 17 things that I'd like to do to them. Number three especially!" And a smack on the ass. GAWD.



THE QUICK NOTES

There is nothing quite as exciting as a locker room pour-out. Even better is when they erupt into a full brawl, but either way, bloody fantastic. One of the many reasons why I loved RAW this week, a good solid show.

DX has had their best days. When? Late 1997, with Shawn Michaels, and the majority of 1998, with the addition of the New Age Outlaws and the 1-2-3 Skid. Now? Eh. Trying too hard. Been there. Done that.

How much longer will the New Age Outlaws hold those belts? Not long.

(By the way, SURE Road Dogg gets the clean pin on Billy Gunn. Yep. All that skill... sure he would.)

Kane gets BIG pops. I never realized it until SmackDown last week. For all his signature moves, the crowd pops. It's recognized. Interesting.

Matt Hardy is having a SHITTY new year, I don't mind saying.

And Jeff Hardy is doing marvellous. A singles feud with Al Snow, who is king of getting other people over (which is a rather ironic term) and more recognition than any other tag team, in my view. It's very ....Rocker-esque.... although I usually refrain from making statements like that.

By the way MOVE OF THE WEEK goes to Steve Blackman catching Jeff Hardy in his attempt for a huricanrana, holding his legs, and swinging Jeff's face into the stairs. DAMN. Nice improv.

Anyone else notice that E-VILL grin on Snow's face that he's apparently stolen from Edge? You know, he "lost his smile"?

*giggle*,....oh, c'mon! I had to throw in a Shawn Michaels reference!

What happened to the Paul Wight father angle??

Why are introductions longer than the actual matches?

Is Test being punished? Wasn't he directly involved with Stephanie and HHH.... only to be put repeatedly against the Big Bossman and Prince Albert? I mean, there are better places for this kid than against those two. Have some faith and a little originality.

Does everyone remember when Taka Michinoku was the hot new import that everyone was so impressed with, back at around Wrestlemania 14? And now? No comment.

Nobody sells a DDT better than Val Venis.

Who didn't want to see Mick stuff Socko down Stephanie MacMahon's throat?? Who wasn't begging for it?? Aw, come ON, make it happen!

By the way, I'd consider it wiser to keep the HHH vs. Mick Foley main event, scheduled for the PPV, out of RAWS. Keep with the teasers and the mini-brawls, don't do PPV quality on a RAW and waste it! What ever happened to tons of build-up and limited contact?

A tip for figuring out wrestling: generally, if one guy's finishing move doesn't work, then he's going to lose. Case in point: Edge hitting the Downward Spiral too close to the ropes and Venis placing the foot on the rope. Automatically predicted the loss right there for Edge, and it came true.

And speaking of Edge, get that boy on the mic! He's not half-bad.

I'm getting confused about the Mean Street Posse. What, their presence is so outstanding that they all need their own finishers? (Of which no one knows their names but Michael Cole... what does THAT say? Gawd.) But I am forever a student of the ring, so I got this. Pete Gas's is the "Gas Mask" in which he "smothers" the opponent and then drops them into a split-legged powerbomb. Joey Ab's is the "High Society".....

Why am I bothering? Like they're going to be around in three months.

I have to say that HHH just looks damn impressive when he stands at the top of the ramp, silhouetted with the lights, the belt and the wet hair. He looks good. He looks like a champ. Imagine that.

And since he looks so good, how about a clean champ win for once?

Chyna was beaten by a vertical suplex this week.

Hm..... what? Oh, nothing. I say nothing at all. Hm, hm.

What else have I noticed? I've gotten used to Lillian Garcia. GAWD. What does that say??

Looking at the Dudley Boys, remembering Raven, the Sandman, Rob Van Dam, etc... I have concluded that the ECW boys just don't fit in the Big Two.

CyanIndigo's Weekly Realization of "Why I Will Never Become a Lesbian":

My roommate's asinine comment. "Why would you pretend to be someone else's wife? That's stupid." Regarding Stephanie I guess...... *sigh*.....

Women, you wonder why I won't bother with the majority of you when I'm watching this stuff. Geezus. Praise the males in this category.

But that's all the praise you get.



THE CLOSER: GOTTA BE GUILTY AS CHARGED

It's irregular, but worth the space. Let me gush about Guilty as Charged, the most recent ECW PPV for a moment.

I only watch the pay-per-views, just because I'm always so awestruck by the action, so I don't want to take it for granted.

The thing I find interesting is how old-school ECW is.

Confused? Let me clarify.

What's the complaint throughout the internet regarding the WWF? Mainly? The access of storylines and the decreased effort of wrestling. The fact that matches last about 4 minutes while the mic time stretches to 10. It's annoying, it's getting old.

Which is why I was pleasantly surprised with ECW. True, it's hyper-violent, something you never saw much of in the "olden days." True, there's lots of skin showing, catfights...

(I don't need to see Dawn Marie and Francine's legs wide open, thanks, although the majority of the bar fainted within a second).....

BUT.... the beauty of ECW is the WRESTLING. GAWD. Real wrestling, bloody fantabulous wrestling. Actual cut promos, not necessary 10 minute spheels that are always in the ring. Short, simple storylines, no fake marriages, no rapes, or cement trucks or anything like that.

Amazing wrestling. Amazing stunts, risks, everything. And hey, admit it: when's the last time you saw something truly impressive from any of the main talent of the WWF?

Not to mention that I simply MUST find an outfit like Dawn Marie's red ensemble. Michaelangelo's brain would positively fry if I showed up in that.

But... how would I know?

What were the things you missed? WELL, let me run down the stunts I saw on Sunday night, as proof why I loved every minute of it.

  • a superkick on Mikey Whipwreck that made him fly over the guardrail.... from the APRON.

  • a female wrestler who is better, more credible, more of a legit wrestler than Chyna, in that built Jazz

  • the fact that the announcers can proclaim "He's all over his Dick!" and make sense.

  • the damn REFEREE doing a tope rope plancha onto Nova, Chris Chetti, and Roadkill for no real reason. What the hell!

  • Electra, Canada's greatest hooker. HA!

  • Super Crazy doing a moonsault from the second standing onto Little Guido

  • Dusty Rhodes with the goddamn BIONIC elbow on everyone. Unreal.

  • New Jack falling 18 feet onto Grimes through a table

  • Spike Dudley going through FIVE tables, bleeding all over the place and still scratching at Mike Awesome with a few Acid Drop DDT's.

    If you don't watch it, you should be.

    That's it for me. If you're still reading this, if your eyes are still functioning properly, I salute you. You will never see such a huge "wrestling" column from me again, it's a fluke.

    Unfortunately, I have nothing to salute you with.

    Hm. If I wave my bra over my head, does that count?

    Mail cyanindigo@hotmail.com so I can meow at you.

    Keep your spit to yourself, and do me right the first time.

    CyanIndigo
    Seduction Artist for Hire

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